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The Bledsoe Firm JustFamilyLaw.com | 949.363.5551 AUGUST | 2020
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W riting M y F irst B ook The Long and Worthwhile Process Many of us have a bucket list. Some of us have thought about writing a book for a long time. Having read many books in my life, I wondered if I had a book in me, and I concluded that I did. In late 2017, I decided I needed to write a book about how a person can be successful in their California divorce case. The project really started 2 1/2 years ago in December of 2017 when I went on a vacation with my family to Cancun. I was determined to spend at least 90 minutes each day dictating a draft into my laptop voice recognition program. I actually outlined the book on the almost five-hour flight there. Then, I spent each morning in a private area of the hotel where we were staying, sitting and dictating, following the outline that I had created. Much of it flowed easily, was very conversational, and consisted of advice that I’ve given my clients while in my office. On the way back to the United States, my word count showed around 42,000 words. That translates into about 140 pages, at the rate of 300 words per page. That was the first draft, and it was very rough. The next step was reworking the draft again and again. We all know what it is like to read something that you wrote the day before. You realize how much you can improve it. Refinement is the key, and one thing that is crucial is being patient enough to read through the entire chapter before starting to make edits. Otherwise you can make the chapter worse instead of improving it. After several time-consuming reworks, it was time to let some of my family members, employees, and fellow attorneys read the latest draft and make suggestions. This was a very helpful step, as each person who read through the manuscript provided useful insight. At least one of the suggestions really saved me from perhaps angering most of the judges I appeared in front of, and
I was very grateful for all of the input I received. After this was finished, the content of the book was really set in place.
All of this took considerable time to accomplish. At times, I was so crazy-busy with work and family obligations that I had to set the manuscript aside. Having the manuscript sit at times with no progress really ate away at me. Especially considering all of the time I had put into the project up to that point. In the middle of 2019, one of my clients told me that she was a professional editor for a well- known publication. She agreed to do a full edit of my book. This was a complete and very in-depth edit. After seeing some of her work on much shorter pieces I had written, I gave her full editorial control. The idea was not to change the meaning but rather to make it more clear, direct, and readable. The editing took several weeks, much longer than I had anticipated. But when I read through the edited manuscript, I was truly amazed. It was reduced by almost 8,000 words, but it was also very smooth and easy to read. Even then, I actually had to go through the manuscript again to make sure that the meaning had not changed at all. I had asked both my wife and one of my amazing daughters, Ash, to come up with cover designs and titles. They each came up with several, and I could not decide which one to use. By this time, we were into the COVID-19 pandemic. I showed the top four cover designs to some other attorneys and their staff members on a group Zoom call. One of the covers, which my oldest daughter created, won the vote hands down. I then had a very accomplished graphic artist take my daughter’s design and create a very contemporary-looking cover. I was quite thrilled with the result. From that point forward, I was sold on how much a graphic designer can help and that books truly are first judged by their covers. As the COVID-19 pandemic progressed and things began to reopen, I again became busier than ever. But my other very talented daughter, Lauren, took on the task of pushing the book through to completion. The manuscript and the cover were then sent to the publisher to create the physical book. The width of the book’s spine will determine the exact size of the cover of the book, so the book cover cannot be finalized until the publisher determines the page count, which is very important. Ironically, it is not a good idea to make self-help books, and most other books, too long. In this day of cell phones and social media, people just do not have the attention span to read long books anymore. The next and final step will happen in the coming days when I receive my actual proof copy of the book via Federal Express. I’ll do one final inspection and review of the book before hundreds of copies are printed and sent out later this month. In next month’s newsletter, I look forward to sharing more about the book, including some of the key things any person considering divorce should know. —John Bledsoe
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human to feel emotions and express them, you can use certain strategies to help your child navigate major emotions and calm down. The key is helping them tap into their central nervous system with activities that engage their senses. Just like adults, younger kids sometimes need support to regulate their emotions, especially in situations that are stressful for them. That’s where activities that engage the five senses can be really beneficial. Sensory activities that utilize the five senses can help your little one connect their body to their immediate surroundings and the larger world around them.
