MetroFamily Magazine May June 2024

MetroFamily Magazine. OKC Family Fun & Resources. Local events calendar.

MAY/JUNE 2024

All Aboard! Roll down to Fort Worth on the Heartland Flyer Rad Dads & Mama Mavens Local gift ideas for Mother’s Day & Father’s Day

Encouraging Healthy Living for the Next Generation

The TSET Healthy Youth Initiative empowers Oklahoma’s youth to adopt healthier lifestyles through tobacco cessation, nutrition education and physical activity programs.

Youth-led program

Vaping prevention

Tobacco cessation

Rural tobacco prevention

Obesity prevention

Health in schools

Tobacco prevention

Vaping cessation

Beef’s Nutrients Support Adolescent Girls and Women’s Health

Iron-deficiency anemia is on the rise in the United States, disproportionately affecting adolescent girls and adult females. 3

1. U.S. Department of Agriculture and U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Dietary Guidelines for Americans, 2020-2025. 2020. 2. U.S. Department of Agriculture, Agricultural Research Service. FoodData Central, 2019. fdc.nal.usda. gov. (NDB for beef #13364, NDB for egg #01332, NDB for chicken breast #05064, NDB for pork #10093) increases, particularly in females. 3 As part of a healthy diet, beef helps close nutrient gaps in vulnerable populations by providing essential nutrients, including iron, protein zinc, vitamins B12 and B6, and choline. 1,2 The Dietary Guidelines for Americans (DGA) recognize that lean meats, including beef, help nourish at every life stage. 1 Research suggests that as U.S. consumption of iron-rich food declines, especially beef consumption, prevalence of iron-deficiency anemia

FEMALE IRON REQUIREMENTS INCREASE STARTING IN ADOLESCENCE

18MG

Male Female

15MG

11MG

10MG

8MG

4-8yr

9-13yr

14-18yr

19-50

Age

3. Sun H, Weaver CM. Decreased Iron Intake Parallels Rising Iron Deficiency Anemia and Related Mortality Rates in the US Population. J Nutr. 2021;151(7):1947-1955. doi:10.1093/jn/nxab064 4. Institute of Medicine. Food and Nutrition Board. Dietary Reference Intakes for Vitamin A, Vitamin K, Arsenic, Boron, Chromium, Copper, Iodine, Iron, Manganese, Molybdenum, Nickel, Silicon, Vanadium, and Zinc : a Report of the Panel on Micronutrients. Washington, DC: National Academy Press; 2001.

Go to BeefItsWhatsForDinner.com for great beef recipes.

Contents

Features 10 OH, BABY!

ON THE COVER Brothers Mason and Aiden are the sons of MetroFamily’s award- winning travel writer and photographer

Cue the heart eyes for our Cutest Baby Photo Contest winners CELEBRATING AWESOME MOMS Meet the inspiring winner and finalists of our annual contest 14 RAD DADS & MAMA MAVENS Local gift ideas for Mother’s Day & Father’s Day 16 NAVIGATING ENHANCED FOSTER CARE One local family’s meaningful story 18 INSPIRATIONAL FIRST AMERICANS Meet composer and Indigenous music ambassador Jerod Impichchaachaaha’ Tate 36 METROFAMILY’S ULTIMATE SUMMER FUN GUIDE Check out top spots in the metro and nearby travel destinations

Debbie Murnan and her husband, Patrick. The family enjoys

chasing adventures, exploring, hiking, trying new restaurants, dancing and volunteering. PHOTO BY FOTO ARTS PHOTOGRAPHY

PHOTO BY RAGAN FRANKLIN

38 SEASONAL SNACK BOARDS FOR THE WIN!

Healthy, hassle-free hacks for family mealtimes made easy 2024 SUMMER SAFETY GUIDE Essential tips for OKC families to safeguard summer fun

Departments 6 CONNECT WITH METROFAMILY Take advantage of our top seasonal resources 20 MOM TALK

The sandwich generation: the realities of caring for children and aging parents

22 CALENDAR OF EVENTS

Frugal family fun and festivals worth the drive

37 NEW & NOW

4 newsworthy happenings for families

42 LOCAL FAMILY FUN

Explore 100 days of summer adventures EXPLORING BEYOND OKLAHOMA All aboard the Heartland Flyer to Fort Worth

