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by Paul Bayles, Pastor, Christ Community Church Canoga Park, Calif.
the Christian home
D i f f e r e n c e i n money handling, between husbands and wives, is frequently a complaint offered to lawyers and counselors. Are these dif ferences causes of marital unhappi ness or symptoms of that unhappi ness? The problem doesn’t usually center around extreme states of pov erty. That is another story. Middle^ class couples complain most frequent ly of monetary distress. It would seem that the problem usually involves dissatisfaction wi t h one’s income bracket, extreme attitudes toward spending and saving money, the lack of discussed and defined goals and the absence of straight-forward communi cation in facing income and outgo sincerely. Marriage problems that seemingly center around money, actu ally are based on gaps in personal maturity on the part of the mates. Sociologists have constructed an imaginary suburbia called. Yankee City. The population of this mythical city is supposedly representative of America. Her citizens are classified economically. Educational and cul tural factors enter into these classifica tions also. This tends to increase com petition within these groups. There are the lower, middle and upper classes, who are divided into more minute sections. Each class has its own lower, middle and upper groups. This is the economic and social ladder on which we Americans are daily climbing. None of us is content with the group in which we find ourselves. We all want to climb one notch high er. Each group has its typical psycho logical and economical characteristics and status symbols. We are easily identifiable to the experts, due to our mannerisms, dress, etc. As we climb ever upward, the folk on the top rung usually jump off and end it all. It seems that life on the top rung offers no more real contentment than where we now are. The problem comes when money becomes so symbolic that hus bands and wives discover that their lives are a frantic race in which they have left behind such lower class, peasant-like blessings as spiritual and emotional fertility. We always diag nose our dissatisfaction as a “money problem.” Another phase of the- problem in volves our attitudes toward spending and saving. Persons who are very frugal will sometimes marry persons who spend money very freely. Per
haps each is looking for some help in finding a balance—and find each other instead. Usually neither is able to help the other, since both may be motivated by insecurity and imma turity. Why does one compulsively save money, while the other compul sively spends it? Perhaps each is try ing to find security in different ways. One saves because he fears the un known, the unpredictable future. The other buys and spends in an effort to be liked for his generosity, or as a substitute gratification for receiving little or no affection in marriage. Christians often spiritualize these symptoms. The one will argue that he is being a good provider, looking after the security of the family — which may be true. The other will rationalize free spending by explain ing that he is not interested in “ lay ing up treasures on earth.” Each part ner needs honestly to face the per sonal reasons that motivate these atti tudes toward money. This is not a money problem, but one of attitudes. Then there are wishes and goals. Everybody has wishes. Somehow, Christians have the idea that wishes are carnal. We all have wishes, but we do little about getting rid of them if they are eviL We keep them, but we shudder to think of listing them. Obviously, some of our wishes may be very selfish and carnal. One way to find out is to face them and write them down. In this way, we will know what they are. When we don’t define our wishes, several things hap pen. They remain vaguely in the back of our minds, without plan, prece dence or order. This confusion makes us susceptible to impulsive spending and buying. We have wishes, but they are confused and poorly defined. We suspect that it might be wrong to have them, so we keep them vague. Make your list together. Recognize your ambitions. Pray about them and discuss them together. If they are right for you, this is the first step in their realization. If they are wrong for you, it is better to know and walk according to God’s will, than to de ceive yourselves or to disobey Him. Once your goals are established, exercise self-discipline, refusing to be side-tracked with impulsive whims and sales pitches. Financial disorgan ization is indicative of sloppy living. God blesses those whose lives are properly ordered.
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
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