MetroFamily Magazine May 2020

MetroFamily Magazine. OKC Family Fun & Resources. Local events calendar.

MAY 2020

Moms WHO INSPIRE Meet our Awesome Mom honorees Stepping into Summer Opt outdoors for family fun

Activities Guide city of edmond parks & recreation 2020 summer

SUMMER CAMPS OUTDOOR ADVENTURE SUMMER CONCERTS MOVIE NIGHTS Edmond Parks DISCOVER SUMMER

359-4630 CALL OUR OFFICE STARTING MAY 15 TH FOR CAMP AND PROGRAM OPENINGS

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EXPERIENCE THE OKLAHOMA HALL OF FAME AND GAYLORD-PICKENS MUSEUM IN AN EXPANDED DIGITAL WAY! Oklahoma Hall of Fame Member Themed Activities including books, movies, music, recipes and more!

Story Time with Oklahoma Hall of Fame Members!

Virtual Tours of Museum Exhibits!

Visit Oklahomahof.com/ohof-home for all of the fun digital activities! Follow us on Social Media to stay up-to-date on Free Family Fun event information!

1400 Classen Drive | Oklahoma City, OK 73106 | 405.235.4458 | oklahomahof.com @OklahomaHoF LEARN MORE

SIMI JOHN TALKS TAMING MOM GUILT

Departments 10 Real Moms of the Metro

On the cover Moms Who Inspire page 10

Meet our incredible Awesome Mom honorees

Stepping into Summer page 22 Made with Love page 7

20 Family Mental Wellness Normalizing postpartum depression 22 Local Family Fun

Step into summer with outdoor adventures

Features 8 To Mom with Love

24 Mom Talk

Taming the mom guilt monster

Local gift ideas to make moms smile

28 Super Kids of the Metro

Creative teen serves with heART

16 Facts about Foster Care

New OKDHS director catalyzes change

30 Exploring Beyond Oklahoma Vacation virtually for at-home fun 31 Last Look Salute to multitasking moms

26 Making Mother’s Day Memorable 8 ideas to help mom feel appreciated

4 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

I sat in a church pew with a smile plastered on my face, gritting my teeth against the tingling at the back of my throat, quelling the tears threatening to spill. I was doing my best to celebrate Mother’s Day and all the incredible moms in my life though my heart wasn’t really in it. I wanted to be a mom, too. And I wasn’t. Yet. That was the day I realized Mother’s Day can be hard. I became a mom more than a year af- ter that day, not a long wait compared to what many others endure in their journey to mother- hood. Every Mother’s Day since, even as I’ve reveled in the awe of being called mama by my three wild wonders, I’ve had a heightened awareness of the grief this day can harbor. Does the holiday feel bittersweet for you, too? Maybe even more so this year thanks to the strangeness of our current reality. For me, there is pain in the loss of women who mothered me and greatly influenced the mom I would become. Every year I feel heartbroken for moms missing babies or women who desperately want to become moms. But there is unbridled joy, too, in simply being mom to three beautiful children who love me unconditionally, forgive my many imperfections and mistakes and remind me there is always, always happiness to be found if I will only seek it. There’s great depth of gratitude in finally understanding my own mom’s sacrificial love for me. (Thanks, mom!) There’s inspiration and encouragement from the other moms around me, too, women like our three Awesome Moms on page 10, supporting others, serving our city and raising the next generation of community advocates. This Month’s Cover Ava, 8, has an eye for design, fashion and composition and was thrilled to help direct her own Cover Kids photoshoot at the Myriad Gardens in February. Ava is in the second grade at Soldier Creek Elementary School in Midwest City. She is a dancer, with ballet and contemporary her favorite styles, and she also loves to craft and make slime. Ava is the daughter of Phillip and Beverly, and, under typical circumstances, the family enjoys frequenting Unpluggits Paint & Play, Jump!Zone and the OKC Zoo.

2020

Publisher Sarah Taylor Managing Editor Erin Page Assistant Editor Lindsay Cuomo Contributing Writers Simi John Thai-An Truong Contributing Photographer Bridget Pipkin Art Director Stacy Noakes Senior Project Manager Kirsten Holder Director of Events Marissa Raglin Sales Dana Price Laura Beam Office Manager Kathy Alberty

MOTHER’S DAY 2018 WITH THE THREE WHO MADE ME A MOM.

Whatever feelings Mother’s Day kindles for you, I hope you’ll take the space and time to acknowledge them, whether that means you’ll be celebrating, grieving or like me, some of both. With gratitude,

Erin Page Managing Editor

sarah@metrofamilymagazine.com www.metrofamilymagazine.com

MetroFamily Magazine is published monthly. Copyright 2019 by Inprint Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Articles and advertisements in MetroFamily do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the magazine or Inprint Publishing, Inc. We do not assume responsibility for statements made by advertisers or editorial contributors. The acceptance of advertising by MetroFamily does not constitute an endorsement of the products, services, or information. We do not knowingly present any product or service which is fraudulent or misleading in nature.

