The Elementary Years (ABOUT SEX) t
Let’s Talk About... HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
BY RONNEAL MATHEWS , THRIVE OKC
Talking to kids in elementary school about sexual health may feel scary and confusing for parents and caregivers. What concepts are young children ready to learn and able to understand? While it may be tempting to “wait until they’re ready,” the truth is, we should be teaching our kids at every age about their bodies, their relationships with people around them and about our family values regarding sexual health. Early childhood is a great time to build the foundation of healthy relationships, body awareness and autonomy and respect for self and others. Specifically, when kids enter elementary school (around age 6), they begin to think more about how the world around them affects not only them but others. They are becoming much more aware of their bodies and they may begin to experience feelings of attraction to others. They may not yet be skilled at abstract thinking, problem solving and thinking from alternative perspectives. Older kids in this group (ages 11 to 12) may still struggle with abstract thinking, but they are beginning to devel- op the ability to understand that issues are not always clear cut and may be understood and interpreted in different ways. When it comes to sexual health, this means the elementary years are a good time to: • Educate yourself and position yourself as a trusted adult that the children in your life can ask questions of and talk to. • Help kids learn about and understand how their bodies work. This may include discussions about current and impending changes, puberty and self-care. • Teach the importance of giving and receiving consent for affection from family and friends (i.e. hugging, giving kisses, holding hands or touching someone else’s body). • Teach what it means to be a good friend and how to tell the difference between healthy, respectful relationships and ones that may not be healthy.
• Children at this age may become interested in developing more complex friendships and may also begin to experience feelings of attraction to others. Discuss with them that good communication is the foundation for all types of healthy relationships; that it’s not OK to physically hurt or be hurt by others; that abuse can be emotional, mental and/or physical and that all people deserve respect and dignity. • Start having conversations about intimate relationships. What is a relationship? What’s great about being in a healthy relationship? Our kids are bombarded with images of people in all kinds of relationships in the media and in their own lives. Talk to the kids in your life about how you met your partner, what makes a good relationship partner and your personal family values about love, sex and relationships. CONSENT • Teach kids that people get to decide what happens to their bodies and that different people like different kinds of touch (i.e. hugs, kisses and holding hands). They have the right to say yes or no to different kinds of touch based on their level of comfort. This is called bodily autonomy. Show children that you respect their bodily autonomy by not forcing them to hug or kiss relatives or friends, asking them if they would like hugs or kisses from you (and respecting their answers!) and explaining when certain kinds of touch may be needed for their health and safety (i.e. holding hands to cross the street or being examined by a medical professional). • Teach them that kids cannot consent to sexual activity and that anyone who tries to seek consent from them to engage in such activities is wrong and they should tell a trusted adult immediately. If someone does something sexual to them, make sure they know it is never their fault and, even if the person asked for permission, they did not have the right to do so.
46 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAR-APR 2022
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