62 LAST LOOK

A tribute to a mother’s strength

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Letter from the Editor

M ay marks the end of the school year, unofficial start of summer, Mother’s Day and graduation celebrations — and it’s also National Foster Care Awareness Month. I have been reporting on the state of foster care in Oklahoma for nearly 10 years, and in that time I’ve learned, I’ve cried and I’ve gained so much empathy for all the parties involved — from the children in foster care and foster parents to the biological families and hard-working staff at Oklahoma Human Services. About the time I began reporting on foster care, Oklahoma Human Services enacted the Pinnacle Plan, which completely revamped the entire foster care system to streamline processes; engage nonprofit agencies in helping recruit, train and support foster families; and enact more preventative measures to support families proactively, safely reducing the need for child welfare services. The direction of forward-thinking leaders like current director Dr. Deb Shropshire and former director Justin Brown spearheaded these efforts, but that can-do attitude has been evident throughout the department amongst administrators, case workers and staff. And yet our state finds itself again in a crisis with more children in care than our current qualified foster homes can handle. Let me emphasize: this is clearly not for lack of ongoing hard work by Oklahoma Human Services and their staff. The number of children in care is smaller than it was 10 years ago. But the needs of those children are more acute. Of the just over 6,000 kids in care as of March 1, more than 520 children qualified for Enhanced Foster Care (EFC). As you’ll read about on page 16, EFC serves children who have experienced significant trauma and who have unique behavioral and mental health challenges. EFC also offers support to their foster families. In addition, in Oklahoma County, more than 48 percent of children in foster care were placed out of county as of March 1. More than 26 percent of those children were placed in a county that didn’t border their home county, making family time with their parents, siblings and other relatives extremely difficult. If we had more foster families in every community across the state, that would increase the possibility that children could be kept close to home and in the same foster home as their siblings. As of March 1, more than 100 siblings in Oklahoma County were separated. Finally, we have fewer families stepping up to provide respite, healing and hope. In the midst of this season’s chaos and family fun planning, will you consider whether becoming a foster family could be a fit for you? Or how you can directly support foster families? When we join together, we can create brighter futures for all our children.

2023

MetroFamily Magazine is published bimonthly. Copyright 2024 by MetroFamily HoldCo, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Articles and advertisements in MetroFamily do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the magazine or MetroFamily HoldCo, LLC. We do not assume responsibility for statements made by advertisers or editorial contributors. The acceptance of advertising by MetroFamily does not constitute an endorsement of the products, services, or information. We do not knowingly present any product or service which is fraudulent or misleading in nature. Publisher Sarah Taylor Editorial & Marketing Director Erin Page Digital Editor Lindsay Cuomo Art Director Stacy Noakes Assistant Editor Emiley Bainbridge Account Executive Dana Price Events Director Casey Shupe Operations Director Morgan Harris Content & Account Specialist Renee Filippo Advertising & Distribution Manager Kelli Newsome Contributing Writers Sasha Hughes Christina Mushi-Brunt Contributing Photographer Bridget Pipkin Contact us Mailing address: 6608 N. Western Ave., #458 Oklahoma City, OK 73116 Phone: 405-601-2081 tips@metrofamilymagazine.com metrofamilymagazine.com

With hope,

Erin Page Managing Editor Statistics provided by Oklahoma Human Services

Proud member of

Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce, Edmond Chamber of Commerce & Midwest City Chamber of Commerce

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY-JUNE 2024 5

Connect with MetroFamily

Your Parenting Playbook for OKC in May & June

Vote for your favorites Find 5 opportunities to learn, have fun, take advantage of local resources and win fantastic prizes from MetroFamily in May and June. 1 MetroFamily’s annual Family Favorites awards! Now it’s time to vote to help us crown the winners — and help local parents easily find the metro’s top resources for families. Vote daily May 1 through 15 at metrofamilymagazine.com/ vote . Each time you vote, you’ll be entered for a chance to WIN a family staycation , which includes a two-night stay at The Ellison Hotel, breakfast at Milo and general admission and Wild Encounter tickets to the OKC Zoo! Thanks to all of you who nominated your favorite OKC businesses, attractions and organizations for

Our primary goal at MetroFamily is to make life easier for local parents. Through our bi-monthly magazines, robust website blogs by local parents and exciting events and contests, we seek to tame parent overwhelm and infuse joy into your families. The best way to get all the family fun and parenting resources from MetroFamily is to sign up for our FREE e-newsletter. You’ll receive bite-sized timely news, top weekend events, info on our contests to

win fabulous prizes, seasonal guides and real-life parenting tips straight to your email inbox. Sign up at metrofamilymagazine.com/subscribe. 

SAT. JUNE 8, 2024 7:30 A.M.–NOON SPRING CREEK PARK KIDS AGES 5–15 FREE EVENT ARCADIA LAKE’S KIDS FISHING DERBY

405-216-7471

and worms will be for sale at the event site. Parents must accompany children.

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Ultimate Summer Fun!

