1. Language is everything in the home. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? Nah. Actually, words can wreak havoc in the worst way. A better reminder is that words have the power of life and death. Speak life and encourage kids to do the same. 2. Make time to connect. Does your family share “highs and lows” at dinner time, or engage in some other “share” to reconnect over a meal? Instead of going in order, pass the turn by sharing one thing you love about the family member you “tag” to share next! 3. Set communication values. Converse over a meal or in a short family meeting to name three to five top family communication values, such as not interrupting one another, not yelling at each other and always greeting each other with “Good morning” and “Good night.” Greetings are simple ways to foster mini connections on a daily basis. 4. Manage interruptions. Do your kids ever interrupt each other? Just mine? When one sibling answers for another, or gives
unsolicited input, I encourage our children to say, “Not in my yard.” This has been much more helpful than reprimanding with words like “stop interrupting!” Actually, when I first started teaching my boys this technique, I would give an intense “ahem!” so my youngest would catch the hint, and he would get so excited to say, “Not in my yard!” Not only did my vocalization get his attention about interrupting and correcting his brother, but it gave him his own boundaries, which kids actually love. Boundaries, even in communication, show us where we can play. They give us healthy restrictions, but they also give us freedom! Empowering with affirmation Truly, speaking life starts on a personal level. We must first learn to speak value and love over ourselves before we can dish it to others. Affirmations are an incredible way to empower siblings with meaningful language — the kind that gives us an indication of how important I am, and how important you are, too.
Our two 7-year-old boys each have their own identity mantra. They are similar but have a few tweaks custom to their individual needs of assurance and self-esteem. For example, they both begin with, “I am a masterpiece, created in God’s image. I’m super smart, super kind” … and then they get a little different. DaMarion’s mantra includes how calm and thoughtful he is because his energy is lit and I want him to know the value of a calm spirit, too. One of his special gifts is how thoughtful and sentimental he is to his family and friends, and I want to celebrate that! For Isaiah, we added “super fast.” He’s 5 months younger than his speed-racer brother, so we want to encourage his abilities that he desires to grow in. His also ends with “… my mom believes in me, my dad believes in me, God believes in me and I believe in me” because he’s very hard on himself and needs reassurance to believe in himself. Sometimes that starts with seeing himself through our eyes because he trusts us and our opinion of him. This might seem like an indirect way of fostering their bond — and it is!
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