HELP YOUR KIDS HANDLE STRESSFUL SITUATIONS With These Sensory-Rich Activities
Here are some sensory-rich activities that can help kids feel calmer in stressful times:
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Make a pile of pillows and jump into it. Put on some fun music and dance.
• Bounce your little one on your lap or an exercise ball. • Take them for a spin around the house in a box or laundry basket; kids can even race each other. • Create a slide by propping a mattress or exercise mat against the couch. These are activities you can use right where you are to help your child find their calm again, even in a meltdown. According to early childhood development expert Alyssa Blask Campbell, sensory input stays in the system for about two hours, meaning even just five minutes of these types of activities can give you and your child hours of calm throughout the day.
You can see it happening, almost in slow motion: Your child goes from playing and laughing to frowning in less than a second. They start to cry, and suddenly, a meltdown is underway.
Is this just the way raising young kids is? Does a lack of sleep, change in routine, or intense hunger always have to lead to a meltdown? While it’s
5 Mistakes to Avoid During a Child Custody Case
No. 1: Making the Case About Your Ex Instead of Your Child At all times, a child custody case is about your minor child or children. When determining custody, deciding visitation, and allocating holidays or exceptions, the family court is going to consider what is in the best interest of the child and make a ruling according to that standard. Stay focused on the reasons you deserve full or partial custody and show lifestyle choices and parenting skills that make you a strong choice for custody. No. 2: Taking to Social Media to Air Grievances If you aren’t willing to sign off and shut down your accounts entirely, you need to refrain from sharing information about your child custody case or bashing your ex. Use of social media to share personal stories or smear your former spouse’s reputation frequently backfire. The people in both your lives are forced to take sides. Your ex becomes upset, angry, and more committed to refusing you custody or visitation. Neither of these responses is helpful for your child custody case or future family structure. No. 3: Refusing to Compromise or Cooperate In all aspects of a divorce or separation, there must be room for compromise. It is an inherent part of reaching a settlement and receiving a divorce decree from the family court. The final outcome of a child custody case is no different. You will need to find some common
ground with your ex to reach a conclusion. Working closely with
your family lawyer will help set your priorities and help determine where compromise is and isn’t an option. No. 4: Trying to Out-Talk Your Child in a Child Custody Case The loudest voice in any custody case should be your child’s. The preferences and happiness of your child are paramount, and that could very well mean spending time with both parents. When possible, a family court will consider the perspective and opinion of your child, and you should as well. No. 5: Remaining Passive During the Process While we advocate for a levelheaded and calm demeanor during the divorce and custody process, this doesn’t mean we believe clients should remain silent and passive in the background of their child custody case. Rather, any good family lawyer will help you tell your story in a strategic, vibrant, and convincing way.
For more informative articles like this one, be sure to visit our blog at JustFamilyLaw.com/family-law-expert-blog!
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W ord S earch Sundae Camping Fair Friendship FirePit Peridot Poppy
MAKE THE BEST OF BACK- TO-SCHOOL
Rafting School Thunderstorm Virgo Watermelon
5 T ips for S uccess
The 2020–2021 school year is underway. Some schools have opened their doors, while others are holding remote classes. No matter the situation you and your kids find yourselves in, you can be sure hectic weekday mornings are on the way. However, you can take a few simple steps to make things more organized. Consider the following: PLAN THE WHOLE WEEK. Instead of making lunch every morning before school, teach your kids about meal planning. On Sunday, for example, plan and make the lunches for the week. Then, it’s all grab and go! Remember to have dedicated space in the fridge just for these planned meals. POWER UP WITH BREAKFAST (AND LUNCH). Kids need a healthy, high-protein breakfast to mentally and physically power through the day. Incorporate foods like eggs, peanut butter, or Greek yogurt into your kids’ breakfast routine. Continue the trend at lunch with lean meats (like turkey or chicken), along with fruits and vegetables. Skip refined carbohydrates and sugars, both of which are detrimental to cognitive development and learning. ORGANIZE YOUR MORNING. Make calendars and lists, and commit to a weekly routine. These organizational tools will help get everyone through the school year, while keeping headaches to a minimum. Put it on paper or a whiteboard and stick it to the fridge or go digital with Google Calendars. For maximum organization, do both! MANAGE YOUR TIME. Part of being organized every morning and committing to a routine is realizing you’re on a schedule. Teach kids about the importance of managing time when there isn’t a lot of it to go around. Reward kids when they manage their time appropriately. MAKE ROOM FOR NEW RULES. Going from the flexibility of summer and being home from school for an extended period of time, the structure of the school year can be a tough transition for kids. Be open-minded and supportive as your kids deal with the more rigid structure of the school year, as well as new rules and expectations. This is especially important for kids transitioning to remote classes.
