Setting expectations Their first night as foster parents, Michael didn’t sleep. He sat in the living room all night in case the girls needed him. He admits that the beginning of a placement can be awkward, when all parties are getting to know one other. The Carringtons focus on building structure, setting clear expectations and giving their kids space to simply be kids. “They just want to feel safe,” said Michael. “Once you get a schedule and routines down, they start to trust you.” The Carringtons have strict expectations about grades to help ensure the girls, once out of high school, can obtain good paying jobs, attend college through Oklahoma Promise (a program through which children in care can receive free tuition) and be set up for success without debt. Meagan says one of her foster daughters recently told her she didn’t care about her grades previously because no one had ever pushed her to do her best. “You have to help pave that road for them because many have abandonment and commitment issues, struggle with who to trust and have to learn how to be
accountable,” said Michael. “We have girls who want to be a judge or doctor, and their grades are what is going to help pay for that.” Meagan enjoys seeing the girls in their care get comfortable enough to pursue their passions. “You can tell you are really making a difference,” said Meagan. Caring in community When safe, the goal is always to bridge, or build relationships with, children’s birth families. Just as the Carringtons set expectations and boundaries with the children, they do the same with biological relatives. Their upfront, supportive manner, plus consistent communication, has resulted in lasting relationships. The Carringtons keep in touch with the families of children who’ve been reunited with biological relatives. Meagan sees herself as a lifelong support, offering parenting help and encouragement. “It’s not their fault,” said Meagan of biological parents whose kids are in care due to a lack of resources. “That doesn’t excuse what happened to their kids, but when they
take responsibility to fix their issues and get their kids back, I’m going to cheerlead because that’s what’s best for the kids." They also work hard to keep the kids in their home connected with siblings placed elsewhere. Two of their current placements have younger brothers with whom the Carringtons get together regularly. “It means a lot to us to keep the bond with them so they don’t feel they’ve been forgotten,” said Michael. Help for the holidays This holiday season is the Carringtons’ first with officially adopted kids. Michael says they all feel immense peace knowing the girls are in their forever home. The family has relied on groups like Oklahoma Human Services, Citizens Caring for Children and the Citizens Advisory Board in Norman to help with holiday gifts for the children in their care. In addition to considering becoming a foster family, local families can support foster families by volunteering with or donating to these groups this holiday season.
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