*While this letter is for our disabled dancers, I welcome all who wish to create equitable changes in our dance field.
When spaces are inaccessible. When we are ignored. When we are left to advocate for ourselves. When we audition knowing that our bodies will be used against us. When we are infantilized. When we are villainized for asking for our basic human rights. When microaggressions put us down. It’s okay to grieve but know that your ancestors are embracing you when no one is there at your lowest. We may never get an apology from the ableism we have had to endure. They may never know how deep our wounds go or how deep they have hurt us. But I want to say I am sorry. I am sorry that you have to cry yourself to sleep. I am sorry that our depression is ignored. I am sorry that our tears fall on empty grounds instead of warm hugs. I am sorry you have to mask your needs in order to survive. I am sorry that our negative experiences make it that much harder to reach out. I am sorry that this journey can feel lonely. I am sorry that the dance field makes us feel unworthy. I am sorry that you have to have your guard up at all times. I am sorry that you are exhausted from fighting the good fight. I am sorry that you feel isolated. Even though our society has reminded us time and time again that we are to them unloved & unworthy that is deeply false. Your disability makes you the incredible dancer that you are. Your disabled body ignites innovation & creativity. You are the life force of what community care can look like in dance. You have so much light to give to this world. You matter. Your dance work is vital.
A LETTER TO OUR MULTI-MARGINALIZED DISABLED DANCERS by VANESSA HERNÁNDEZ CRUZ
My beloved disabled dancers,
I am gazing at the shadows of trees dancing upon gravel walls as the golden hour sun joins in. It’s beautiful isn’t it? There is this longing that tugs at my heart to have all the answers for you. How much can I change the world for our liberation? For my multi-marginalized disabled dancers future, present & past: You are a dancer despite being told no. You are a dancer despite all the rejection placed upon you. Your artistry is there even if they say it’s not. You are a dancer even if you had to stop or were told to stop. You are still a dancer even if you feel alone & unsupported. I know that our bodies clash with what society carves out for us. You are skilled beyond measure. The way you caress your wheels as you glide across the floor. The strength of how you slow down and shape trembling spirals with your unique disabled body. This makes you a fierce and graceful dancer. “If I wasn’t disabled….” haunts our minds, I know, breathe. I know. It’s okay, I know. It hurts. I know, beautiful. It’ll be okay. Because it’s not your fault. It never was. Your body, mind & spirit are not to blame. We push these dark thoughts aside but it’s there every single time when we are told no. When we are placed in the back of dance class. When we struggling to keep up. When opportunities are robbed from us.
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in dance SUMMER 2022 62
SUMMER 2022 in dance 63
In Dance | May 2014 | dancersgroup.org
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