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Also a member of Oklahoma City Chamber of Commerce, Edmond Chamber of Commerce & Moore Chamber of Commerce

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020 5

NEED TO KNOW

Off the Pages

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Break Up Boredom Is quarantine life catching up with your family? Change up your routine or add in new family fun activities with virtual tours, kid-friendly recipes, outdoor adventures, plus lots more at metrofami- lymagazine.com/at-home-boredom-busters.

Vote for your Faves! Show some love for your favorite OKC businesses, attractions and organizations by voting in our annual Family Favorites Awards. When you vote, you’ll be eligible to WIN a weekend getaway to the Gaylord Texan Resort when it’s safe to travel again. Vote daily through May 13 at metrofamilymagazine.com/ vote-family-favorites.

Summer Sizzles with STEAM June usually brings with it Geekapalooza, our super STEAM event, hosted by MetroFamily and Girl Scouts Western Oklahoma, with a variety of local vendors offering hands- on experiments and opportunities to create. But this year’s event has been postponed until the fall. For now, enjoy our array of simple science experiments using household items, everything from concocting ice cream in a bag to racing a soap propelled boat, at metrofamilymagazine.com/ category/simple-science. Tag us in your social posts about your results by using #okcfamilyfun!

6 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020

LOCAL FAMILY FUN

Make mom a Masterpiece

Tulip Fork Painting Best for ages 5+

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Instructions: 1. Place a quarter-size amount of paint out of each tube onto your paper plate. 2. Dip your fork into the paint so that it covers the entire bottom of the fork’s prongs. 3. Press the fork onto the construction paper so it leaves a full imprint of the prongs of the fork. 4. Dip your fork again into the paint, focusing on the base of the fork. 5. Press the fork onto the construction paper so it leaves an imprint of the base of the fork. This will look like a tulip shape. 6. Use the remaining forks to dip into other colors and create more tulip shapes. 7. Set the paper aside to dry. Once it is dry, pick up the crayons and add the stems of the flowers. You can draw the flowers in a field or draw them in a vase. Your work of art is now complete!

Show mom how much you care by crafting a floral arrangement she can keep forever!

Supplies: • 3 metal forks (you can use

Check out two more methods to create handmade bouquets for mom at metrofamilymagazine. com/3-diy-spring-crafts. disposable forks if you’d like) • 3 colors of tempera paint (washable) • 1 paper plate (to use as your paint palette) • 1 sheet of thick construction paper or card stock • crayons

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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020 7

We’re all about showing the love to locally-owned businesses and locally- made products. And metro moms, of course! We’ve paired the two together to gift you this handy guide for Mother’s Day. Whether you need ideas for your mom, spouse, a friend (or yourself — we won’t tell!), this is a great place to start.

BY KIRSTEN HOLDER . PHOTOS PROVIDED.

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Gift basket from Play Cafe. Support local businesses and give mom exactly what she wants? Sign us up! Options cater to every type of mom, from the book or plant lover to the spa or wine aficionado. They get us friends, they really get us! Order by May 6 for pick up. playcafeokc.com

Melt-in-your-mouth macarons from Cafe Disco Satisfy a sweet tooth with tasty macarons from a hot spot in Film Row! The sweet, cookie-like treats are expertly crafted into Insta-worthy desserts reminiscent of Ladurée in Paris. Order for curbside pick up. cafe-disco.com

You’ve Got This tee from The Black Scintilla Every mama needs to sport this affirming message, especially during the insanity that has been 2020! Gift her style and a sweet reminder of her capability at the same time. blackscintilla.com/ product/youve-got-this-tee

8 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020

Mama ball cap by Katy Michele Designs A must-have for any mommy uniform, this Mama cap in a chambray denim is both trendy and practical. Now all she’s missing is her favorite black leggings and a drink from her fave local coffee shop, am I right? katymicheledesigns.com

E-design to the rescue from Hannah Sutter Interiors What mom doesn’t have “that one room” that definitely does NOT bring joy? Spruce it up or finish it off with an accessible and affordable e-design package from Hannah Sutter Interiors. Gift one to your mom and watch her room come together with all the ease of putting together a Pinterest board. hannahsutterinteriors.com/edesign

PHOTO BY BRANDON SMITH OF THE DWELLING TABLE

It’s not just what they know. It’s who they become.

Primrose School of Edmond 405.285.6787 PrimroseEdmond.com Primrose School of Southwest Oklahoma City 405.793.6000 PrimroseSWOklahomaCity.com

Call for a tour.

Each Primrose school is a privately owned and operated franchise. Primrose Schools is a registered trademark of Primrose School Franchising SPE, LLC. ©2020 Primrose School Franchising SPE, LLC. All rights reserved.

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020 9

BY ERIN PAGE. PHOTOS PROVIDED AND BY FOTO ARTS PHOTOGRAPHY . REAL MOMS OF THE METRO Awesome Moms More than 70 metro moms were

nominated for our annual Awesome Moms contest this year, and we were inspired by the stories of each and every one of them. Congratulations to this year’s winner, Wanda Felty, and our two finalists, Essie Green and Cheryl Gruntmeir. Read about all of our 2020 nominees at metrofamilymagazine.com/2020- awesome-moms.

