“They haven’t often in life gotten to just be kids and have fun, so it’s important for our youth to have outlets for things that are enjoyable,” said Holland. Holland hopes to connect the youth with opportunities to serve in the community, like participating in a clean-up event through OKC Riversport and OKC Beautiful or volunteering at a local animal shelter, both experiences she has enjoyed with her own teen. “It’s important for them to feel like they are part of the bigger picture, like they are making a difference in the community,” said Holland. It takes a village Holland’s most important life role is that of mom. The self-proclaimed perfectionist gains both freedom and encouragement through the support system helping raise her kids, including her ex-wife, both of their girlfriends and the kids’ grandparents. Holland and ex-wife Krysta Henry live in the same household and co-parent together. “It’s pretty unconventional, but it works for us,” said Holland. “In separating, we didn’t want to separate our kids’ lives. They get the love of so many people in their lives.” The ex-wives, girlfriends and kids recently vacationed together in Beaver’s Bend, they host weekly pizza nights together and they split up the chores. “As moms, we feel like we have to do everything, and it’s really wonderful to have several adults who can each hold up pieces of the puzzle,” said Holland. “The intention was a support system for our kids, but it’s absolutely been a support system for me.” That support system has become even more critical during the pandemic. Though Holland and her Sisu colleagues initially attempted to work from home some, the nature of their jobs running a shelter makes working remotely difficult. Holland says her younger children are handling the challenges of the pandemic more easily than her older, age 13, who is missing connection with their friends and opportunities to enjoy activities outside of the home. Holland’s 13-year-old came out to her several years ago and has been exploring pronouns to determine what feels like a fit. Holland believes creating an atmosphere of openness in the home, starting when kids are little, helps kids feel more confident in sharing their feelings as they get older, whether that’s their gender identity or a difficult situation they’ve encountered. “We created openness from an early age, being open to our kids to be who they are and supporting and nurturing them in any capacity,” said Holland. This type of open, affirming living environment contrasts sharply with what many of the youth she works with at Sisu have experienced. “It’s important to be able to acknowledge and accept whatever your child is telling you as their own truth,” said Holland. “If parents can give their children the space to explore their own identities before they are 18, that just takes one layer off the struggle young adults face as they learn to maneuver in the world.” Holland is learning herself how and when to advocate for her child, and teaching them to advocate for themselves. In a recent email to a new art teacher in their Paseo neighborhood, Holland held her breath as she used they/them pronouns, unsure whether to out her child but also knowing the teen likely wouldn't out themselves and wanting to create a comfortable space for them to be themselves. Holland was
HOLLAND AND HER EX-WIFE HAVE CREATED AN OPEN AND AFFIRMING HOUSEHOLD FOR THEIR KIDS TO BE THEMSELVES. checks, especially those who may not have filled out taxes, had moved or simply didn’t know how to apply. “We saw this need of youth in housing who had lost jobs at a complete standstill and not knowing what to do,” said Holland. “That’s one of the things I love, that we’ll always step up to the need.” Even when youth who have experienced trauma or homelessness have achieved housing, it can be challenging for them to maintain it, and Holland seeks to be an ongoing resource to fill those needs. “These youth haven’t had the parent or family to support them, tell them you can’t put a can in the microwave, explain how to set up electricity in their name or how to advocate for themselves,” said Holland. “Adulting is hard! We’re not only assisting youth get into housing but keeping them stably housed.” Providing opportunities for fun and self-care are vital to Holland, too. Kind Cuts visits occasionally to provide hair cuts for the youth, Poetry and Chill offers weekly workshops and the youth recently enjoyed a paint-and-sip event with sparkling juice. Holland looks forward to providing more programs for housed youth, in addition to youth staying at the shelter, over the next year.
34 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / NOVEMBER 2020
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