FAMILY MENTAL WELLNESS
How Setting Boundaries Can Preserve Your Mental Health This Season BY APRIL DORNIDON DEOCARIZA The holiday season can evoke feelings of sipping warm drinks by the fire, reuniting with loved ones and opening gifts. But for families who already juggle a lot of responsibilities throughout the year, the holiday season can also bring an added layer of anxiety, stress and even depression. In the quest to “do all the things,” people may find their holidays not so merry and bright after all. MAKING A Merry Holiday What’s the key to avoiding burnout? Setting boundaries. “Especially around the holidays, there is this desire to go above and beyond to make everybody else happy,” said Heather Warfield, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Calm Waters Center for Children and Families. “We lose a lot of [ourselves] in taking on too much, which can leave us feeling stressed, overwhelmed or burdened. Making sure we are setting boundaries during the holidays can be good for maintaining our mental health and staying positive.” Boundary setting entails taking ownership of what you can and cannot do and being able to voice that, said Janae Neal, who holds a master’s degree in psychology with emphasis in applied behavior analysis. “Identify what you are comfortable with and stick to that,” advised Neal. Sounds easy enough, but how can we actually put boundary setting into practice? Open and honest communication early on can be the necessary step toward a happy holiday. Here are some common scenarios many people may encounter this season with tips on managing those conversations.
Be the “hostess with the mostess,” but with boundaries It can feel great to host grandparents, extended family or friends during the holidays, but having visitors in your home can also throw your normal routine off schedule. All of a sudden, your kids are getting more screen time than you’d typically allow, bedtime has shifted to an unseemly hour and the children are getting late-night treats from grandma. How can parents set boundaries with visitors and still keep the peace? “Talk with your guests ahead of time so there aren’t any surprises when they arrive,” said Warfield. “Let them know what the schedule is going to look like and why that is in place. Saying why something is important sometimes gets missed in the conversation, but explaining the reasoning can be helpful in making sure the boundary is upheld. Think about what anticipated issues may come up so you can start talking about them.” The last thing anyone wants during the holidays is hurt feelings, but parents can mitigate this by how they speak to their guests. “Try to alleviate any kind of messages you think could be misinterpreted, especially if there has been a pattern of someone
52 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / NOV-DEC 2021
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