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THANK YOU TO OUR AWESOME MOMS PRIZE SPONSORS:

10 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020

WINNER Wanda Felty

Hospital and now a community leadership and advocacy coordinator for the Center for Learning and Leadership at the health complex. The federally-funded program oversees evidence-based training of future professionals working with people with developmental disabilities. “I take my knowledge of policy and legislation and lived experience to train students on what it’s really like to have a child with a disability,” explains Felty. She also helps state agencies work together with parents of children with disabilities to hone and modify programs, policies or legislation meant to help people with disabilities.

Wanda Felty keenly remembers sitting at her kitchen table in Spiro, Okla., calling every government agency she could think of in an attempt to get some help for her middle daughter Kayla, who was born with developmental disabilities. “I was crying because I was on the brink,” remembers Felty. “I had a teen daughter and a baby and Kayla, who was not sleeping. I needed help.” Felty still doesn’t know who expedited Kayla to the top of the Oklahoma Department of Human Services Developmental Disabilities Services list, but it was about a week later that she received the call that Kayla would receive two hours of personal care per day. That changed Felty’s world, and she’s spent much of her life since, personally and professionally, doing the same for others. “The most inspiring thing about Wanda is how she uses this lived experience with her daughter to offer personal support and encouragement to other families who have children with developmental disabilities,” said Felty’s husband, Rick, who nominated her. After a divorce, Felty raised her three daughters on her own for awhile, until she met and eventually married Rick when Kayla was in ninth grade. Not long after, it was Rick who encouraged Felty’s current career at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center, initially as a family advocate through The Children’s

WANDA AND DAUGHTER KAYLA

Felty helps parents and professionals understand the importance of creating interdisciplinary teams, with each of their input, along with the self-advocate they are serving, valued by all members of the team. That’s a process that hasn’t always come easily for Felty. On many occasions, she’s felt very alone in her journey, exhausted by what has felt like a constant fight for Kayla to enjoy the life she deserves. “What I’ve learned through training is that we all need each other to make the best decisions for my daughter,” said Felty. “I had to learn to value the professionals’ knowledge and they learned to value mine. I used to feel like everyone was against us; come to find out they are all really for us.” Born without the middle portion of her brain forming correctly, Kayla is blind and non-

“Advocacy is not always about holding up signs. It’s really about holding each other up, figuring out what worked for me and how that can help you.” Wanda Felty

“There may be a practice or program that was created with good intentions,” said Felty, “but we can share parents’ stories about how they can work better for families like theirs.”

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020 11

Finalist Cheryl Gruntmeir

verbal. Felty calls Kayla her first and most important teacher as she’s learned both how to advocate for Kayla and to communicate with, understand and always respect her daughter, whose behavior at times, she confesses, has been hard to manage. Felty often reminds Kayla that she’ll have to teach her how to understand her, and throughout the years Kayla has come up with clever ways to do just that, like humming “Happy Birthday” to indicate she wants dessert. From her dry sense of humor to her love of music, Felty calls Kayla her four leaf clover, valued as precious and unique. “She doesn’t operate from any worldly prejudice,” said Felty. “Everyone is equal to her. She will offer respect if you respect her.” Among Felty’s many roles, one of her most cherished is coordinating a quarterly meeting for all the families who, like she once did, have a loved one on the waiting list for OKDHS Developmental Disabilities Services. Felty says there are currently more

from a wheelchair into the bathroom because the chair wouldn’t fit through the door. After one of Felty’s meetings, the mom’s connections led to getting her bathroom door widened enough to fit the chair, a tangible example of their community coming together to solve a parent’s struggle.

“Because of Kayla I am a whole different person. My life changed and I hope my life makes other people’s lives better, too.” Wanda Felty

BY FOTO ARTS PHOTOGRAPHY

“Advocacy is not always about holding up signs,” said Felty. “It’s really about holding each other up, figuring out what worked for me and how that can help you.” Felty says the individuals currently being processed on the Developmental Disabilities Services waiting list applied in 2007. Though that long wait time is discouraging, Felty is seeing progress made in the funding appropriated, from $7 million over the past 10 years to $2 million over each of the last two years and the potential for $6 million in the governor’s requested budget for the upcoming year. “This tells me advocacy is making a difference,” said Felty. “We are no longer unknown and the decision makers are taking action. One voice is just a whisper, but many become a roar.” Though Felty is quick to deflect attention from herself, her husband asserts that she is making a tremendous difference as an advocate and spokesperson for those 5,000 families on the waiting list for state services. Felty wishes she could take away Kayla’s disabilities so she could lead a typical life, but she’s grateful, too, for everything she’s learned as Kayla’s mom. “Because of Kayla I am a whole different person,” said Felty. “My life changed and I hope my life makes other people’s lives better, too.”

