MetroFamily Magazine. OKC Family Fun & Resources. Local events calendar.
HOLIDAY happeninฌs
DECEMBER 2020
All is Calm Tips to skip holiday stress Collateral Damage How COVID has affected
working moms Shop Local 22 creative gift ideas
View service details, listen to worship music, explore holiday events, and more at CHRISTMAS.CROSSINGS.CHURCH .
Celebrate the Peace and Hope that came into the world! Invite your friends and family to one of Crossings Christmas Eve services!
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Nov. 21 – Dec. 31 6 pm – 11 pm Nightly
An illuminated tour of 5 million twinkling lights in Yukon, OK! Located in City Park, Freedom Trail Park and Chisholm Trail Park. Visit us online for more information. http://www.yukonok.gov/ChristmasinthePark Merry & Bright!
— Drive through the lights! — Take a self-guided tour through “Oklahoma’s largest drive-thru Christmas light display!”
— Walk through the lights! — Get up-close and personal to the lights with a walking tour. Selfie Spots and Photo Opps
— Santa Express Train Rides — Every Night | Weather Permitting | 6 pm - 10 pm $3.00 per Person | Chisholm Trail Park
— Ice Skating Rink — REAL Ice Not synthetic like many others. Mon. - Fri. 4 pm - 10 pm | Chisholm Trail Park | Sat. - Sun. 2 pm - 10 pm View of Christmas Lights and Santa Express Train
40 EXPLORING OKLAHOMA
Features 12 2021 Cover Kids
Departments 8 Local Family Fun
Meet the winners and finalists of our annual search 18 Supporting Kids Who Stutter Dispelling myths, inspiring kindness and advancing research 26 Gift Local 22 creative ideas to wrap up #okcfamilyfun 36 Green Cleaning 101 Top tips for staying safe this winter 44
Cultural celebrations with metro families 20 Real Moms of the Metro How COVID has affected working moms 30 Calendar
’Tis the season for festive fun
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38 Family Mental Wellness
Expert advice to skip holiday stress
40 Exploring Oklahoma Art adventures around the state 44 Super Kids of the Metro Aspiring author celebrates Black heritage 46 Last Look Eat local for culinary connection
On the cover Holiday Happenings pages 8 & 30 Collateral Damage page 20 Shop Local page 26 All is Calm page 38
4 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
M y kids wore their Halloween pajamas while we put up the Christmas tree before Thanksgiving several weeks ago. And that perfectly sums up how 2020 has forced this type A mama to let go of expectations and just live. As I glance around my living room that features both pumpkins and holiday décor, I find that’s a spot-on representation of how disjointed I feel as we move into what is usually one of my favorite seasons. I’m not sure what in the world happened this past year, or what’s in store for next, and I’m trying desperately not to let that dampen the festive spirit of our household. As we close out what has been one of the most unexpected and challenging years of many of our lives, I want to pause to thank you, our MetroFamily community, for all the ways you have provided encouragement, grace and affirmation to other parents throughout the metro and state. Living through a pandemic has presented challenges we never even knew existed. But there have also been some silver linings. I’ve watched families (my own included) get back to the basics of spending quality time together. More people are engaging in heartfelt conversations about and stepping up to share the responsibilities in moving toward racial and social justice and equity. We’re all getting more real with each other about the challenges of parenting, the need for mental wellness resources and our inability to hold it together all the time.
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Publisher Sarah Taylor Managing Editor Erin Page Assistant Editor Lindsay Cuomo Contributing Writer Simi John Contributing Photographer Bridget Pipkin Art Director Stacy Noakes Senior Project Manager Kirsten Holder Director of Events Marissa Raglin Sales Dana Price Laura Beam Office Manager Andrea Shanks
MY CHRISTMAS FANATIC
Thank you for being the family that has carried me and so many others through some dark days this year. I hope you and yours can find the time and space for whatever holiday traditions you cherish. May we all find brighter days ahead. Happy holidays!
Erin Page Managing Editor
Contact us 318 NW 13th St, Ste 101 OKC OK 73103 Phone: 405-601-2081
This Month’s Cover Moriah, 7, and Gideon, 4, are Norman siblings who share a love of burgers, anything chocolate and spectacular Oklahoma sunsets. Moriah is in the second grade and she loves to read, sing and dance and watch Mira the Royal Detective . Gideon loves to run and dig outside, watch Aladdin and “make” pretend meals for his family. They are the children of Simi and Jayson, and the family’s favorite place to visit in the metro is the OKC Zoo. Read more about their family's favorite local restaurants on page 46.
tips@metrofamilymagazine.com www.metrofamilymagazine.com
MetroFamily Magazine is published monthly. Copyright 2019 by Inprint Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Articles and advertisements in MetroFamily do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the magazine or Inprint Publishing, Inc. We do not assume responsibility for statements made by advertisers or editorial contributors. The acceptance of advertising by MetroFamily does not constitute an endorsement of the products, services, or information. We do not knowingly present any product or service which is fraudulent or misleading in nature.