Enter our Ultimate Summer Fun Contest

When we say summer, you say fun! Enter for your chance to WIN our Ultimate Summer Fun Contest with prizes like a one-night stay at Oklahoma Awesome Adventures with an extended elephant feeding experience, Heartland Flyer round-trip tickets to Fort Worth, tickets to Tanganyika Wildlife Park in Wichita, Kan. and much more! Enter daily from May 15 through June 19 at metrofamilymagazine.com/ contests.

PHOTO BY CARL SHORTT JR.

Seize the season Looking for the best in #okcfamilyfun this season? Planning an Oklahoma road trip? Find Oklahoma’s best beaches, waterfall hikes, drive-in theaters, splash pads, day trips, summer reading programs, tasty summertime treats and much more in our Summer Fun Guides at metrofamilymagazine.com/summer.

Preregister Now!

Seniors Couples Families Events Kids Life

Saturday, June 1, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Mitch Park YMCA 2901 Marilyn Williams Dr, Edmond Enjoy a celebration of all things health & wellness! Fun for everyone! metrofamilymagazine.com/thrive-fest

Hosted by YMCA of Greater OKC and Edmond Parks & Recreation

fotoartsphotography.com • (405) 326-1533

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY-JUNE 2024 7

Connect with MetroFamily

Get our magazines delivered

Join us for Thrive Fest on June 1 Enjoy a celebration of family health and wellness at Thrive Fest on Saturday, June 1 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Held at Mitch Park YMCA, Thrive Fest features dozens of family fun activities and local resources promoting physical health, mental wellness, nutrition and safety. Families will enjoy a family fun walk, inflatables, face painting, a Nerf battle zone, games and crafts. Tickets are just $5 per child when you register in advance. Plus, when you register early you’ll receive a FREE 10-day YMCA pass and be entered for a chance

For just $25 annually, become a MetroFamily Insider and receive a mailed subscription to MetroFamily Magazine, discounted and early bird tickets to MetroFamily events, including Thrive Fest on June 1, and other special offers. Join today at metrofamilymagazine. com/insider.

to WIN a YMCA membership! Thank you to Thrive Fest host sponsors: YMCA of Greater OKC and Edmond Parks & Recreation.

Why advertise with MetroFamily? With over 25 years of experience, the team at MetroFamily knows what works to reach local parents who want the best for their kids. We'll help you set and accomplish goals within your budget to engage our active audience.

Our next print issue will highlight our reader-selected Family Favorites honorees, as well as special Party Guide and Kids Program sections. Print ad deadline is June 12.

Contact us today and we'll get you connected to thousands of OKC area active and engaged parents! 405-601-2081 • info@metrofamilymagazine.com

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Let’s Party! Make your child’s celebration extra special with these local businesses.

Get our online Party Guide.

BEST PARTY SPOT!

PARTIES // TOURNAMENTS // OPEN PLAY

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Unique Party Packages www.jasminemoran.com

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Be highlighted in our Party Guide! Contact MetroFamily Magazine today! 405-601-2081 info@metrofamilymagazine.com

LOOKING FOR A CAKE FOR YOUR SPECIAL OCCASION?

LET’S CELEBRATE! Party programs that wow every child on their special day Stop in or call to book your party 9410 N. May Avenue, Oklahoma City, OK, 75120 405-395-2844 NOW OPEN ON SUNDAYS!

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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY-JUNE 2024 9

T he team at MetroFamily got to “meet” 120 adorable babies through our 2024 Cutest Baby Photo Contest. Every single one captured our hearts and it was next to impossible to select the winners. Oh, Baby! BY ERIN PAGE . PHOTOS PROVIDED.

Thanks to everyone who submitted photos, and thank you to prize sponsors: Peg Perego, SnüzPod, Lansinoh, Bellabu Bear, Oilogic, Pure Enrichment, Leveret, 7AM Enfant, Beli Baby, KeaBabies, Unplug Soy Candles and Heirloom.

Congratulations to our 2024 Cutest Baby Photo Contest winners!

Beatrice, Patrick and William 6 months These triplets love smiling at each other, listening to music, reading books, swinging and going for walks.

Kashton 6 months Kashton loves watching Ms. Rachel, eating bananas and playing with his toy giraffe.

Elijah 7 months

Elijah loves to eat sweet potatoes, bananas, peas and yogurt, play in his jumper and look at books.

Eliana 8 months

Eliana likes music, crawling and eating sweet potatoes and bananas.

Crystal 10 months Crystal loves books, playing with her toy monkey and eating her grandma’s chicken soup.

Jovie 8 months

Jovie loves books, toys that make noise and whatever her big brother is doing.

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Ronin 1 year

Ronin loves eating bananas and pasta, walking and playing with his toys.

Zayn 2 years Zayn likes to jump, play and practice running fast.

