Boundaries
Relational boundaries refer to the expectations people have of themselves and others. For those who grew up in a family with neglect or distorted expectations, it may be hard to ask for help or feel comfortable practicing self-care. An example of poor boundaries would be having responsibility for other family members, like younger siblings, when it was not age appropriate. Boundary violations of abuse contribute to difficulty with assertiveness and/or the ability to leave relationships that are disrespectful. In boundary work, “no” is a complete sentence. It isn’t necessary to explain why we say no. We all have felt the regret of saying “yes” to a project that takes time and energy away from family or other interests. It is liberating to begin saying “yes” and “no” when that is what you really mean. The process of goal-setting will encourage building healthy boundaries that will inform reasonable expectations of yourself and others. Better boundaries will guide you to create a home where the relationships are safe, developmentally appropriate and encouraging. All feelings are OK but how we express them matters. We learn to manage our strong emotions in childhood. Chronic stress early in life changes the way a developing child learns to identify, control and release emotions. Emotional reactivity is common among survivors of childhood neglect and abuse. Take a time out when you notice strong emotions. Use solitary time to practice relaxation techniques. In a calm state of mind consider the most effective way to express the strong emotion. Think through the best timing and approach to convey your message. Parenting is stressful. When you build skills to regulate emotions, self-calming is easier even on overwhelming days. Developing effective skills to manage stress and express emotions will also empower you to teach your child to manage their feelings.
Emotional Regulation
2019 Latin Grammy nominee, Sonia De Los Santos, will share three virtual programs on the Metro Library Facebook page. Billboard has hailed De Los Santos
as“one of the Latin children’s music artists you should know.” Visit facebook.com/metrolibrary to enjoy these virtual programs. Bilingual Music Performance Wed, Sept. 29 at 10am Latin American Instruments Wed, Oct. 6 at 10am Introduction to Latin American Rhythms Wed, Oct. 13 at 10am
60 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / SEPT-OCT 2021
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