express your anger is up to you. The important thing is to acknowledge it, and to not hurt your- self or anyone else in expressing it. Guilt Anger often becomes guilt. Guilt is feeling some- how responsible for what happened or thinking that you didn’t do enough in the relationship while your loved one was alive. You may say to yourself, “If only I had known,” or “If only I told them I loved them.” Guilt involves a lot of “if only” or “should haves.” You may wonder, “What else could I have done to prevent this tragedy?” You may be experienc- ing survival guilt, asking why your loved one died or why it wasn’t you instead. The torment of what protective action may have prevented it from happening may last long after the tragedy. You may think about all of the times you talked with them, or didn’t talk with them about alco- hol. You may not have had conversations about underage drinking or getting into the car with a driver who has been consuming alcohol. It’s pos- sible that you did have the conversations, but now you are plagued with guilt about how you talked about it with them and if you should have done it differently. Regrets are normal, but you cannot change the past. Some people find it helpful to write letters to their loved ones to help them say their good-
byes. As difficult as it is, it is important to look rationally at how your beliefs make you feel guilty. You may, indeed, be responsible for some component of your loved one’s
Talking with others can help you look at your guilt realistically.
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