To help our clients adjust to a class- room setting, IBH provides replica classrooms, six-stall bathrooms, a full outdoor playground and a school-like schedule so kids can learn to adapt to the changes in routines and activities of a regular school setting. IBH provides play-based Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) services in natural environments: • Clinic • School • Home • Community

Bria 2 years Bria loves to eat chicken and cheese, play with her baby dolls and stuffed puppy dogs and be with her brother.

Forrest 2 years

Integrated Brain Health

ABA Clinic & Occupational Therapy

Forrest likes dancing, swimming, going to the zoo, being outside and talking to people at the grocery store.

Serving Oklahoma families for over 13 years and voted a Family Favorite by MetroFamily readers.

Family Favorites metro family

Jackson 3 years Jackson loves macaroni and cheese, construction toys, soccer and everything related to Paw Patrol .

Call to schedule a tour and to discuss how IBH can provide an individualized treatment plan for your child and family, or an Autism Assessment with a psychologist . Most insurances are accepted. 405-702-9032 IBHealth.co

MetroFamily’s next Cutest Baby Photo Contest will be held in February 2025. Subscribe to our free e-newsletter and you’ll be the first to know about this and other contests throughout the year.

3838 NW 36th St, Ste 200 Oklahoma City, OK 73112 @integratedbrainhealth

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY-JUNE 2024 11

wesome MOMS

Celebrating

BY CHRISTINA MUSHI-BRUNT . PHOTOS PROVIDED.

M ore than 60 metro moms were nominated for our annual Awesome Moms contest, and we are inspired by each of their stories. Thanks to everyone who submitted nominations this year! Celebrate the stories of all our nominees by visiting metrofamilymagazine.com/2024-awesome-moms. Thank you to our Awesome Moms prize sponsors: Wyndham Grand Oklahoma City Downtown, The Spa at 10 North, Redrock Canyon Grill, Mama Roja, Hefner Grill and Upper Crust Wood Fired Pizza.

Congratulations to the 2024 Awesome Moms winner and finalists!

was soon adopted, her parents divorced when she was 3. She spent the next 11 years experiencing extensive abuse from her adoptive mother and returned to state custody at 14. At 21, Tyler became pregnant. “I can honestly say … she saved my life,” said Tyler of her daughter. Tyler’s 13-year-old daughter, Tia, whom she describes as a “fireball,” is neurodivergent. “What I love about her is that she doesn’t identify with the diagnosis,” said Tyler. “She just beats to the rhythm of her own drum.” Tia plays the trumpet, plays soccer and loves to travel. The two began traveling together following Tia’s fifth birthday party. “We threw this big party,” recalls Tyler. “At the end of it, she said, ‘I don’t want to do that again.’” Ever since, the two travel to different parts of the country to celebrate Tia’s birthday. For Tyler, creating memories with Tia is vital because positive memories are glaringly missing from her own childhood. Tyler also shares the love of her job with Tia. She is the accounting director for Daily Living Centers, a nonprofit adult day services provider in central Oklahoma. Tia can occasionally be found playing bingo with or serving lunch to those who attend the facility. Tyler and Tia’s strong relationship is apparent to those at the center. “Tyler always does a tremendous job at work but always makes sure her daughter is [her]

number one priority,” wrote Amanda, Tyler’s boss, in her Awesome Moms nomination of Tyler. Tyler also credits Tia with sparking her hobby as a skilled woodworker. While pregnant, Tyler couldn’t find nursery furniture she liked. Longing for something unique, she bought a crib and restored it. Tyler started making her own furniture from watching YouTube and virtual woodworking classes and then began teaching classes. Tyler even participated in a nationwide DIY Network online contest and reached the top 10 contestants. Tyler’s woodworking and her friends have helped her survive difficult circumstances as an adult. Following a miscarriage, she built herself a bed. However, unlike the dark days of her childhood, she wasn’t alone in this project. “My friends came over … none of them knew how to use power tools or anything … but they came over to help,” recalls Tyler. Friends like these are whom Tyler now calls family. They have offered support at every turn. Diagnosed with stage two gastric cancer in 2020, Tyler underwent chemotherapy and radiation all while still building and teaching classes. Now in remission, Tyler still undergoes maintenance chemo treatments. “Why do I continue to survive and why haven’t I given up? I honestly can say it’s because I am a mom,” said Tyler with conviction. “It’s because of my child that I was put on this Earth.”

