partnering with retail businesses to sell [the cookies], and we are paying them $15 an hour because it is our goal that they make a living wage when they graduate.” ReMerge offers continued support after graduation, including monthly peer-led support groups, annual reunions and flex funds for unforeseen expenses. As a former child welfare worker, Burkholder recognizes the importance of providing support to individuals seeking change. Seventy-one percent of ReMerge moms have been victims of domestic violence, and many experienced childhood trauma that has impacted their decisions. “We are asking them to change everything they’ve ever known,” said Burkholder. “They are learning what healthy relationships even look like, building those support systems up and those connections with each other. Those are the things that are going to keep them stable and in long-term recovery.” Eastep is glad ReMerge recognizes the impact of trauma. “It all stems from some kind of trauma, and if we had gotten help with that trauma then we might not have been in that situation,” Eastep said. “But now that we are getting help hopefully we won’t go back to that situation.” Keeping moms and kids together Oklahoma has the highest rate of female incarceration in the nation, topping the list for decades. Burkholder said 85 percent of the women serving time in prison are mothers, which speaks to the need for programs like ReMerge in our state. “Most had custody of their children before going into prison and most are single parent households,” said Burkholder. “So it’s just traumatic for the entire family but also economically devastating.” A child with an incarcerated parent is seven times as likely to be incarcerated and has a 2 percent chance of going to college, according to Burkholder, another catalyst for ReMerge to help break that cycle. Incarcerating mothers can strain other family members, such as grandparents who thought they were done raising kids, a situation Bethany resident Crystal Guthrie can relate to and one ReMerge hopes to alleviate when possible. Guthrie became the legal guardian of her now 4-year-old grandson in April 2018 when her 27-year-old daughter was sentenced to six years in prison. Guthrie remembers driving home from court the day her daughter was sentenced, calling a friend while in shock. “I said, ‘Oh my God, I have a 2-year-old
GRADUATES CELEBRATE COMPLETING THE REMERGE PROGRAM, WHICH TAKES AN AVERAGE OF 18 TO 24 MONTHS.
in my backseat. What am I going to do?’” Guthrie recalled. Her friend told her to pull over and scream for 10 seconds. “My grandson thought it was fun,” said Guthrie. “I just got the 10 seconds out and I hit the road and did what I had to do.” Transitioning to being a full-time caretaker of a young child was an adjustment, from securing daycare to changing her own schedule. “It just changed everything,” said Guthrie. “You’re [in your] late 40s doing your thing, making decisions on the fly and then you’re a full-time mom again. And you don’t once complain because I love him and would not once ask anyone else to take him because he’s where he’s supposed to be. But it is hard to juggle.” Guthrie and her grandson visit her daughter every other Saturday. “We’ve tried really hard to keep that bond there and I do think he’s attached to her, I just think it’s not the attachment that she wishes he had,” Guthrie said. “I hope that she understands that it’s not that he doesn’t love her the way that he used to because he does.” Alexus Walker knows all too well the importance of keeping the bond with children while incarcerated. The 26-year-old was incarcerated from May 2017 to December 2018 and said the impact of being away from her now 5-year-old daughter is still evident. “She has separation anxiety,” Walker said. “I have to reassure her that I’m here and that I’m not going anywhere.”
During her incarceration at Dr. Eddie Warrior Correctional Center, Walker participated in the Helping Women Recover program. The program helped her address triggers and realize she’s worthy and more than her past mistakes. “I’m free and peaceful,” Walker said. “I just thank God for the program.” The face of female incarceration Putting real faces to these mothers is important, says Burkholder, who stresses there are misconceptions of what a woman involved in the justice system is like. In reality, it can be anyone. “It can truly be your neighbor, your sister, your mother, your friend,” said Burkholder. When Guthrie first visited her daughter she was in shock that her child was surrounded by felons and criminals, but as she really observed, she saw mothers, mothers pushing their kids on swing sets, hugging them, carefully changing diapers. “It’s a yard full of moms with their kids,” said Guthrie. “They are just normal women who have gotten into trouble. They’ve made mistakes. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t good people and good moms. They love their kids.” In the same way, graduates of ReMerge look like any other mom, celebrating accomplishments that mean a better future for her and her children. Editor’s note: ReRe Lunsford is a Norman mom of two boys and an adjunct journalism professor at The University of Oklahoma.
22 METROFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM / MARCH 2020
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