Cheryl Gruntmeir has always known she wanted to foster children. She is adopted herself, and before she and husband Jon married, she explained that a life with her would include fostering. Jon was all in, but the couple had no idea when and what fostering would look like for them. Years later, the parents of five found out. One of their oldest daughter’s friends had been spending a lot of time at their home when, unbeknownst to the Gruntmeirs, the teen ran away from her home to ask law enforcement to remove her from her traumatic living situation. The Gruntmeirs, who were completely unaware of her difficult home life, immediately took her in. When asked where she’d like to live long-term, the teen requested her biological mom, whom no one had heard from in a long time. Undeterred, Gruntmeir and a friend began scouring Facebook, eventually finding and messaging the mom, Brandy Williams, who called Gruntmeir on Thanksgiving Day. “The first thing I said was I don’t care what you’ve done or what you’ve been through, there’s no judgment here, I just wanted to know how I could help her come and fight for her daughter,” recalls Gruntmeir.

WANDA AND DAUGHTER KAYLA

than 5,000 people in the state of Oklahoma waiting for services, which are allocated on a first-come, first-served basis. “When Kayla was on the waiting list I thought nobody cared,” said Felty. “I don’t want anyone else to feel like they are alone.” Felty brings in leaders from OKDHS and other agencies that support people with disabilities to listen to the families and offer interim solutions while they wait for state services. Attendees also benefit from parent- to-parent emotional support and resource sharing. Felty remembers a single, working mom was struggling to transfer her daughter

12 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020

Williams was homeless, on drugs and without much hope. But that phone call changed everything. Williams stayed in communication with Gruntmeir, attended court dates, got sober and followed all of OKDHS’s requirements to be reunited with her daughter more than two years later. “She led me to a life without drugs and helped me be the mom I was meant to be,” said Williams, who nominated Gruntmeir. “She is my angel on earth, a true light in so many people’s lives.”

“We wanted to start helping women who are displaced, in shelters or sober houses to bring them hope and share our story.” Cheryl Gruntmeir

GRUNTMEIR WITH FOUR OF HER CHILDREN. BY FOTO ARTS PHOTOGRAPHY

The two women remain close friends years later. Both are incredibly proud of their daughter and foster daughter, today a wife, homeowner and mom herself. But their story doesn’t stop there. The duo felt called to reach other women on the brink. “We wanted to start helping women who are displaced, in shelters or sober houses to bring them hope and share our story,” said Gruntmeir. The Making Jesus Famous Association was born, collecting purses and toiletries to deliver to women across the metro, along with a Bible and an encouraging handwritten note. So far, more than 1,400 people have been served by the nonprofit organization. Women donate gently used purses, plus everything from shoes and nail polish to jewelry and personal hygiene items. When appropriate, Gruntmeir and Williams meet and speak with the women to whom they’re delivering purses. Williams’ and Gruntmeir’s children often help with deliveries to the YWCA, City Rescue Mission and other shelters throughout Oklahoma City. Because her own dad included her in his ministry for the homeless, it’s been important for Gruntmeir to do the same with her children, who range in age from 10 to 23.

CHERYL, RIGHT, WITH BRANDY WILLIAMS DELIVERS PURSES AND TOILETRIES TO WOMEN IN METRO SHELTERS.

builder, Gruntmeir is involved in the day- to-day of the nonprofit but says it’s Williams who runs their Facebook group with more than 700 members, dedicated not only to the ministry of Making Jesus Famous but also providing consistent affirmation and promoting the work of other local nonprofits. As Gruntmeir processed her recognition as an Awesome Mom, she says Williams is the one who deserves the honor. “I look at her and think how far she has come from when I met her to where she is now,” said Gruntmeir. “To see Brandy go from this life of hopelessness without shelter and without a relationship with her child to now giving back and helping other women, it is just the coolest thing.”

“Cheryl led me to a life without drugs and helped me be the mom I was meant to be. She is my angel on earth, a true light in so many people’s lives.” Brandy Williams

“Being able to provide them opportunities to give to others is huge,” said Gruntmeir. A realtor and sales manager for an Edmond

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020 13

Finalist Essie Green

ESSIE GREEN WITH HUSBAND WALTER, DAUGHTERS LAQUILLA AND SHANIKA AND THREE OF HER SEVEN GRANDCHILDREN.

come naturally to her all her life, in raising three daughters and then raising three grandchildren when her eldest daughter, Freedom, was tragically killed in a house fire. Her grandchildren were 4, 5 and 10 years old when they came to live with her and her husband Walter, and their other daughters were 15 and 19 at the time. Faced with the unexpected challenge of raising children a second time while all grieving the loss of their mother, Green worried she wouldn’t be enough for Tony, Tashiyla and Essence.

