for Parents from Hard Places BY DR. LISA MAROTTA Hope FAMILY MENTAL WELLNESS
University of Oklahoma researcher and author Dr. Chan Hellman dedicates his professional life to helping children and adults overcome trauma and adversity. Hellman identifies that the strongest psychological strength for trauma survivors is hope. In his book Hope Rising: How the Science of Hope Can Change Your Life he defines hope as “the belief that your future can be brighter and better than your past and that you actually have a role to play in making it better.” Every parent can benefit from hope, but this is especially true for those who have experienced childhood trauma. There are three main concepts in defining hope: goals, pathways and agency. Set a goal to become a healthy parent, beginning with your healing. With this goal in mind discover small steps (pathways) that will help you get there. Pathways are identified actions that bring us closer to a goal. There are multiple pathways to healing from childhood trauma. Journaling may provide a useful outlet for self-expression. Self-help books are available that address shame, healing and creating boundaries. Seek a safe, confidential setting through individual or group therapy or support groups like Al-anon or Recovery International. The Green Shoe Foundation is a mental health nonprofit organization in Edmond that offers an intensive workshop with a mission to “heal the past and restore healthy patterns in your life.” These are all viable pathways to healing. Some residual effects of childhood trauma may flare up in the journey to becoming a healthy parent. The difference between hope and wishful thinking is preparing for obstacles on the path to your goal. Common obstacles for parents from hard places are self-esteem, boundaries and emotional regulation. Too many Oklahomans experience abuse and neglect as children. Developmental trauma impacts a growing child’s relationship to self and others, and healing is a lifelong process. Survivors of abuse and neglect understandably want to approach parenting differently. If this is your story, take heart. You can be a good parent even if you had a bad childhood.
Hope
Pathways
58 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPT-OCT 2021
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