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The Bledsoe Firm JustFamilyLaw.com | 949.363.5551 MAY | 2021
Organized Kids A FEW IDEAS TO HELP KIDS LEARN THE VALUE OF CLEANING UP AFTER THEMSELVES
Most kids aren’t known for being neat and organized. In fact, they seem to love living in chaos. Parents know that with kids, the wet towel will probably end up on the bed. Books, games, and toys go pretty much anywhere and everywhere. How many times have you told your kids to clean their rooms or put things away? Think back to when you were a kid. How many times did your parents tell you to go clean your room? Organization is a value you can teach kids from a very early age. You can encourage them to clean up after themselves and keep their space neat and tidy. Even in the context of separation and divorce — topics we frequently cover in the newsletter — teaching the value of organization, and how to organize, can be a useful tool in coping, bonding, and simply being there for your kids or grandkids during this time in their lives. It begins with respect. As kids learn about respect for others, it’s also important to teach kids about respecting the space around them, along with the objects they interact with on a daily basis, whether those objects belong to them or someone else. When they have respect for their own belongings, they often have greater respect for the belongings of others. To put this in perspective (and in the vein of the golden rule), your child wouldn’t want another child to come into their space only to lose or damage something of theirs and vice versa. To put that into motion, remember that kids are famous for following by example. If you tell your son to fold his clothes and put them in his dresser — when your own clothes are still in the hamper since doing laundry last Saturday — he has already picked up on
that. So, when you ask, he’ll probably respond with the universal question of, “Why?” Organizing, for the most part, is a “follow my lead” activity. When parents are consistent, kids are consistent (at least, they are over time and with a little positive reinforcement). Consistency, as they say, is key.
When a child observes you putting things back in the same place over and over again, they pick up on that habit. This applies to kids of all ages. Essentially, everything has a home, a logical place where it can be placed. For younger children, as they learn about cleaning their room, assign “homes” for everything in their room. Just as the child has a home, blankets, books, and toys also have a home — a place to go at the end of playtime so they can stay safe until they’re called upon once again. This kind of compartmentalization helps kids visualize the organizational process. Naturally, you don’t want your child to be strictly the observer — that, too, can become a habit. This is where positive reinforcement comes into play. When you ask kids to clean their rooms, and they don’t want to, that’s fine. However, if they do clean their rooms, they get something in return. It can be a personal or family activity, TV time, a certain food with dinner, or they can go over to a friend’s house. Mix it up and keep it light. Positivity, along with consistency, are your two most important tools for teaching organization to kids. If they lose that consistency or negative reinforcement enters the fold, that’s when the “dread” sets in and the pushback begins. Another way you can instill positive habits is by using the “one in, one out" rule. When your kids get something new, like a toy or clothes, give them the responsibility of trading out an older toy or piece of clothing. Once they’ve picked something to trade, have them donate it. You can even designate a box where they can put the toys or clothes they want to donate. When each box is full, head to a nearby Goodwill or a similar organization that accepts donations, and have your kids bring in the donation with you. Not only do they benefit by learning about donation and charity, but another child out in the world will also benefit by having a new toy or article of clothing to call their own. —John Bledsoe
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GET FIT WITH YOUR FAMILY 5 Easy Ways to Get Everyone Moving
May is National Physical Fitness and Sports Month. As a parent, you probably know exercise is important for your children’s physical development. It helps build healthy bones, muscles, and joints and reduces the risk of developing diabetes and other diseases later in life.
parents not to limit themselves to traditional forms of exercise. Instead, think of exercise more broadly as “leading an active lifestyle.” And remember that exercise can be fun and a great way to get in more family time.
Here are five easy ways to incorporate more movement into your family’s day.
1. Create a walking ritual. Start walking around the neighborhood before or after dinner each night. Aim for a 20-minute stroll. 2. Have a dance party. Clear some space in the living room, make a playlist with everyone’s favorite tunes, and boogie down for as long as you have the energy. 3. Turn chores into games. Dirt has invaded from outer space and must be eliminated. Set the scene with your kids, grab your tools, and get to work removing the enemy while having fun. 4. Incorporate simple exercises into screen time. Start by making up fun names for exercises like situps or jumping jacks. Then, challenge each other to see who can do the most during your favorite show’s commercial breaks. 5. Get fit in the great outdoors. Cleaning up the yard, planting and maintaining a garden, or just running around outside are all great ways to get in more movement.
But did you know that physical activity also has many mental and behavioral
health benefits? It’s been shown to improve children’s cognitive skills and concentration, boost their self-esteem, and reduce symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression.
One of the best ways to encourage healthy behaviors in your children is by modeling them yourself. Studies have found that more than 80% of adolescents and adults are not getting enough aerobic activity, showing that children often follow in their parents’ footsteps and that exercising together can benefit everyone.
You may be thinking it’s hard enough just to get yourself to the gym, but Stephen Virgilio, author of “Active Start for Healthy Kids,” encourages
3 M ore H armful T actics P arents W ith NPD U se PARENTAL ALIENATION
2. Spying and data mining . A parent with NPD may use the child as a tool to spy on a co-parent. By asking the right types of questions and paying attention to details, they can gather a significant amount of private information in a very subtle and sneaky way. This information can in turn be used to fuel more parental alienation and abuse against the targeted co-parent. 3. Disrupting planned bonding experiences or quality experiences. It doesn’t take much for a parent with NPD to undermine their co-parent’s planned shared parenting time — especially special events, trips, or other plans. The possibilities for abuse are endless and may include faking an illness, “accidentally” setting their cellphone to silent, or losing important documents.