WINNER Tyler Hill

After a turbulent childhood and through a battle with cancer, motherhood is what has given Tyler Hill the strength to transcend life’s trials and provides her ongoing hope. Tyler was born a survivor. She was born addicted to crack cocaine and immediately placed into state custody. Although she

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“Our mothers, and women in general, are such an important part of forming who we are as people,” said Kristen. A member of the Cherokee Nation, Kristen’s heritage also includes Muskogee, Lakota and Oklahoma Seminole affiliations. Beyond her personal identity, Kristen’s deep-rooted connection to her roots has shaped her values of compassion and community, evident through her devotion to her family in times of crisis. When Kristen’s niece’s boyfriend was badly injured in a car accident, Kristen spent weeks attending to the needs of her 8-months- pregnant niece. “Whenever you’re a mom, you have to mother other mothers,” said Kristen. When her grandmother entered her final stages of life, Kristen assumed the role of caregiver, honoring her grandmother’s legacy. “I try to keep it in the spirit of how my grandmother treated us … I think I was just repaying the kindness and love that she gave me,” said Kristen. The matriarchal thread has also been woven into Kristen’s professional life and desire to health is not just a professional endeavor, it is a personal one. Stephanie grew up in south OKC. She faced challenges in childhood, including an abusive father and being raised by a single parent who struggled with substance use and mental health. In high school, Stephanie left home. She connected with a program called Upward Bound, a college preparatory program for first-generation college students. She earned her bachelor’s and master’s degrees and is now a counselor at Putnam City High School. Stephanie’s own experience with homelessness prepared her for her role as homeless liaison for students in her school community, a responsibility she’s extremely passionate about. “I help those students who are unaccompanied or between living places with finding resources and planning,” said Stephanie. In summer 2024, Stephanie will begin the process of earning her licensed professional counselor credentials. Stephanie credits her and her husband James’ decision to go to college as a pivotal point in her journey as a mom.

give back to the community. Kristen is director of institutional research at Rose State College, where she is responsible for data and information technology. She is also a member of Matriarch, a female- led nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering Native American women. She was recently accepted into Rematriation, a new leadership program for Indigenous women in STEM. “It’s just amazing to make connections with other Indigenous women who are trailblazing where there aren’t many Indigenous women, especially in higher education,” said Kristen. The program has helped Kristen’s daughters see what it’s like to navigate being a woman of color in spaces where there are few present. As a family, Kristen and her four kids enjoy spending time together watching movies and going to Frontier City. As the matriarch in her own household, Kristen’s legacy of kindness is reflected in her kids. “Getting compliments [that] your kids are kind and generous people … means more than any award, accolade or achievement I could ever have because they are my greatest achievement,” said Kristen. “It greatly changed things for us and really opened a world of opportunities,” said Stephanie. Both survivors of difficult childhoods, Stephanie notes that she and James have worked hard to parent intentionally and prioritize their mental health. They have two children, Michael, 8, and Madelynn, 1. Stephanie’s journey to motherhood was not without challenges, as Michael spent 24 days in the NICU. Then, Stephanie experienced postpartum depression. “I kept thinking, I’ll get over this … he’s home now,” recalls Stephanie. “Then after a while it was like, OK, I’m not getting over it and I need help.” Family and community support have been instrumental to Stephanie as a mom. She is grateful that her mother, now sober and healthy, is able to be a part of her children’s lives. “I remember in high school praying for these things, and now looking back, I’m just so grateful for it,” said Stephanie. “I learned some hard lessons through my past, but it’s made these moments as a mother even more beautiful.”

FINALIST Kristen Chewey Kristen Chewey leans into her Native American matriarchal culture as a mom and working professional.

FINALIST Stephanie Boynkin

For high school counselor Stephanie Boynkin, helping students address their mental

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY-JUNE 2024 13

Rad Dads & Mama Mavens

It’s the season to show your loved ones how much they mean to you! Find unique gifts for the moms and dads in your life at these local stores. Not only will you discover one-of-a-kind treasures, you’ll also experience personalized attention from local business owners. Local gift ideas for Mother’s Day & Father’s Day

ABC Office Furniture 510 W Reno Ave, OKC 405-236-3166 abcofficeok.com Hard-working moms and dads deserve the comfort of an adjustable, ergonomic office chair. Find a variety of price points and colors at ABC Office

Scissortail Gifts 1400 Classen Dr, OKC 405-235-4458 scissortailgifts.com Scissortail Gifts features over 100 local vendors and a variety of Made in Oklahoma products. Located in the Oklahoma Hall of Fame, Scissortail Gifts is the perfect place to shop and support local businesses. One-of-a-kind products perfect for Mother’s Day include candles, body oils and chocolate. For Father’s Day, dad will love custom ties, cufflinks and tasty snacks.

Furniture. This out-of-the-box gift idea will be appreciated every day of the year! Stop by their store at Reno & Walker in downtown OKC. Assembly and delivery are available for your convenience.

