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Letter from the Editor I am not an expert on many things. In fact, the older I get, the more I realize just how many things I don’t know. But one thing I do know – about myself – is what I’m good at. And one of the things I was great at was being married. Staci and I celebrated our 18th wed- ding anniversary about a week before she passed away. Like any marriage, ours wasn’t perfect. But it
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was very good. It was steady. It was supportive. It was the kind of partnership where you knew you were on the same team no matter what. So, while I am by no means a trained expert on marriage, I am confident in saying I was a great husband. With this issue’s Spring Bridal Feature in mind, I thought I’d offer a little advice. Take it for what it’s worth. First: always have your spouse’s back. Publicly. Always. It doesn’t matter if the conversation involves your kids, your parents, their parents, friends, or anyone else. In the moment, your partner should know you’re on their side. Even if you’re not entirely sure they’re right. Even if you think they’re definitely not right. Support them in the moment. Then, later, when it’s just the two of you, talk it out if you need to. Things can be adjusted later. But that visible support in the moment matters more than people realize. Second: make time for each other. Once kids enter the picture, life becomes a whirlwind of sche- dules, activities, homework, sports, and trying to remember whose turn it is to bring snacks. It’s easy for couples to slip into logistics manager mode. I always thought of our time like this: 60 percent family time, 30 percent just the two of us, and 10 percent for yourself. That 10 percent matters because everyone needs a little breathing room. But that 30 percent is just as important. Date your spouse. Keep dating them, even after years of marriage. It keeps the relationship alive and reminds you that you are partners first, parents second, individuals third. If you skip that step, it’s very easy to wake up one day feeling more like co-workers running a household than a couple building a life together. Finally: fight. Not constantly, obviously. But disagreements will happen. Two people sharing a life, responsibilities, and stress are eventually going to clash. The key is to fight clean. Don’t say things you can’t take back. Sometimes it’s better to walk away and come back to the conversation later when heads are cooler. Just make sure you actually come back to it. Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is challenging. Marriage is always evolving. But if you put in the time, support each other, and remember that neither of you is perfect, and that you probably annoy each other equally, it can also be one of the most rewarding partnerships you’ll ever have.
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