“I wondered if I’d have enough energy and patience,” Green recalls. A revelation to her then and still today: she had more. The beginning was the hardest, especially as friends who’d already raised kids and were in different stages of life drifted away. Perhaps because she had already navigated the road before or she was older and wiser, Green felt blessed by getting to do everything twice — from attending basketball games and back-to-school nights to chauffeuring the kids to their various activities. “I took a lot of pride in them, and in the back of my mind I was thinking ‘their mom would be so glad they are getting to do all these things,’” said Green. Green is also quick to credit daughters Shanika and Laquilla with playing games and taking their nieces and nephew on outings so Green could focus on making meals, helping with homework and the rest of the day-to-day operations. “Laquilla was in basic training in the military and she came home and fell right

Essie Green is the epitome of a caregiver. The mom of three and grandma of seven has worked for the last eight years as a full-time personal caregiver, providing her often isolated, elderly clients a sense of normalcy and comfort. Daughter Shanika, who nominated Green, says her mom gets her joy from helping others. “I enjoy making a difference in people’s lives,” said Green. In her career, Green gains just as much as she gives, currently learning to make a quilt from her 94-year-old client. Green’s intentionality in serving others is apparent as she ensures that same client, who once loved to garden, gets to stroll outside to enjoy the blooming flowers. Though Green spent most of her professional career in finance, the caretaking role has

“I took a lot of pride in them, and in the back of my mind I was thinking ‘their mom would be so glad they are getting to do all these things.’” Essie Green

14 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020

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in, doing things that needed to get done,” said Green. “Shanika played a big part, too, entertaining them, which was important. We worked together.” Green is grateful that for the many grandparents raising grandchildren today there’s more help available and those grandparents aren’t as alone as they may sometimes feel. One good, strong support system, in her case her two daughters and husband, can make all the difference. Shanika says Green became their family’s rock during a devastating time, holding the family together, raising her sister’s children to be productive, compassionate citizens. All six of the children Green raised graduated with honors, with two of her grandchildren now in the military and one a corrections officer.

Simpler Is Better. Choose recipes that call for simple ingredients — ones that can be used in a variety of meals, like onions, peppers and brown rice.

Use Your Freezer. Double up. Make extra food and store it in the freezer. Then, just reheat for a fast meal throughout the week!

Pick Chicken. Buy a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken and add it to sandwiches, tacos, salads and more.

“My mom gets her joy from making others happy.” Shanika Green

Prep on Weekends. Or any time. Spend some time at the store, and then the kitchen. Get your kids involved too!

Though the family went through a period of time where talking about the daughter, sister and mother they lost was too painful, now they find great joy in being reminded of Freedom through her oldest daughter. “Her facial expressions, her hand gestures, everything,” remarks Green of the similarities. “When we get together we’re always saying, ‘Your mom would have said or done that.’” Green laughingly recalls Freedom “never did things my way, always her own way.” She also remembers that even when money was tight, Freedom focused on creating positive memories for her children with picnics on the living room floor or a special trip to the movies. “She was always happy,” said Green. A lesson clearly learned from her mom.

Another helpful tip? Try our Daily Meal Planner!

Find it — and tons of easy, healthy recipes — at

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HEALTHY MEXICAN CASSEROLE | CAULIFLOWER CHICKEN FRIED RICE CHICKEN SALAD SALAD

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020 15

Catalyst for Change New OKDHS director shares candid truths of his first year BY ERIN PAGE . PHOTOS PROVIDED.

At age 40, Brown was appointed director of OKDHS in June 2019 by Gov. Kevin Stitt. Formerly the CEO of Choice Capital Partners, Brown built a passion for serving seniors with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia through his role in managing the business behind assisted living centers across three states. Though no stranger to the responsibilities and dedication required in caring for a vulnerable population, Brown acknowledges a learning curve as he’s acclimated to a career in state government. On the flip side, the businessman’s fresh perspective, visionary thinking and heart for service have been catalysts for continued improvements in the agency. As such, Gov. Stitt also appointed Brown cabinet secretary of human services and early childhood development in March. As May marks National Foster Care Month, Brown reflects on his first year as OKDHS director and his vision for the future.

One year ago, Justin Brown’s perception of the Oklahoma Department of Human Services was created exclusively by stories from the local news. Now he runs the state’s largest agency and is quick to concede his first impressions couldn’t have been further from the truth.

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16 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020

LEFT: JUSTIN BROWN, DIRECTOR OF THE OKLAHOMA DEPARTMENT OF HUMAN SERVICES, VISITS WITH EMPLOYEES AT DALE ROGERS TRAINING CENTER, WHICH PROVIDES VOCATIONAL TRAINING AND JOBS FOR PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES. BROWN TAKES A SPIN WITH METRO KIDS AT THE YMCA IN OKLAHOMA CITY.

What has been most eye-opening during your first year as director? Coming from the private sector, my initial view as an outsider of what a government state employee is could not have been more wrong. Within the first day, it was clear that we have an unbelievable workforce. These people are so passionate about what they do and they are highly qualified, from the state office level to the employees at the county level across the state. They’re all in. As the agency has been built up over the years, barriers have gotten in the way. We have created well-intentioned programs but not always thought about how they work together. Combined with underinvestment in technology, I could see within the first few weeks that our system is not set up to facilitate really great working relationships and support for one another. The fact that we have such great people who are so dedicated is a testament to how passionate they are, even with a broken system. What is your impression of DHS employees now, specifically those who work within Child Protective Services? I went on a Child Protective Services ride-along a few months ago to a home with a claim of neglect. The CPS employee walked right up to the door and knocked, having no clue what was on the other side of the door. She does this every day; she’s so courageous. I was a glorified babysitter for three hours, playing with the kids and dogs, while she did the interviews, and it was eye- opening to me what heroes these people are. The same goes for a call I went on with a permanency planning worker. They are always walking in with an advocate heart for those they are trying to help.