MetroFamily Magazine 405-601-2081 metrofamilymagazine.com Know a parent or grandparent always

looking for fun things to do with their kids or grandkids? Gift them a MetroFamily Insiders membership for just $25 and they’ll receive a 12-month subscription (6 issues) to MetroFamily Magazine, plus other perks such as tickets to MetroFamily events and more. Purchase a gift membership at metrofamilymagazine. com/subscribe.

Father’s Day June 16 Mother’s Day May 12

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SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION

Oklahoma Shakespeare in the Park 2920 Paseo, OKC

405-235-3700 okshakes.org

Give the gift of a special shared experience this Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Tickets to Oklahoma Shakespeare in the Park’s upcoming productions of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Macbeth and Hamlet are a perfect way to honor and celebrate your loved one. And you’ll all enjoy a quality performance under the stars in the Paseo District. Individual and season tickets are available at okshakes.org.

Persimmon Hill at the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum 1700 NE 63rd St, OKC 405-478-2250 persimmonhillstore.com

Inside the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum, find a curated collection of elevated Western gifts perfect for everyone on your list this spring and summer. From authentic Native American jewelry and clothing to home goods and décor, Persimmon Hill’s wide variety of items will be sure to make mom, dad, grads and grandparents smile. Plus, you can purchase gift memberships to the museum for a full year of family fun!

Johnny and June 12 NW 9th St, OKC 405-240-9068 johnnyandjuneokc.com

Johnny and June offers fun and unique gifts at their store in downtown OKC. Since 2016, they’ve been handcrafting soy-based candles with a wide selection of unique scents such as Hello Handsome and Wildflower. Find special gifts that reflect your loved ones’ personalities at this eclectic shop.

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY-JUNE 2024 15

SPECIAL ADVERTISING SECTION

Navigating the World of Enhanced Foster Care The Kincaids’ story BY ERIN PAGE

The Kincaids went through Oklahoma Human Services’ intense training program, which focuses on parenting children from trauma and understanding and coping with challenging behaviors. They have faced their fair share of trials with the children in their care, from verbal and physical aggression to instances of self- harm and property damage. None of those behaviors are surprising considering the levels of abuse, neglect and trauma the children have withstood. Patience and stability are key to helping kids make positive changes. “They need someone to explain that the way they were raised was not appropriate, that it’s not their fault and that it is going to get better,” said Cindy. “They need to know they are safe.” Strict routines have been especially important for the children, as are regular counseling appointments, which can even be provided in the home through EFC. Extracurricular activities give them a positive outlet for their energy or aggression. While any foster family who takes placement of a child who qualifies for EFC may receive services, Cindy recommends families interested in EFC begin with traditional foster care and work their way toward EFC. She cautions parents not to think of themselves as heroes, swooping in to save children, and to understand the challenges that come along with EFC in particular. “These children are not victims,” said Cindy. “If you give them a victim mentality, they will live in that. They do not have to be a victim of their circumstances. My children are survivors.” The intricacies of Enhanced Foster Care The Kincaids are committed to the long- term stability of the children in their care, but they’ve realized sometimes they aren’t the right fit for a child. Twice they’ve asked for a child for whom they could not provide appropriate care to be removed. Cindy grieves the loss of each child when they leave her home, whatever the circumstances. She also grieves that while some of the children she’s cared for make miraculous recoveries, others will never fully work through the trauma they’ve endured. “My son came from an absolutely horrible background, but he has done a complete turnaround,” said Cindy. “He’s now a beautiful, Godly man full of charisma and

C indy and David Kincaid can’t stand the thought of any child feeling unloved or unwanted. As a foster family, they have met the harsh realities of children who’ve endured trauma with love and compassion. With almost a decade of fostering experience, the Kincaid family has opened their hearts and home to more than 40 children, providing a safe haven for kids in need of respite and stability. After several years of traditional foster care, the Kincaids became Enhanced Foster Care parents, serving children who have experienced profound trauma, abuse or neglect. With the support of their Oklahoma Human Services team and church family, the Kincaids have gained even more than they’ve given. “This is the most rewarding thing you will ever do,” said Cindy. “You have to be prepared for the ugly, but it is so worth it to get to the beauty of it. These kids are angels that just need someone to care for them.”