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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020 5
Off the Pages
Parents and caretakers need support and convenience now more than ever. That’s why we launched MetroFamily Insiders to provide our magazines filled with pro tips, parenting hacks, family fun ideas and mental wellness resources straight to your door. Plus get Give the gift of #okcfamilyfun!
early bird tickets to events like Kids Fest, Cover Kids and Geekapalooza, special discounts and other insider-only deals! For the moms, dads, grandparents or other caregivers in your life this holiday season, wrap up the gift of becoming a MetroFamily Insider for just $25, or gift it to yourself! For $50, pair a MetroFamily Insider gift with wine, a candle or tea — we'll even do the wrapping! Visit metrofamilymagazine.com/insider for more details.
Visit metrofamilymagazine. com/insider for more details.
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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020 7
4 holiday traditions Honoring Heritage [ ] LOCAL FAMILY FUN Spoiler alert: togetherness with loved ones seemed to rise to the top in every household!
Each year as the holidays draw closer, so do my nerves in planning. Logistics, meal prep, schedules and expectations seem to consume the holiday spirit. If there is anything good to come of the pandemic this year, it has made me reevaluate what is truly important and what can be left by the wayside. Four families share how their holiday traditions are typically observed and how they are still creating special moments in spite of the challenges 2020 has presented.
BY KIRSTEN HOLDER . PHOTOS PROVIDED.
Hanukkah Dec. 10-18 Pamela Richman is a mother and former director at Camp Chavirm in Oklahoma City and says family celebrations are more important now than ever. Hanukkah is typically a three week celebration, and the dates change with the Jewish calendar, which is a combination of the lunar and solar calendars. In contrast to the production of Christmas, Hanukkah is usually a quiet holiday to celebrate with family and friends. Hanukkah is translated as “dedication” in Hebrew and historically celebrates when the Jewish people rose up against oppression in the second century B.C. Currently, this holiday is sometimes called the Festival of Lights and is celebrated with the lighting of the menorah, traditional foods, games and gifts. The Richman family plans to celebrate with their closest friends and family. Food traditions include items made with oil,
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honoring the miracle of the oil lasting for eight days. While they may not be making a few thousand latkes (potato pancakes) or sufganiyot (Israeli jelly donuts), it will still be a special occasion. “Lighting menorah candles in the windows is especially meaningful this year due to division within our country,” said Richman. “The lighting of the menorah not only helps us remember and honor the oppression of our people but also is a visual stand against anti-semitism and racism in our world today. That principle is very important within Judaism.” Richman’s children are now at an age where they may be hosting their own celebrations, but either virtually or in person, they will find a way to celebrate together, too. “Hanukkah should always be something you look forward to and enjoy sharing with friends and family,” said Richman.
THE RICHMAN FAMILY CELEBRATES HANUKKAH WITH FAVORITE FOODS AND CLOSE FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
8 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020
Catholic Holy Days
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Lisa Lesseg’s family observes the Catholic Holy Days, including Immaculate Conception (Dec. 8), Feast of Our Lady Guadalupe (Dec. 12), Feast of the Holy Family (Dec. 30) and Christmas. While the celebration of the holy days this year might look different, her family will find a way to be together. “Usually, our large family gathering starts on Christmas Eve around 10:30 a.m.,” said Lesseg. “We celebrate together with games like Dirty Santa, then attend Midnight Mass.” The Lesseg family invites close friends and family members to celebrate with a come- and-go meal, which they plan to continue this year. Each year, popular menu items include roast tenderloin, Brownrigg bread (named
after a neighbor they used to celebrate with), mashed potatoes and gravy and different kinds of drinks contributed by guests. “One of my passions is cooking,” admits Lesseg, “But it’s really just about everyone being together; it’s all very lively and informal.” While many churches are offering limited- capacity in-person services, or even virtual services, Lesseg said, “Our family will focus on what we can do! We will focus on what is important, let go of what we can’t change and hold tight to the things that really matter: our family being together.”
THE LESSEG FAMILY CELEBRATES THE CATHOLIC HOLY DAYS TOGETHER.
