Ending Life Well
Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow: Presence with a Dying Person By Deb Seng, Caregiving and Community Initiatives Director Relationships make life worth living. Yet, fear and sadness about dying and death can drive us away from connecting with someone in their final days. The resulting missed opportunities often lead to complicated grief and enduring regret for those who remain. Instead, this article will discuss considerations for creating a little sweetness in being with someone approaching death. For many, the end of life is a time for reflection and preparation. Remembrance may give way to remorse about past mistakes or broken relationships. It may also create longings for love and validation. And the sheer presence of an important person can provide comfort, resolution, and peace—the chance to tidy up their life and legacy. So, what is presence? And how can we offer presence to a person at the end of their life? Physical presence is about showing up—in person, by phone, or letter. It is a sincere gesture about being with and for the dying person without personal agenda or expectation. Physical presence takes humility and courage, and your presence is a reminder of relational history, shared memories, and a journey that is not yet finished. Sit quietly, listen attentively, or hold the person’s hand.
Emotional presence is about intention and openness. Approach the dying person with a heart at peace and a commitment to offer what they need. Be slow to speak and strive to understand the other’s memories, concerns, or regrets. Honor their values, cultural perspectives, and feelings by expressing empathy rather than responding with cliches or platitudes. In principle, offering presence seems simple enough. But human relationships are complex and messy. Here are a few suggestions to help you be honorably present with a person preparing for death. • Practice empathy. Imagine yourself in the other person’s experiences, good and bad—failed intentions, and hopes unfulfilled. This grows your compassion. • Be authentic and genuine. Say something as honest and simple as “I’m here,” or “I care about you,” or
“I’m having trouble finding words to say.” If you are a better person because (or in spite) of the other person, talk about the character traits you developed. • Say “thank you” or “I love you.” Acknowledge lessons learned or positive experiences with gratitude. And tell the person of your love for them, even if you don’t love their impact. • Offer grace or even forgiveness. Releasing hurt, anger, and resentment can be a gift to you both. Preparing well for dying and death is difficult work, but you can add sweetness to the sorrow by giving your presence. To explore end of life care planning options, contact the
PCOA Helpline at (520) 790-7262. Why a Will is Not Enough
Hosted by PCOA | Presented by the Planned Giving Roundtable of Southern Arizona Friday, August 22, 2025 · 10:00–11:30 am The Katie Dusenberry Healthy Aging Center, TEP Room 600 S. Country Club, Tucson, AZ 85716 Understanding Estate Planning RESERVE YOUR SPACE TODAY at bit.ly/pcoawhyawill A will is just one piece of estate planning. Learn key steps for protecting your assets and loved ones, and ensure your wishes are honored, whether starting fresh or updating an existing plan. While this event is free, reservations are required due to limited capacity.
July & August 2025, Never Too Late | Page 17
Pima Council on Aging
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