What is Enhanced Foster Care (EFC)? Enhanced Foster Care (EFC) addresses the intricate needs of children facing behavioral, medical, developmental and mental health challenges, offering supports beyond what traditional foster care can provide. The children served typically have undergone deep-rooted trauma. EFC stabilizes placements for these children within family-based settings while providing the additional assistance and resources necessary for them to heal and thrive. EFC equips foster families like the Kincaids with the tools and wraparound supports integral to navigating these challenges. “Most of the time, there’s a lot of anger involved,” said Cindy of children in EFC. “They are angry at the world, angry at you and angry at themselves. You have to be prepared to deflect that anger. And EFC gives you the tools and services to help. You have to be prepared to love the kid no matter what.” Beginning the foster care journey The Kincaids were inspired to become foster parents after a series of life-altering events. A blended family, they talked briefly about fostering early in their marriage. But then Cindy’s son tragically passed away when he was just 15. A few years later, the Kincaids were unexpectedly asked to adopt a baby boy, a blessing they readily accepted. Then, Cindy’s great-nephew went into custody. “That was the catalyst,” said Cindy. “We thought our family was complete, but we couldn’t leave him to be raised by strangers.” After that kinship placement and several years of traditional foster care, the Kincaids felt called to provide a higher level of support through EFC. “It seemed like nobody wanted these kids,” said Cindy. “You have to have the mindset that these kids come from ugly backgrounds but that doesn’t define them.”

SPONSORED BY

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How you can help For those who can’t foster themselves, there are plenty of ways to support foster families. Members of the Kincaids’ church provide respite care, meals and clothing for the kids; they also help get kids to appointments and cheer them on at ball games. Most importantly, they have loved the children even when their behaviors have been unlovable. ”The biggest obstacle is humbling yourself enough to ask for help,” said Cindy. “If you’re going to do EFC, you need to have your support system in place first, people who will just notice what you need and step in.” Learn more about becoming a foster family or supporting foster families at okfosters.org. Editor’s note: This article is part of a series in partnership with Oklahoma Human Services about foster care in our state. Find the full series at metrofamilymagazine.com/ foster-care.

charm. But others continue to struggle, and they are struggles I can’t understand. You can’t love the trauma out of them; you just keep supporting them.” The Kincaids have adopted five children with plans to adopt two additional children currently in their care. Their older son, adopted at birth, has lived the decade-long fostering journey with his parents, and Cindy and David check in with him regularly to gauge his mental health and emotional capacity. “It has to be a family effort,” said Cindy. “We’ve always told him when he’s ready or if he is uncomfortable, we will stop. But he always says ‘one more kid’ because he can’t stand to see a child not wanted either. He’s made sacrifices but he’s stronger for it.” Bridging with biological families Building relationships with the biological families of the children in EFC can be more challenging because of the trauma the children have undergone. But when it’s safe to do so, preserving the relationship between child and parent can be especially vital to both parties’ healing.

“You have to have empathy because many of these kids have been so damaged and you want to blame the parent, but that’s not your place,” said Cindy. “There are often outside influences. A simple change of fate could put any of us in those situations. You have to step in, even in the most heinous of cases, with a little bit of compassion.” Cindy and David don’t attend court hearings, an intentional choice they’ve made to distance themselves from the difficult details of the cases. Cindy says that helps them remain focused on the children and allows them to be more straightforward with and supportive of their biological families as they take the court-ordered steps to reunify with their children. The Kincaids remain in lifelong relationships with about half of the kids who’ve been in their care, hosting them over weekends and providing continued support to their parents or caregivers. “If the kids can go home, that is my ultimate goal,” said Cindy. “Sometimes with EFC, family ends up not being the best option, but when you can make it work, I love seeing the kids back with their parents or grandparents.”

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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY-JUNE 2024 17

Inspirational First Americans Meet internationally renowned classical composer and pianist Jerod Impichchaachaaha’ Tate BY ERIN PAGE . PHOTOS PROVIDED.

J erod Impichchaachaaha’ Tate’s compositions have been commissioned by major North American orchestras, his works are performed throughout the world, he’s won an Emmy and he’s lauded in the Chickasaw Hall of Fame. But his proudest accomplishment is being a dad. In fact, following this conversation, Tate was performing with the New York Philharmonic and at Carnegie Hall, where his talented 10-year-old son joined him on stage. (Local audiences will recognize Heloha Tate as “Fritz” from the 2023 OKC Ballet production of The Nutcracker .) Raised steeped in his Chickasaw heritage in Ardmore, Okla., Jerod Tate says he grew up very cosmopolitan, surrounded by theater, ballet and classical music, as well as a family and mentors who supported his ambitions wholeheartedly. Now an American Indian classical composer and pianist who expresses his Native culture in symphonic music, ballet and opera, Tate lives his professional aspirations daily. His Emmy was earned for his work on the OETA documentary The Science of Composing , and his music was featured on the HBO series Westworld . Tate served as guest composer, conductor and pianist for San Francisco Symphony’s Currents Program and was guest composer for Metropolitan Museum of Art’s program Home with ETHEL and Friends. He was named a 2021 Cultural Ambassador for the U.S. Department of State and is a governor-appointed Creativity Ambassador for the State of Oklahoma.