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Dec. 16-24 Family law attorney Robyn Hopkins and her family actively work to keep her Latina roots alive within her busy household of five children under 5: three biological children and two foster children. Robyn and her wife Courtney celebrate Las Posadas, literally translated to mean “The Inn,” a celebratory festival commemorating the journey that Joseph and Mary made from Nazareth to Bethlehem in search of a safe refuge where Mary could give birth to baby Jesus. This Catholic and Hispanic tradition typically includes live nativity scenes, folklórico dance and lots of buñuelos, which are sopapillas made like a donut. Hopkins is hoping this year her church will hold virtual celebrations in light of the pandemic, but either way, she plans to host Las Posadas within her home. “Everybody has their own traditions, but I’ve made it a point to celebrate these traditions to La Posadas
THE HOPKINS FAMILY CELEBRATES LAS POSADAS.
honor my Hispanic heritage,” said Hopkins. “It doesn’t matter what is going on, we’re a family and we are celebrating the birth of Christ together. This season is not about all the gifts ... It’s about togetherness and memories created.” Due to CDC recommendations against large group gatherings, Hopkins and her family
will feel a little less of the typical hustle and bustle of this season. “We are not going to be running house to house like we normally do,” said Hopkins. “We are going to stay home and do activities and games together as a family — and that’s what it’s all about.”
METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020 9
Christmas & Eid al-fitr 4
Mohamed and Nicole Daadoui are forming their own traditions this year, observing and celebrating the best of Christmas and Eid al-fitr, a Muslim tradition. Nicole was raised celebrating the secular festivities of Christmas: decking the tree, waiting for Santa, making cookies and exchanging gifts with loved ones. Mohamed’s traditions included a small, quiet celebration of Eid with family in Morocco. Now that they have a family of their own, they want to be sure their young son, Malik, knows and enjoys the heritage of both his parents. “Split households just make everything more fun,” said Nicole. Eid al-fitr, also called the Festival of Breaking the Fast, is a religious holiday celebrated by Muslims worldwide that marks the end of the month-long dawn- to-sunset fasting of Ramadan. Mohamed reminisces on holiday traditions such as the wearing of traditional Moroccan clothing,
exchanging small gifts and going to Mosque with family to pray, reflect and celebrate togetherness. “And of course all the traditional Moroccan dishes,” Mohamed adds. “Lamb is a big staple within Moroccan culture, as are sweets made with nuts and desserts such as almond butter cookies.” Overall, Mohamed and Nicole hope son Malik looks back and remembers togetherness with his family as well as his community. Eid traditions also include a financial contribution. When Nicole asked Malik if he would rather spend his piggy bank money on toys, candy or giving to another family in need, Malik said, “Let’s go give this money to someone who doesn’t have milk.” “For our family, that’s what matters,” said Nicole. “What are you doing for others? How are you caring for your community?”
THE DAADOUI FAMILY CELEBRATES THEIR FAVORITE TRADITIONS FROM BOTH EID AL-FITR AND CHRISTMAS.
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Thank you to everyone who took part in our 2021 Cover Kids Search!
The Oklahoma City metro is not short on kids with dazzling smiles, bright personalities and kind hearts! We loved meeting each and every child who participated in our 2021 Cover Kids Search event, which occurred virtually this year. After the registration period, our readers and fans voted on their favorite Cover Kid hopefuls in each
category, choosing our finalists, who then went on to the interview round with a panel of local judges. In addition to meeting our 2021 Cover Kids here and on their respective covers, our finalists are also recognized in these pages and you’ll get to meet them more in depth in 2021 as well.
Congratulations to our Cover Kids winners:
Ages 2-3: Warren Warren embodies joy and is adept at making others smile and laugh. He is crazy about football, soccer, music, reading and playing outdoors, especially at the OKC Zoo.
Ages 4-5: Sadie Sadie is a bubbly artist with a sparkling per- sonality who delights in creating, performing and playing piano. Her favorite places in OKC are Scissortail Park and the OKC Zoo.
Ages 6-7: Anabelle A talented dancer, Anabelle takes classes in ballet, tap, jazz and hip hop. She has a passion for drawing and singing and loves to visit the OKC Zoo.
Ages 8-9: Iker Thoughtful and with a great sense of humor, Iker’s hobbies include math challenges and creating origami. He is especially hip to OKC’s local restaurant scene.
Ages 10-12: Myles Myles is an actor who enjoys visits to The Plaza District and Lyric Theatre. Funny and easygoing, he’s also into archery and video games and loves to read.
Siblings: Gracie & Madison Sisters Gracie and Madison have fun together making slime, dancing, swimming, playing volleyball and watching scary movies. The duo checks out local splash pads and restaurants whenever possible.
