Is It Just Stress? How dads can tell when to get help BY MICHAEL DICKERSON
A couple of weeks ago, I was speaking at a conference about stress, something every one of us feels but not all of us know how to talk about. After my session, a young dad approached me. He looked tired in a way I recognized right away. He shared that he thought he was dealing with more than just the usual stress that comes with work and raising kids. He told me he’d come home after 10-hour shifts, too drained to even look his children in the eye, and that he was drinking more at night just to feel like he could relax. His honesty stayed with me long after the conference ended. It made me wonder: How can fathers tell when the weight they’re carrying has crossed the line from everyday stress into something that needs real help? For a lot of dads, answering that question isn’t easy. From the time we’re little boys, we learn to tough it out and keep moving. Maybe you heard growing up: “Stop acting like a baby” or “Big boys don’t cry.” Whether it was after falling off your bike or losing a game, those words had a way of sinking in and shaping how you saw yourself. Over the years, they taught us to measure strength by how well we could hide our pain. When life gets heavy, when we’re trying to hold it together at work, be good fathers, be good partners, nobody thinks to ask if we’re OK. We even forget to ask ourselves. We just keep pushing forward, convinced that admitting we’re overwhelmed would mean we’re failing the people who count on us.
The risk of ignoring the warning signs Here’s the truth: ignoring that voice inside doesn’t make it go away. It only makes the weight heavier. If we don’t pay attention to the warning signs, the stress can grow into something that robs us of the moments that matter most. Everyday stress is part of being a dad. Most of us have found ways to manage it, like taking a walk after work, lifting weights or spending a few minutes in the morning just breathing before the day begins. These habits can help. But what do you do when those things stop working? When no matter what you try, you still feel stuck in the same dark place? Here are some signs it could be more than just stress: • You feel numb or hopeless most days, like you’re just going through the motions. • You start pulling away from the people you love and stop answering texts and calls. • Your patience is gone, and anger shows up instead, sometimes over little things. • You rely more on alcohol or other substances just to cope.
56 Healthy Families Guide
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