Emotional Suppression in Boys: Importance of Teaching Language BY AMELIA ROESSLER
W e might see boys mask sadness with anger, internalize shame, and have more moments of acting out. They’re told to shake things off, don’t cry, be tough. And when the anger comes, people might say, “Oh, boys will be boys.” Dr. Alyssa Lucker, the medical director at Pathlight Mood and Anxiety Center, says over time, boys are taught that it’s not appropriate to express emotion. While she says at base- line, boys and girls both have the ability to express and show emotions, she thinks boys aren’t taught emotional vocabulary when girls are. “If boys aren’t taught that emotional vocab- ulary, it’s hard for them to distinguish their feelings. They don’t know what’s going on,” says Dr. Lucker. “Maybe they’re feeling frustra- tion, or they can’t separate them out.” With no words to accurately express what they’re feeling, boys might turn to anger. Along with encompassing other emotions, anger gives a sense of protection for boys afraid to show vulnerability, Dr. Lucker explains.
trum, or an outburst, or aggression is the first step. Look at what came before the behav- ior, and then what was the consequence or outcome of that behavior. Maybe a child was trying to express they were hungry and didn’t have the words, but they knew that throwing a tantrum gets a parent’s attention and gets their needs met. “There’s always a reason for why someone is acting, the way they’re acting,” she explains. Without the proper language, boys might present irritable, shut down, act out, or aggressive. Dr. Lucker believes emotional suppression also involves how the parents were raised. If parents don’t feel comfortable talking about emotions because they never talked about them growing up, it’s unlikely they’ll be comfortable talking about it with their kids. While Dr. Lucker says emotional suppression is seen more in boys than girls, she turns to language to see signs of emotional suppres- sion. Through observation, parents can label what they see—say a boy getting mad and throwing toys—and acknowledge to the boy that they looked upset and ask if they were feeling angry or embarrassed or hurt.
know what embarrass means,’ and then it’s explaining to them that it means this,” explains Dr. Lucker. Dr. Lucker says trying to vocalize what you see may look different with a two-year-old than a five-year-old, but starting to have conversations with two-year-olds who are developing the language and giving them the dialogue to help them with words is very beneficial with emotional growth. SCHOOL AND SOCIAL MEDIA Learning how to express emotions doesn’t just come from the home. School and social media can also play a role in teaching chil- dren, and boys, what’s right and wrong when it comes to expressing emotions. While not every child is exposed to the extremes of, say, toxic masculinity or heroic masculinity, social media and school can make it difficult for boys to navigate how they should be acting. Dr. Lucker gives the example of being at recess—if a peer throws a tantrum, gets angry and aggressive, but then gets the ball, it’s easy for a boy to identify, “When Timmy is aggressive, he gets the ball. Every day I notice Timmy gets the ball, so I’m going to act this way because if Timmy gets the ball, I want the ball.”
UNDERSTANDING WHAT’S DRIVING IT Trying to understand what is driving a tan-
“Giving them words, and maybe it’s a ‘I don’t
14 MAY 2026 | CINCINNATIFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM
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