12 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020
Congratulations to our reader-voted Cover Kids finalists!
Finalists Ages 2-3
Finalists Ages 4-5
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Congratulations to our reader-voted Cover Kids finalists!
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14 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020
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Congratulations to our reader-voted Cover Kids finalists!
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16 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020
Congratulations to our reader-voted Cover Kids finalists!
Finalists Siblings
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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020 17
BY ERIN PAGE Supporting kids who stutter Dr. Katerina Ntourou has spent the last 10 years of her life hyper-focused on researching and teaching about stuttering in children. She is the director of the Child and Family Stuttering Lab and an assistant professor at the Department of Communication Sciences and Disorders at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center. According to the National Stuttering Association, more than 3 million American adults stutter and 1 out of 30 children confronts the challenge daily.
A mom herself, Dr. Ntourou feels honored every time she has the opportunity to develop a trusting relationship with a family whom she can guide through the sometimes painful journey of helping a child who stutters become a confident communicator. Dr. Ntourou is seeking participants for a research study on children who stutter, so we asked her to share what she wishes the general population knew about stuttering: How prevalent is stuttering among children? If you go to a preschool or daycare, you’ll find about 5 percent of kids in this age range stutter. Eighty percent of those kids who begin to stutter between ages 2.5 and 3.5, when stuttering is most common, will stop stuttering without any treatment. If you follow up with those kids when they are elementary age, only about 1 percent will continue to stutter and potentially have a lifelong stutter. Boys are far more likely to persist in stuttering than girls. If a child stutters and also has a speech/articulation problem, they are more likely to persist in stuttering, as is a child who starts to stutter later, like ages 4 or 5. What causes a child to stutter? Stuttering is not learned or related to something parents have done wrong, and it does not persist into adulthood because parents or others draw attention to it. Rather stuttering is a neurodevelopmen- tal disorder caused by the complex interaction of different factors including genetics, environment and brain structure and function. About 60 percent of children who stutter have someone else in their family who stutters. Also, there is ample research evidence to suggest differences in brain structure and function between children who stutter and those who do not. When should a child be referred to a professional for stuttering intervention? Sometimes there is an assumption, often by pediatricians, that professional help should be sought if the child is at an increased risk to persist in stuttering, like if the child has been stuttering for more than a year and his stuttering has gotten more severe. But if I see that a child’s stuttering is impacting the child and the family, regardless of whether they are predisposed to persist, I would consider treatment. In the early preschool years, the goal of therapy is not only to enhance fluency but also to empower
and educate the family about stuttering, reduce the impact of stuttering on the family and foster acceptance of stuttering. Parents often, understandably, start to project to the future — will my child be made fun of, will they do well in school — and while we acknowledge and validate parents’ fears, it is important to help them focus on the here and now. In later years, when children are introduced to speech tools that can help them be more fluent it is important to maintain a very fine balance between encouraging them to use their speech tools while reinforcing the message that stuttering is OK and they can be competent communicators and successful in life regardless of their level of fluency. What are some strategies parents can employ at home to support a child who stutters? Let the child finish what they are saying and don’t interrupt. Get to their eye level and show you are truly listening to what they saying, not how they are saying it. Encourage everyone in the family to do the same. Above all, show your child not just with words but with facial expressions that you accept him the way he is. While parents’ intentions are good in giving advice like “speak slower, take a deep breath, think before you talk,” I suggest resisting giving that advice because it’s so hard for kids to do so.
18 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020
Arcadia Lake annual eagle watch Dress warmly and bring your binoculars. Begin at the Arcadia Lake Park Office to receive information about where the eagles can be spotted. The office also has a raptor wingspan display, videos and other great eagle info. Friday-Sunday January 8, 9 and 10 Arcadia Lake Park Office 9000 E. 2nd Street (approximately 3.5 miles east of I-35 on Rt. 66) For a person who stutters, there are a bunch of things happening under the surface, including how they feel about themselves. School-age kids and adolescents often feel shame, embarrassment and like they aren’t as competent as other kids. Adults who stutter are at a dramatically increased risk to develop social anxiety than adults who do not stutter. Social anxiety can negatively impact their progress in speech therapy and increase their chances of relapsing after therapy. Although it is likely stuttering contributes to the development of anxiety, not everyone who stutters has anxiety. Through my research I want to identify early risk factors in anxiety development so we can recognize kids who stutter who might be prone to develop anxiety later in life. The participants will help us learn more about stuttering, which in turn will help us develop novel and better treatment approaches to help children who stutter. How can parents teach kids who don’t stutter how to support those who do? It all comes down to teaching kids how to react to someone who is different from them. First and foremost, teach kids not to tease. It’s normal for kids to ask questions — like why does he speak like that? — when they hear someone stutter. Depending on the relationship, they can ask the other child or person about their stuttering. Especially if the child who stutters is older and in therapy, it can be very empowering for them to educate others about stuttering. They are the experts! What do you hope to learn more about in your current research on kids who stutter?