We’ve discussed parental alienation in the past — it’s a form of manipulation in which one parent attempts to sabotage or undermine their child’s relationship with the child’s other parent. There are a number of tactics an individual can use, such as psychological manipulation and gaslighting. Essentially, this comes down to one parent using their child as a weapon against the other parent and their interests. Additionally, individuals who engage in these behaviors are often dealing with personality disorders themselves, particularly narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which can be characterized as an obsession with coming out on top or, in the context of co-parenting, being the “better” parent. Here are three further examples: 1. Encouraging the child to break the other parent’s rules. “I know mommy doesn’t like it when you , but it’s okay. It’s just between you and me.” The parent will use any opportunity to establish a dynamic where they are on the child’s “team” and the co-parent is the supposed opposition.
For more informative articles like this one, be sure to visit our blog at JustFamilyLaw.com/family-law-expert-blog!
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W ord S earch Bloom
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GIVE YOURSELF WHAT YOU NEED T he I mportance of 'Y ou ' D uring T imes of G rief We all deal with grief in different ways. It evokes a broad range of emotions. In one instant, we may be overcome with sadness, and in the next, we may feel joy when we remember the good times we had with the person who is no longer a part of our daily life. Our grief can also vary depending on the situation. In situations like a breakup or divorce, a couple may have drifted apart over time and the grief post-divorce may not be strong or last long. Or, in other situations, the loss may be more sudden and surprising — and bring with it stronger emotions. When we experience loss, it’s easy to forget about ourselves while our energy is totally devoted to grieving. When we do take time for ourselves during this time, we might feel guilt or that our actions are somehow selfish, when in reality, they are not. While we grieve, it’s important to take time for ourselves and focus on our well-being. It’s not uncommon to feel a loss of appetite when we grieve. When we don’t eat, it affects our energy, and grieving can also leave us feeling exhausted, empty, and as if our minds are clouded. We need to keep up our energy, and the best way to do that is to have a snack or a good meal. Getting good sleep is just as important as eating right. Grieving is draining and it can make us feel restless. We need to give our minds a break, a time to decompress and, of course, rest. After a nap or a night’s sleep, we can think with greater clarity and feel a little better for it. Maintaining good physical activity is also critical during times of grief. This can be as simple as taking a walk around the block or something more intense, like exercising for a few hours at the gym. Either way, physical activity — and even mental activity — gives us an alternative way to channel our energy, which in turn, can help us feel better both emotionally and physically. Keep in mind, these aren’t ways to escape grief. We still need to work through our emotions. Eventually, we learn to accept how we feel. There is no set amount of time or any sure method of dealing with grief. The best thing you can do is just to take care of yourself.
THAI MINCED PORK SALAD
Inspired by EatingThaiFood.com
INGREDIENTS
• 5 tbsp uncooked Thai sticky rice • 1 lb ground pork • 1/2 tbsp chili flakes • 1/8 tsp sugar • 1/2 tbsp fish sauce • Juice of 1–2 limes, to taste
• 4 small shallots, thinly sliced • 4 green onions, thinly sliced • Cilantro leaves, to taste • Mint leaves, to taste
DIRECTIONS
1. First, make toasted rice powder: In a frying pan over low heat, dry-roast the rice, stirring continuously until it turns golden brown and smells fragrant, about 15 minutes. 2. Let toasted rice cool, then grind into a coarse powder using a mortar and pestle, blender, or food processor. Set aside. 3. In a medium frying pan over medium-high heat, fry pork, breaking it into small pieces as you go, until fully cooked. 4. Remove from heat and add 1 heaping tbsp of toasted rice powder along with all other ingredients. Stir to combine. 5. Taste and adjust, adding more lime juice and herbs to suit your palate. Serve with rice.
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Inside
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Teaching Kids the Fundamentals of Organizing
5 Ways to Increase Your Family’s Fitness
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Parental Alienation Tactics to Watch Out For
Give Yourself What You Need While Grieving
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Thai Minced Pork Salad
Focus on This One Thing to Save More Money
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THE ONE THING YOU’RE IGNORING THAT COULD HELP YOU SAVE MORE MONEY
Side Hustles and Gigs Home delivery services like Amazon Flex, DoorDash, and Instacart are growing exponentially right now. You can take advantage of this trend by becoming a delivery driver. Gig work allows you to make your own schedule and do as much or as little work as you want for as long or as short a time as you’d like. Note that many services require drivers to undergo a background check, have a valid license, and have their own car.
Successful saving comes down to just one thing: widening the gap between your income and expenses. Most individuals — and let’s face it, financial experts, too! — focus on frugality to achieve this. They cut back on spending by canceling streaming subscriptions, eating out less, and buying fewer fancy coffee drinks. It’s natural to turn to penny-pinching to meet your savings goals because it often feels like you have more control over decreasing your expenses than you do over increasing your earnings. However, that’s not always the case. If you feel like you’ve already cut your budget to the bone but still aren’t saving enough, it might be time to shift your focus to the second method of saving money: earning more.
Babysitting, Pet Sitting, or House Sitting Apps like Wag! and Rover have turned on-demand dog walking into a viable side gig, but it’s also possible to arrange this and other sitter jobs the old-fashioned way. In fact, if you’re a reliable sitter, word-of-mouth advertising and referrals will likely keep steady work coming your way once you get established in your community. You can also up the ante by offering more: Get licensed in CPR and first aid if you’re a babysitter (or pet CPR and first aid if you’re a pet sitter). Classes can be found at RedCross.org.
If you’re serious about boosting your savings, it’s probably going to take a combination of both strategies, so don’t ignore your potential opportunities to bank more bucks. A quick online search asking “How can I make more money?” will turn up a plethora of lists with dozens of great options. Here are two popular categories to consider:
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