What are the biggest successes you’ve noted in the last year? We have so much to do that as I move forward I haven’t been great at looking back often enough to celebrate successes. The biggest success has been all about teamwork; we are creating a culture of relationships and collaboration. This intentional culture of working more closely together within our own agency is starting to take hold with inter-disciplinary teams. If we have a child welfare issue, the real concern might be poverty, so we create these teams to all work together. We want to work well with our partners in the community, whether that’s foster care agencies, the legislature, tribes or nonprofits all over the state. This culture is being perpetuated, and we have to have help to do this the right way, to create real, genuine working relationships. How has being a dad impacted you in this role? Having kids and being a dad is my joy. One of my favorite things is making breakfast for my kids every morning. Hannah is 12 and Ford is 10, and being their dad puts a mission behind this role that’s even deeper than my desire to support my state and serve others. To help build a state that provides the same opportunities my kids have for all kids, that personalizes the mission for me because I think about them in the same situations that we see.

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020 17

BROWN WITH WIFE KELLY, DAUGHTER HANNAH AND SON FORD

How has being director of DHS impacted you as a dad? My family and I had a lot of conversations leading up to my accepting this role, knowing it would be an emotional position for me. I’ve been able to share with my kids what’s happening in the world around them more directly. We are involved in various nonprofits and take our kids to volunteer at the food bank once a month to pack back packs for kids, but it’s wholly different when you are in a job where you carry a personal weight. There’s a burden and I go home and include my family in that conversation. Many of us have sheltered lives, and I hope removing some of that shelter is positive for my own kids. What does the general community not know about OKDHS? It’s like an iceberg. What you see is so small compared to the whole truth. We are doing everything we can as an agency to start to change our narrative. Candidly, nine months ago my impression of the agency was purely driven based on what I saw on the evening news. Just like my impression of state employees was wrong, my impression of the [agency] was wrong. There are a thousand incredible stories happening inside our agency every day. Lives are being changed for the better. These stories aren’t often told and definitely don’t get social media likes, but our people are simply doing the right things. They deserve more recognition. We have not been great at telling those stories and that is not acceptable; we’re going to do better.

What’s your vision for the future of OKDHS? We are literally changing the world out of OKDHS. We’re going to be a catalyst for world change, not just state change, doing things that have never been done. We investigated just over 81,000 cases of abuse and neglect last year, with 90 percent related to neglect and 70 percent related to poverty. If we can think about poverty in a different way, work with the programs we operate within our agency, then we can address poverty in a massive and material way. Those world-changing initiatives are going to be helping families lift themselves out of poverty so we have eight cases to investigate instead of 81,000. As we recognize National Foster Care Month, what can metro families to do help? We need partnerships, not just with organizations but with individuals on the ground level. If you aren’t ready to be a foster family, help out a foster family. Sign up to provide respite care so they can have a night out or bring them a meal. The reason we have so much need [for foster families] is because it’s hard, it’s complicated and it requires a different way of thinking. The agency is working to become more supportive of our foster families, who need tools and resources, transitioning to an agency that is really serving those who are serving our kids.

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18 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020

THE STATE OF OUR KIDS

decrease in children in foster care 18%

80% decrease in children without a family placement

In 2015, MetroFamily embarked on a 12-month series to report on the state of foster care in Oklahoma, dispel myths and answer questions about how the community could help. We received such a tremendous response that we followed that series with another year-long look at the forever impact local foster families were making on children and their biological parents. Here's a glance at how the Oklahoma foster care numbers have changed from 2015 to 2020.

“Every child deserves a safe, loving home every day.”

new foster famiIies signed up in 2019 810

In 2019, 2,216 children left state care through reunification.

In 2019, DHS staff finalized adoptions for 2,064 children, giving them a permanent home.

The number of kids in care has been dramatically reduced since 2015, which also reduces the number of homes needed to care for them. However, the current population of kids in care has much higher needs compared to those in 2015, making the recruitment of families able to provide higher-level care on a long-term basis that much more challenging.

decrease in approved foster homes 21%

Consider becoming a foster family today!

For more information on becoming a foster or adoptive parent:

LEARN MORE

CALL US NOW

1-800-376-9729

WWW.OKFOSTERS.ORG

Find out how to support foster parents by signing up to "be a neighbor!" Visit beaneighbor.org to learn more.