Do you have a child who stutters or know someone who does? Who is eligible to join Dr. Ntourou’s research study on stuttering: Kids ages 3 to 6 who stutter who can commit to one Zoom visit and one in-lab visit for three hours over two sessions. Children receive a speech-language assessment and assessment of stuttering from an expert in the field and will complete tasks on a computer while parents fill out questionnaires. Parents are compensated for time and travel. Find out more by contacting Dr. Ntourou at 405-271-4214, ext. 46069 or OUStutteringLab@ouhsc.edu.
SPONSORED BY THE CHILD AND FAMILY STUTTERING LAB AT THE UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA HEALTH SCIENCES CENTER
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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020 19
REAL MOMS OF THE METRO
ANDREA BRYANT IS DIRECTOR OF PEOPLE AND CULTURE FOR KIMRAY INC. AND A MOM OF TWO. PHOTO BY LAURA ECKEL PHOTOGRAPHY.
Collateral damage The effect of the pandemic on working moms
“This has required redefining what it means to be a professional,” said Cave, who owns Employers Legal Resource Center, where she works with metro small businesses and nonprofits in her specialty of employment law. “Can’t you be a professional and also have kids? There is room for both to coexist.” But that doesn’t mean it’s not agonizingly difficult. Tanzeena Francka, a mom of three and a senior human resources business partner with Boeing in Oklahoma City, says navigating the pandemic has been one of the biggest challenges she’s experienced as a parent. But she’s been appreciative of her company’s flexibility and support, which has strengthened her professional commitment. “If I wasn’t with an employer this flexible, I’m not sure what my family would have done,” said Francka. “We are all really feeling the mom guilt, but I have appreciated knowing even though I have extra parenting responsibilities right now that it’s not limiting my opportunities at work.” Even as Francka is working with her team on initiatives like engaging employees working virtually to keep a sense of camaraderie and reinforcing the expectation with managers to make flexibility and understanding a priority, she’s also navigating her two older kids’ virtual school days. Shontrice Sharpe, human resources manager for the AGS Oklahoma City office, reminds her employees they must communicate their needs during
As an attorney and business owner, Christine Cave has always made a point to separate her professional and home lives. Enter the COVID-19 pandemic, and she found herself on a video chat with a client while her 3-year- old sat on her lap. In another situation, she negotiated the settlement of a case over the phone, punctuated by the noise of her kids playing in the background.
BY ERIN PAGE . PHOTOS PROVIDED.
20 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020
TANZEENA FRANCKA IS A SENIOR HUMAN RESOURCES BUSINESS PARTNER WITH BOEING AND A MOM OF THREE. PHOTO BY CHAD AND BRIE PHOTOGRAPHY.
The perfect storm Women make up 50 percent of the workforce in the United States, and in half of the 30 million families with kids under 18, a breadwinner mother contributes at least 40 percent of household earnings, according to the Institute for Women’s Policy. From 2015 to 2020 in America, the representation of women in senior vice president roles grew from 23 to 28 percent, and from 17 to 21 percent in the C-Suite; while women, particularly women of color, remain grossly underrepresented, the numbers were improving. Then the COVID-19 pandemic hit and wom- en's careers have been disproportionately affected. According to Women in the Work- force, the largest comprehensive study of women in corporate America, 1 in 4 women are considering downshifting their careers or leaving the workforce. Their primary reasons are lack of flexibility, housework and caregiving burdens and burnout from feeling the need to work all hours while also worrying their performance is being judged because of caregiving responsibilities (mothers worry about this twice as much as fathers).
this pandemic, just like she has negotiated a more flexible schedule so she can help manage her three kids’ virtual schooling. Andrea Bryant, director of people and culture for Kimray Inc. and mom of two, has led initiatives to survey employees about their struggles with school or childcare so the company could address them proactively. Kimray has allowed remote working for non-production employees for the first time. While these metro moms have found or created new flexibilities for their workforces and themselves as the pandemic has drastically changed childcare and school schedules, they recognize not all working moms have been so fortunate and acknowledge even with supports in place, they are still struggling. “We’ve seen a rise in the diversity of the workforce [including] women in higher positions, but we’re likely going to see a reverse of that as a lot of women have to step back,” said Matt Tipton, owner of Why HR in Oklahoma City, of the pandemic’s effect on working moms. “Many moms especially are going to quit their jobs because it’s not worth it, trying to juggle employers who aren’t being helpful or trying to cut their pay.”