Besides being a dad, Tate’s favorite gig is teaching the youth composers camp at First Americans Museum. For the past three years, Tate has worked with students to compose original pieces that are then played by professionals with the OKC Philharmonic. Tate also consulted with FAM for many years prior to the museum’s opening and, working with OKC Phil and Native musicians and singers, provided the original music for the grand opening celebration, which he calls “a total dream.” Though Tate could live anywhere in the world, he remains in Oklahoma because “Oklahoma is home.” He appreciates the artistic opportunities and beautiful tribal community in our state, and he says it’s a wonderful place to raise his son and share in the joys of parenting. “Parenting is a language that binds all of humanity together,” said Tate. “Our love for our children is universal and beautiful.” We caught up with Tate to learn how his upbringing inspired his career and his love of dad life. Has music always been a part of your life? My dad was a special district and tribal judge, who was very involved in American Indian law and politics, and also a trained classical pianist and baritone. He was ridiculously talented, and I grew up with dad singing and playing a classical repertoire. My mother was a professional choreographer and dancer. When I was 9, I began private piano lessons. Three months in, I announced I was to be a concert pianist.

18 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY-JUNE 2024

(LEFT TO RIGHT) TATE, HIS SON HELOHA TATE AND CHICKASAW NATION GOVERNOR BILL ANOATUBBY AT THE CHICKASAW STICKBALL YOUTH BANQUET.

Meet more inspirational First Americans and learn about the 39 Tribal Nations in Oklahoma by visiting First Americans Museum. The museum is open Wednesday through Monday. The third Sunday of each month is free for kids 12 and under. Learn more about the museum and kids programming at famok.org.

What inspired the melding of your loves of music and Chickasaw heritage into a career? My mom choreographed ballets based on American Indian stories, and she asked me to compose a score — I was 22 at the time. It was such a positive experience, and I was met with great support and enthusiasm from the classical and Native communities. I went back to graduate school and added composition to my degree program. I was encouraged to focus on a career in Native heritage. I announced to my family that I would be a Chickasaw classical composer. It’s funny because I never imagined my Chickasaw identity and my classical identity being woven together until my mom commissioned that work. It clicked in a very beautiful way. My mother was asking me to be all of who I am at the same time. How has the support you’ve received impacted the way you parent? I am very aware of how blessed I am to have that support and I am conscious of providing that support to others, too. My grandmother came out of vocational boarding school in Oklahoma and she took from that a mindset of acquiring knowledge to achieve. She was industrious with finding solutions and learning to help herself — she was the first court stenographer in southern Oklahoma — and she helped her own kids and grandkids have that same mindset. It has had quite an impact on me when I look at my son and see all his capabilities and wish for him to use them, however that manifests. He has his own super powers and they are different from mine. Our children’s chances of success are magnitudes higher when we help them manifest their talents. We have to be adult learners when our kids have talents we don’t understand. My son is very talented in ballet and horn; he plays in the Oklahoma Youth Orchestra, he studies ballet, he’s an incredible singer and a great visual artist. I lean into it and I learn. I have the advantage of knowing the arts, but if his talents were in robotics or football or restaurant management, I would school myself to be a proper support for him. It’s not that we have to become experts — but it’s my responsibility to find mentors to train him in the things he’s good at, to build a mentor support system.

What has the experience of working with kids at FAMcamp meant to you and what do you most hope to convey to your students? My life mission is the development of American Indian classical composition — working with youth to help spread that legacy of composing is what I most want to do. I have enjoyed a great career myself and it’s important to pass on the opportunity to kids. As a mentor, I’m a living encyclopedia, providing answers to their technical and notational questions. And I’m their life coach to make sure they are giving the best artistry they can give. We have five to seven kids in each weeklong academy, and they compose short works for a string quartet. We bring in OKC Phil professionals and kids get to have their pieces played. Then they have the recordings for their portfolio to use for auditions to advance their dreams. It’s many of these kids’ first time to compose. At the beginning of the week, they have blank music pages, and at the end, they have entirely finished works performed by professionals for a live audience. That’s it. That right there is what makes everything worth it. It’s really neat to see them demonstrate to themselves what they are capable of. What’s your most important message to Oklahoma youth? Pursue your dreams with discipline and abandon. There are two aspects to life: one is irrational passion. We are attracted to certain things and there is no rationale for it. That is to be embraced and met with [the second aspect:] high discipline.

Editor’s note: This article is the second in a series of articles produced in conjunction with First Americans Museum to share the stories of inspirational modern-day and historic First Americans. Find the full series at metrofamilymagazine.com/ inspirational-first-americans .