FAMILY MENTAL WELLNESS

Common Symptoms of POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION + resources to help you feel like yourself again

BY THAI-AN TRUONG, LPC, LADC

I was completely blind-sided by postpartum depression. I was excited to be a mom. I always loved kids and looked forward to the novel and fulfilling experience of raising my own baby girl. I even had a friend prophetically tell me to watch out for postpartum depression, but I laughed her off. I thought postpartum depression happened to other moms, definitely not me. But there I was, several days after bringing my daughter home, finding myself unrecognizable. I felt like I had completely lost myself. I felt an additional layer of shame because I am a therapist. Shouldn’t I be immune to being stuck in such a dark, hollow space in my mental health? Apparently not. Being aware of the most common symptoms of postpartum depression can help you recognize them in yourself, or others, and realize you aren’t alone. These are symptoms I’ve experienced and also seen in almost all the moms I’ve had the privilege to work with over the past three years. The sooner you or your loved ones can recognize the symptoms, the faster you can get the right help to get better. Anxiety. We hear so much about depression in postpartum women. We expect moms struggling with postpartum depression to be sad and disengaged. However, anxiety is actually the most common symptom in postpartum women. You may find yourself feeling restless, tense and on edge, frightened about your new motherhood role and frequently worried about your baby’s well-being. You may also struggle with sleeping when your baby sleeps because you are consumed with worry about your baby. Anxiety in postpartum women can often come with intrusive thoughts, which are scary thoughts or images of bad things happening to your baby. While these images can be terrifying, they are completely treatable. Sadness and loss of pleasure. Many moms find themselves feeling sad, down and tearful after having their baby. Women I work with say “I don’t feel like myself” or “I don’t know who I am anymore.” They may not have realized how lonely motherhood can feel, and life can become bleak and gray in the midst of their exhaustion. Moms can also be surprised by the grief they feel: grief over their old life, when things were easier, when 2

It was the middle of March. Flowers were blooming, my favorite season was around the corner and I just had my first baby girl. I expected it to be the happiest time of my life. Instead, I found myself pacing the bedroom, wringing my hands, wanting to crawl out of my own skin and praying to not wake up. Editor’s note: This column is the first in a 12-month series on family mental wellness, written by local experts on topics pertinent to parents and children. Columnists include Truong, Dr. Erica Faulconer, pediatrician with Northwest Pediatrics and mom of three; Stacey Johnson, LPC, (@staceyjohnsonlife) in private practice at The Purple Couch, owner of Studio 7 and mom of eight; and Dr. Lisa Marotta, a psychologist, writer, speaker and mom in private practice in Edmond.

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20 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020

they had sleep, when they could get up and go when they wanted to, when they could just go to the bathroom when they needed to. Those simple actions become a luxury after having your baby. Then moms often end up feeling guilty for not being joyful at all times, as society tells us we should feel after having our baby. Discouragement and hopelessness. Moms can get to the point of feeling discouraged about their ability to “make it” and hopeless about the future. Every little thing feels overwhelming and moms may fear they’ll never feel like themselves again. The danger of this symptom is that it can lead to suicidal thoughts. Moms often don’t have an active plan to end their life, but when you’re suffering, it could seem like a relief to not wake up or exist another day. Moms may feel like a burden to their loved ones, believing their family would be better off without them. Please seek immediate professional help if you’re finding yourself having passive or active suicidal thoughts, and remember, they are also completely treatable. Irritability and anger. When you’re already overwhelmed it doesn’t take much to make you irritable and angry. This seems to be the forbidden emotion for women. “Good moms” and women “shouldn’t” feel angry or resentful toward their baby, partner or other loved ones. Moms may feel angry at themselves for not always being calm, kind and gentle with loved ones. The truth is, I haven’t worked with a mom yet who didn’t find herself 4

having moments of irritability! Anger is often trying to clue us in to a desperate need for relief and support during this challenging transition. Loss of self-esteem or feeling worthless. It is painfully devastating when you care so much about being the best mom you can be but end up feeling like the worst. They may feel inferior to other moms and like their baby would be better off with someone else. It’s hard for them to recognize their own hard work, and labels like “bad mom” or “failure” overtake their identity. If you have two or more of these symptoms and it’s been more than two weeks since you’ve had your baby, you may be experiencing postpartum depression and/ or anxiety and could benefit from getting help. It can be hard to believe in the middle of your struggle, but you will get better by taking active steps forward, either self-help work or seeking professional help. Find resources at metrofamilymagazine.com/ mental-wellness. Thai-An Truong, LPC, LADC is a postpartum therapist and mother of two who is passionate about helping pregnant and postpartum women overcome depression and anxiety. She has overcome her own battle with postpartum depression and anxiety and loves helping moms work to feel like themselves again so they can enjoy life with their baby and family. To learn more about her and her counseling services, visit www.lastingchangetherapy.com. 5

THE TRUONG FAMILY, WHO ADDED ANOTHER BABY GIRL LAST MONTH.

METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020 21

LOCAL FAMILY FUN

Stepping into Summer with Outdoor Fun Sunshine + warm weather = outdoor family fun season. We know you’ve become pretty familiar with your own turf over the last month or more, but we’ve got 10 stellar suggestions for summertime fun in your own backyard: 1 Make your own slip n slide for a wild time, or turn on the sprinklers and create a wet obstacle course. 2 Pitch a tent in your backyard for a family campout . Try a campfire recipe to complete your evening. 3 Try a new twist on water fights by making sponge bombs . 4 Spend some time stargazing . Science Museum Oklahoma’s #SMOatHome offers tutorials to do it yourself, or watch their resident scientists explain the night sky virtually. 5 Get in touch with Western heritage! Concoct your own butter and decorate bandannas so you’ll be ready for the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum’s rescheduled Chuck Wagon Festival come September. 6 Turn two pop bottles into a tiny tornado with a classic science experiment from KFOR-TV meteorologists Damien Lodes and Emily Sutton. 7 Visualize your next vacation at one of Oklahoma’s most unique attraction adventures. Find out how you can sleep in a treehouse or covered wagon when it’s safe to travel again! 8 Have a blast creating bubble art . 9 Live it up at your own luau ! Find everything you need, from crafts and recipes to books and movies, in the Oklahoma Hall of Fame’s virtual OHOF@Home series. 10 Get growing with a flower or vegetable garden designed as a family.

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Visit metrofamilymagazine.com/step-into-summer-fun for more info and instructions for our top 10 recs. Share a photo of your at-home outdoor fun with the tag #okcfamilyfun.

22 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020

REPEAT. Sell. Buy.

Now with 3 locations to serve you! Call (405) 840-1686 to schedule an evaluation!

SELL THE TOYS, CLOTHES AND EQUIPMENT YOUR KIDS HAVE OUTGROWN. SAVE ON THE BRANDS YOU TRUST WITH OUR EVERYDAY LOW PRICES!

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Coming this summer! A new permanent exhibit, "Launch to Landing” Oklahomans in Space

Other park amenities opening in phases. Call for details. swimming, picnicking and hiking trails now. Enjoy fishing, boating, camping,

In 2002, John Bennett Herrington became the first enrolled member of a Native American tribe to fly in space. Herrington was selected as a Mission Specialist for STS-113, the sixteenth Space Shuttle mission to the International Space Station.

We Have fun, You should too.

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METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020 23

MOM TALK

Move Over Mom Guilt BY SIMI JOHN . PHOTOS PROVIDED.

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I am also a huge rule follower so I can’t let wrongdoings go easily without an appropriate consequence. (I was the kid in elementary school who loved checking other people’s papers and marking them up with my red pen.) But my husband, who is a lead pastor at a church in Norman, always provides great advice: “Don’t fight to win the argument, fight to win the relationship.” Connecting before correcting I’ve been striving to put into practice a few key steps to manage the mom guilt monster that rears its head for me related to discipline. As much as it is contrary to my personality, I am choosing to connect before I correct. I am real with my kids so they know I relate to their struggle in not always making the best choices or playing nice every time. I initiate vulnerable conversations starting with: “I know how you feel. I have done that, too.” This allows me to connect with my kids at their level first, then I correct by giving them time out or whatever consequence is appropriate for their behavior. I’ve learned that when I discipline as a parent, my primary goal is not behavior modification, it is character development and creating trust. Believe me, I have done it wrong for so long. But I am trying to change my parenting style, proof that it is never too late. Simi John is married to her best friend and they pastor New Life Bible Church in Norman. They have two kids and love exploring OKC. Simi is a speaker and author, having just released her first book: “I Am Not: Break Free From Stereotypes & Become the Woman God Made You to Be.” Connect with Simi on Instagram @simijohn.

Recently I polled my friends on social media regarding what makes them feel overwhelmed with mom guilt. Their responses were surprisingly similar: doing too much or not doing enough. Mom guilt has become a normal part of motherhood. Every day there seems to be some situation that wakes up the mom guilt monster and it haunts us for the rest of the day. It reminds us we have failed yet again and that our kids will probably turn into criminals or need therapy because of us. Our emotions often take over to the point we can’t think straight and we succumb to reacting in unhealthy ways. When we’re overwhelmed in a dark place of defeat we might wonder: “Why would God give me two kids? I can’t handle two kids!” I have thought this myself but felt too guilty to say it out loud. I know I am not alone. The dread of discipline One area where I have often felt defeated is disciplining my kids. If there was ever a manual every parent needed it would be one on discipline. There is no one method that works best for all children because kids are all different and situations vary. Most of the time we parent the way we were parented, or we do the exact opposite. I am the primary disciplinarian in my family; my husband is more patient, so he jumps in to discipline mostly when there is a safety concern. I grew up in a house where the loudest person was heard most. So I naturally yell to make sure I am heard loud and clear.

24 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MAY 2020

3. Hang out with a friend. I coordinate a coffee date for real talk with authentic moms during those tough seasons. For now, virtual connections will have to do. Play Cafe is the perfect spot when you have to bring kids along with you! 2. Read. Some of my favorite parenting resources have come from Paul David Tripp. His books and podcasts on parenting are packed with wisdom and practical tips.

From guilt to grace Whether over discipline or something else, I’ve also learned to manage mom guilt by caring for myself. Here are three things I do when the guilty feelings start to creep in:

1. Go for a walk. When I am overwhelmed by mom guilt, I want to sit, scroll and sulk, so instead I force myself to go for a walk around the neighborhood, Martin Park Nature Center or Lake Overholser.

MARTIN PARK NATURE CENTER

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