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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020 21
“There’s a false sense of ‘you’re a mom so you can juggle it all,’” said Tipton. “Businesses can’t fall into that.” More than three-quarters of women surveyed by Women in the Workforce with children under age 10 said childcare has been one of their top three challenges during the pandemic, with just 54 percent of fathers sharing that same concern. Mothers are more than three times as likely as fathers to be responsible for most of the housework and caregiving. For the 1 in 5 moms who don’t live with a spouse or partner, or for dual mom households, the challenges are even greater. “It’s hard to find that balance when you need to be teacher and support while still having a full-time job,” said Bryant. “I put a ton of pressure on myself to be the best I can professionally and as a mom and wife. Over the last few months I’ve felt I’ve failed at every one of those on more than one occasion. In reality, I haven’t failed; I need to have grace with myself and find the balance I need to meet the expectations I have for myself.” The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reports women made up 80 percent of the nearly 1.1 million workers who dropped out of the labor force in September 2020. So while women’s official rates of unemployment fell in September, that doesn’t account for those who left the workforce entirely. And while the overall unemployment rate of women fell to 7.4 percent in September, Hispanic and Black women’s rates rose to 11 and 11.1 percent respectively. One third of working women are employed in two industries hit hardest by the pandemic, the health and social assistance industry with increasing demands and potential burnout, and the leisure and hospitality industry, which is experiencing closures. While the underlying issues of women’s underrepresentation in leadership, the gender pay gap and women baring the brunt of household and caregiving responsibilities aren’t new, they’ve been exacerbated. “This is an incredibly stressful time, but for working parents, these aren’t novel issues, they’re just novel times,” said Cave. “Someone lit the match and we’re seeing things on a much more intense level.” How employers can support working moms While the Family First Coronavirus Relief Act provided some American parents with provisions to take partially-paid leave to
care for children out of school or daycare because of the affects of the pandemic, Cave says many working moms took that leave at the front end of the pandemic when the population largely assumed disruptions would be short-lived. With those provisions expiring at the end of 2020 and a pandemic still raging, some employers, which Cave calls not adaptable by nature, have chosen to become more flexible to support employees. “No business thinks this is going to be their best sales period, but maybe they will be building loyalty and commitment from their employees that translates to more productivity when they are able to return in a more traditional way,” said Cave. Even with a predominantly male workforce, especially in the Oklahoma City location, AGS has made accommodations for working parents. While full remote work isn’t possible for all administrative level staff because of the nature of the manufacturing business, some employees like Sharpe now work remotely a few days per week. “We want our employees to have a presence but we also don’t want their kids to suffer because this isn’t their fault,” said Sharpe. Sharpe, Bryant and Francka’s companies have each proactively asked employees what support they need at various points during the pandemic. Even if a specific situation can’t be assuaged to an employee’s exact specifications, management may be willing to compromise. “Employees have said there is value in flexibility, and it [should be] addressed on an individual level because there isn’t just a one-size fit,” said Bryant. “Small tweaks on the business side could be monumental for an employee.” Bryant now works from home three days per week, and thanks to flexibility in her schedule is able to drop her kids off at school for the first time in her career. Kimray team members are managed and evaluated on the quality of performance and work produced, not necessarily set hours during the course of the day. “We have started to do business in a different way and we’ve actually become better,” said Bryant. “Offering remote working has made some employees much more efficient.” Even supported working moms cite burnout, particularly those working from home. Francka’s days no longer have a set schedule, with constant shifting between mom and work modes. She spends
22 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020
BY CHARLES DICKENS • ADAPTED BY MICHAEL BARON CO-DIRECTED BY MICHAEL BARON & ASHLEY WELLS
SHONTRICE SHARPE IS THE HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER FOR AGS OKLAHOMA CITY AND A MOM OF THREE.
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weekends preparing for her kids’ virtual school days, planning lunches and snacks and coordinating work obligations with her husband. Though Sharpe’s kids have a virtual teacher, it’s up to Sharpe and husband Terrence to teach new material, and even with an organized schedule, sometimes chaos ensues. “There are still constant interruptions,” said Sharpe. “Some days are great, they stay on task and I can get work done, and other days I am helping with school work all day. I try not to be so hard on myself and stay in communication with my employer about deadlines.” Especially because of the propensity for burnout, mental health support for employees has never been more critical. Many businesses can and do provide the Employee Assistance Program, a common component of which is free or reduced cost counseling services. Boeing launched a new tele-health service partnership during the pandemic and has actively reminded employees of their access to EAP services. “We should also be reminding employees to exercise, to take a break from the computer and walk around, to give them permission [when it comes to] caring for mental health,” said Tipton. When Boeing’s employees said they missed personal interaction, an internal photo sharing site was developed to help them stay connected. Managers are consistently trained in engaging employees virtually. After-work virtual book clubs, game nights and happy hours have added a sense of camaraderie and fun.