PEACH AND ARUGULA PASTA SALAD
Inspired by AmbitiousKitchen.com
Nothing says summer like a pasta salad filled with your favorite fresh fruits and vegetables, and this combination is the perfect way to cap off a warm summer day!
INGREDIENTS
• 2 large fresh peaches, diced or sliced • 1/2 medium red onion, thinly sliced • 1 pint heirloom cherry tomatoes, halved • 1 cup corn • 6 cups arugula, packed
• 8 oz penne or fusilli pasta • 2 tbsp olive oil • 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes • 1/2 tsp sea salt • Pepper, to taste • 2 tbsp lemon juice • 3/4 cup crumbled feta cheese
DIRECTIONS
1. In a large pot of boiling water, cook pasta for approximately 9 minutes or until al dente. Drain pasta and place in a separate bowl. 2. In a small bowl, whisk together olive oil, red pepper flakes, salt, pepper, and lemon juice. Drizzle the dressing over the pasta and toss with the feta cheese. 3. Add peaches, red onions, tomatoes, corn, and arugula to the pasta mixture. Lightly toss to mix well. Add more olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and pepper to taste.
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Inside Writing My First Book
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The Best Activities for Helping Kids Cope With Stress
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Mistakes That Can Harm Your Child Custody Case
Tips to Make the Best of Back- to-School
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Peach and Arugula Pasta Salad
The Story of Zen Buddhist Chef Jeong Kwan
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One of the world’s greatest chefs can’t be found in a restaurant. Instead, she serves fellow nuns and occasional visitors in a Zen Buddhist monastery in Korea. To fully describe the incredible success of Jeong Kwan, you must first consider a factor that Western cuisine has ignored for millennia. While most people would assume Korean food is all about its famed barbecue, another pillar of the culture goes largely unacknowledged: Korean temple cuisine, which originated in the country’s Buddhist monasteries. A philosophy of Zen Buddhism is to not crave food and satisfy yourself only enough to be prepared for meditation, so you might think that flavor would be of little consequence in a monastery’s kitchen. However, you’d be wrong. The West’s perception of Korean temple cuisine was challenged shortly after Eric Ripert visited Kwan’s monastery and experienced her cooking during a trip to Korea. Ripert invited Kwan to New York City to prepare food in a private room at Le Bernardin, where she sent global shockwaves through the entire fine cuisine community. New York Times writer Jeff Gordinier described FOOD FOR THOUGHT T he S tory of Z en B uddhist C hef J eong K wan
her plates as “so elegant, they could've slipped into a tasting menu at Benu or Blanca” and her flavors as “assertive,” all while being vegan. More and more critics realized that Kwan’s combination of foraging, fermenting, dehydrating, and cooking by season was not a modern practice. In fact, Zen Buddhist monks like Kwan mastered cooking in this tradition hundreds of years ago. “With food, we can share and communicate our emotions. It’s that mindset of sharing that is really what you’re eating,” Kwan says at the start of her titular episode of Netflix’s documentary series “Chef’s Table.” She continues, “There is no difference between cooking and pursuing Buddha’s way.” Whether for enlightenment or simply connecting with friends and family, sharing home-cooked meals can be an emotionally restorative experience as much as it is nourishing. This month, indulge in something special and homemade or try your hand at Korean temple cuisine by Googling some of Jeong Kwan’s recipes.
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