Our man down Under - Down the Middle - by Gerry Coleman
Gerry Coleman has run-ins with the cops, which is bad enough, but also with his Ma, which is worse. Not to mention the locusts, a drunk driver, and a cinema where patrons are warned not to bring explosives with them
local computer for our records as a lot of people go missing on this highway. We like the Irish so enjoy the rest of your stay, and with that they were on their way. They had the right to put me in the back of a paddy wagon, take me to a holding cell and deport me out on the next flight. NT police are awesome and as they said, if your not doing any harm we won’t worry about you. “..so you’ve been in Australia for 11 months now and you have a 6 month holiday visa?” Hitchhiking to Alice Springs With a new spring in my step I continued hitchhiking and it wasn’t too long till a bloke pulled up in an old utility truck (Ute) who was driving to Queensland. In true Australian fashion this laid back dinky di Ozzie had a carton of beer on the front seat which he proceeded to open and partially consume. As this highway is straight for about 3,000km with only one major turnoff to the left at Three Ways roadhouse to Queensland and very little of interest along the way it wasn’t long before my companion driver got fatigued and this copilot took over. A plague of locusts As I was driving, out of nowhere a plague of locusts descended upon us as if we were targeted for
having the audacity to invade their territory (just like when the plague of Dubliners descend upon Rush beaches during the summer months).The normally redundant windscreen wipers got a good workout as did my heart. Here I am driving down the middle of Australia, a very unforgiving barren lonely place, first time driving in Australia, with a self - induced semi comatosed bloke sitting beside me, don’t know where I’m going, can’t see where I’m going with dead locust carcasses all over the windscreen and the only thing that entered my head was “if Ma could only see now”! Well when she did say goodbye at the front gate she also said “enjoy yourself and have lots of adventure”! Meanwhile back in the adventure machine my companion had awoken from his deep sleep and wondered what had happened to
H aving arrived back in Darwin from my camp cook experience out bush it was nice to shack up for a while at the local hostel and mix with fellow travellers of both sexes and share tales. I was having such a good time in the ‘top end’ that I unfortunately neglected to contact me Ma for three months and when I eventually did she told me that she was extremely worried and thought I might have been taken by a crocodile or murdered in the outback. Oops! Even at 97 she still reminds me of those worrying times. Anyway the time had come to explore some more of this vast spacious continent and head straight down the middle to South Australia. Quizzed by the cops Somebody from the hostel gave me a lift to the outskirts of Darwin. As I was standing there Hitching on the side of the highway a police car pulled up and two cops got out. One quizzed me, “where are you heading, how long have you been in Australia and how are you enjoying it, oh and have you got some ID”. I have a passport somewhere here in the bottom of my rucksack. That’s ok take your time. I handed him my passport with nervous apprehension and as he flicked through the pages my heart sank as he said. “So you’ve been in Australia for eleven months now and you have a six month holiday visa”? Err...yes. Don’t worry about it, your details will be put into our
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