“Study after study shows employees who feel appreciated and engaged are more efficient and effective,” said Francka. “Feeling like we’re all in this together is so important.” Tipton says businesses that support their employees during challenging times will see returns. "It may take a while, but it will pay dividends when it comes to retention, and that all goes to the bottom line,” Tipton. How moms can advocate for themselves While Tipton believes it’s imperative for women to understand their worth and negotiate with power both in a new job and a current situation, he says it’s ultimately employers’ responsibility to review longtime policies related to hiring, promotions and support to address systemic issues creating gender gaps. But that doesn’t negate the opportunity women can and should seize to advocate for themselves in the workplace. Tipton advises working parents to over communicate to their supervisors during the pandemic, especially if they are working remotely, to well-document time spent, tasks completed and goals achieved. Working moms should research the requirements of their job and what alternative arrangements could look like to achieve them. At Boeing, employees must work a specific number of hours but the company has provided employees with flexible options to consider, from job sharing to making use of personal time or sick leave.
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“It’s easier to have a conversation when you come to the table with potential solutions,” said Francka. Francka was concerned the pandemic and her added parental responsibilities would halt her career progression and employee development, but the opposite has held true in her situation, and she encourages other working moms to stay focused on long-term goals. “I worried in the beginning I might miss out on opportunities or [my employer] wouldn’t want to overload me because I have kids at home,” said Francka. “We’ve built a life around having two working parents, so it’s not just important to me but to my family.” Working moms can advocate for themselves by saying no to mom guilt and finding time to care for themselves. “Most of the time we hold stuff in, try to be strong, carry the weight and keep pushing through, but it’s not good in the long run,” said Sharpe. Sharpe says talking through her feelings and challenges with her husband or a
professional, taking breaks from social media and making time for activities she enjoys provide peace. The added weight of being an African American female during a time when racial injustice is such a relevant and sensitive topic has added an extra layer of stress and pain during the pandemic. “I have to show up to work and put on a smiling face when I may be hurting,” said Sharpe. “Still dealing with this in this day and age is hard for me to wrap my head around.” Sharpe finds empowerment in pausing to recognize her own strengths and professional knowledge. “I have a voice, I’m proud of who I am and I’m in a position where I can educate employ - ees,” said Sharpe. Cave firmly believes a focus on grace in sit - uations of ongoing stress makes a difference for employees and employers both. “You can be a great mom and still get emails done, even on a Saturday,” said Cave. “I’m trying to make sure I’m giving myself grace when the balance tips in one direction because of work deadlines and making time
on the other end to go get root beer floats and have fun.” Each of the working moms also acknowledges that changing jobs or leaving the workforce entirely may be the right answer for some, and that’s OK. “By nature, some businesses will not have the ability to provide the flexibility they need,” said Bryant. “People have to find what is right for them, and that may be completely different than what was right six months ago.” The gender gap The Economic Policy Institute reports that on average women are paid 23 percent less than men with similar education and experience. White women are paid 79 cents for every dollar paid a white man, and that number drops to 62 cents for Black women, 57 cents for Native women and 54 cents for Latinas, according to the National Partnership for Women and Families. Normal recessions close the gender pay gap by 2 percent, but a pandemic recession widens it by 5 percent, reports the National
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Bureau of Economic Research. Further, women often incur a pay penalty on returning to work after a prolonged absence — like after having a child or now withstanding a pandemic — earning up to 7 percent less than men in the same position, according to PayScale. And only two in five of the 12.1 million jobs lost by women from February to April have returned, according to the National Women’s Law Center. For moms who have exited the workforce to care for kids and want to return years later, Cave hopes for a future where employers or government policy would provide for reentry education and training to fill in gaps in areas like technology. “You don’t need two years to catch up, but you might need an 8-week course,” said Cave. “On a societal level, we have to figure out what the value of [working moms] is and if there are social policies to help support that.” Some of the practices businesses have put into place during the pandemic to support working parents could morph into long- term options to increase retention. Sharpe’s company is considering more flexible work- from-home policies. While to businesses and
