HARRIET HUNTER
·We may need to STOP and eat when we’re hungry. Sometimes detachment is enough to alleviate impending or moderate anger. ·Anger often erupts without thinking, but if we’re aware we can STOP and redirect the situation ahead of time. ·Asking for hugs, and talking to a good friend or family member can be helpful for loneliness. Becoming comfortable spending time with ourselves alone can go far to help discern the difference between being lonely or just alone. ·As we observe our body’s needs, we will be attuned to a strength that wanes, eyes that water, yawns, and a general listlessness which all signal that we’re tired, and it’s time to rest. Will the world come to an end if something doesn’t get done?” I don’t think so. We may have all-or-nothing thinking, but we cannot be all-or-nothing workers. This exercise is not as easy as it sounds if we don’t move out of our all-or-nothing-thinking. Is what I’m proposing going to matter 24-hours from now? Would taking care of these things mean they are more important than giving ourselves the self-nurture we need to feel good, to feel capable, and rested? EXAMINE YOUR MOTIVES BY KEEPING A LIST: of activities that must be done today (as in life as we know it will cease to exist if not done today,) and then in the right column ask the question, How Important Is It? While new in recovery I was sure everything thing I thought I needed to do had to be done that day. Everything had the same importance. My sponsor taught me to stop where I was, and ask the following questions of myself: H.A.L.T. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. These four words are our first clue that it may be time to be gentle and to take care of yourself. Whenever we are out of balance, there is a high likelihood that one or more of these four are engaged in pushing our emotional buttons. We become gentle with ourselves when we honor these four with loving-kindness. It is important that we cross-examine ourselves. In so doing, we find we rarely leave time for ourselves to pray, meditate, and honour ourselves with quiet productive feedback from our highest self and always from our Higher Power.
We become much better decision-makers; We become emotionally available to others because we are not harboring a resentment, feeling guilt for ‘giving in,’ for acting in the best interest of others instead of our own. We will find that we’re doing the next right thing for the right reason, without ‘sacrificing’ our own needs in the process. Maybe in accommodating others, it would mean canceling our own plans, doing something for others we wouldn’t have considered had they not asked, or putting ourselves in a position that could compromise our own physical or emotional, even spiritual safety! Here we can pray for the motives we’re examining such as, “Who else could do this besides me” or “How Important is it that I forfeit my family, or my plans, for this request? “WHY am I saying yes?” We consider the big picture that is being asked of us: we can pause, and give the decision 24-48 hours of prayer and meditation before we respond. Then when we respond, we can feel confident it will be the right answer. In so doing, this act of becoming right-sized ensures stronger and healthier self-esteem: WE DESERVE to set boundaries that help to preserve our mental emotional and spiritual health, regardless of how someone else feels about our answer. As we begin tackling small unimportant issues, take notice of how our self-esteem increases in proportion to sticking by our truth. We begin to feel equal to others because our opinion and our needs matter, and because as we share our divine truth with others, our needs are being met, too
#3 Be Gentle with Yourself.
So many of us have spent a lifetime berating ourselves for every, “should have,” “could have,” missed opportunity, and shortcoming. We have been angry and disappointed t ourselves for so long, that many of us aren’t even sure we know where, or how to begin to show ourselves some compassion. Perfectionism is a myth. We were never supposed to be perfect! We begin to breathe easier, and allow ourselves room to make mistakes. We know now that mistakes are normal and do not reflect a deficiency on our part. By not spinning wheels in an effort to be perfect, we leave room for ourselves and others to not take each other so seriously!
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