employees alike, government initiatives like tax support and FFCRA may have felt like a Band-Aid, Cave says they were both fairly unusual and a good example of policy-level changes to examine for the future. “This is a good opportunity for us to all take a minute and reflect where our priorities are, from the working parent to those in a position of policy making in business to policy makers on state or national levels,” said Cave. Sharpe says when employers create more flexible policies that support working parents, they’re ultimately choosing success for their business. “Studies have shown women in leadership positions have led to more successful organizations,” said Sharpe. “You want employees to show up happy to be at work because ultimately they are creating your product. For your customers to be happy, that starts with the employee.” Bryant is proud that Kimray pays employees 100 percent of their salary when on maternity or paternity leave. She believes for long- lasting change businesses have to realize that what working parents are doing in their time
away from the job is just as important as their careers, and supporting them in those efforts reinforces their professional commitment. “We have to reevaluate how we’re compensating team members and ensuring people don’t fall behind,” said Bryant of assessing the gender pay gap. “When something [like the pandemic] becomes so widespread that it affects everyone and brings to light the issues we have, it’s the perfect time for working women to use our voices.” Francka has used her position to help educate those around her about the hardships of being a working mom and the value in supporting them. She finds hope in watching how other moms around the metro — and the globe — have been open about the challenges, too. “That fact opens the door for all of us to talk about our experiences as working moms, and that door will remain open after the pandemic and only help us from an equity perspective,” said Francka. “If we all band together and talk about how important this stuff is, we’re either in leadership positions where we can make change or we can influence leaders to make change.”
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Gift local The best gifts are those that inspire time together laughing and learning. From family fun and skill-building activities to unique toys and memory-making experiences, support locally-owned businesses while also wow-ing the kids, parents or grandparents in your life with these 22 gift ideas. Edmond Ice Rink Enjoy the colder weather this season by skating at this fun ice rink, open through Jan. 4 at Mitch Park. Tickets (which make great stocking stuffers!) are only $12 each for adults or $8 each for children ages 5 & under (includes skate rental). Details at edmondicerink.com . 405-923-8345 Girl Scouts Western Oklahoma Give the girl in your life experiences that will build her leadership skills, develop her entrepreneurial spirit and expand her passion for STEM. Girl Scouts Western Oklahoma now offers virtual and in- person activities for individuals, troops and families. Camp Trivera, located just east of the OKC Zoo, offers 19 acres of tent, treehouse and bunk room-style camping, along with a state-of-the-art STEM lab, climbing wall and underwater robotics. Now booking for days, overnights, weekends and events for girls and private groups. To learn more about Camp Trivera or to purchase a Girl Scout membership, call 405-528-GIRL or email info@gswestok.org. Memberships start at $25. gswestok.org Goldfish Swim School - Edmond This holiday season give the kids in your life the gift of swimming at Goldfish Swim School! Their Big Splash Holiday Package comes beautifully wrapped and ready to be placed under the tree. The package includes two months of group swim lessons plus a special tote bag, board book, towel, Christmas ornament and more, all for only $178 (retail $246) if bought before Dec. 31, 2020. Call 405- 696-7500 or visit them online at bit.ly/goldfishswimholidaypackage .
Hyatt Regency Frisco - Dallas This just-opened hotel is perfectly situated for your family to enjoy the fun museums and attractions in Frisco, Texas. It’s connected to the Stonebriar Centre Mall with more than 150 shops and restaurants, and KidZania, AMC Theaters, Dave and Busters and much more are located within walking distance. The Radiance! Package is a special holiday option that includes a ticket to a drive-thru holiday light experience. Find them on social media @hyattregencyfriscodallas for more information. Rooms start at $139/night. hyattregencyfriscodallas.com K9 University, LLC Fido’s manners need a brush-up? Give the gift of dog training and get your pup in shape before the family arrives for the holidays. Or give a certificate to your favorite dog owner. Five weeks of obedience classes are only $175. K9 University is following CDC guidelines to keep class participants safe. Find more at myk9u.com or by calling 405-231-4335. Learning Tree Toys, Books and Games Come see why this store has been named a “Family Favorite” by MetroFamily readers for years. Located in Nichols Hills at 7638 N Western, Learning Tree offers a large inventory of safe, durable and innovative toys, books, games and activities for all ages. Staff specializes in child development and will help you pick the best toys for your child’s age and interests! Find more on their Facebook page (search Learning Tree OKC), at learningtreeokc.com or call 405-848-1415.
FIND THESE AND HUNDREDS OF OTHER TOYS AT LEARNING TREE: KULLERBÜ CITY STROLL, $98; TREKKING THE NATIONAL PARKS BOARD GAME, $49; CYBER TALK ROBOT, $79
26 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / DECEMBER 2020
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