THE NEXT ONE’S GOOD
I AM QUITE CANDIDLY A dreadful golfer,” said Willie Geist, the TV Everyman who I invited to cover the 2011 Masters for Golf Digest. He was questioning whether he deserved the assignment. “I only really play at the public nine-hole on Shelter Island (New York), where the Caesar salad in the clubhouse gets more grooming than the fairways.” Golfers by nature are put-down artists. I was reminded of this when I was flip- ping channels and heard Willie effusing about golf now that he’s rediscovered the game playing with his 16-year-old son George. “I find it sometimes medi- tative, more often maddening, but re- ally, really hard,” he said, “and that’s what I like about it. You’re with your son or your buddy. It’s four hours. You’re outside in the sunlight, you’re hanging out, you’re actually talking. Nobody’s on their phone. So I’ve come to fall in love with it the last couple of years.” Wait, but that’s not the point. Willie’s conversation turned to his guest, the journalist Jim VandeHei, who’s asked if he plays golf. “Yeah, I do. I’m terrible,” he said. “I like golfing but I really do suck at it.” And there it is: the universal confes- sion of all golfers. We’re dreadful, we’re terrible. Despite loving the game, we suck at it. Why are golfers as a species so compelled always to proclaim our suckage? Earlier this year, Viktor Hovland said he “sucks” and in the next round shot 65 at Pebble Beach. “One day I’m great, the next day I suck – that’s golf,” said John Daly. DJ Steve Porter not surprisingly did a compilation rap with Charles Bar- kley titled, “I Suck at Golf.” Tim Schantz, who is the CEO of Troon Golf, said to me the other day: “I don’t understand it. I meet hundreds of people every year, and 99 percent of them say the same thing: ‘Oh, I play,’ they say, ‘but I suck at it.’” The Golfer’s Paradox We chase perfection but bond through failure BY JERRY TARDE
Fishermen don’t say, “Oh, I fish, but I never catch anything.” Neither do ski- ers or tennis players. You never hear, “I ski, but I’m lousy at it.” Or “I play tennis, but I stink.” Runners don’t say, “Yeah, I run, but I fall down a lot.” You don’t hear boaters or race-car drivers or amateur pilots admit it either. You’d probably sprint in the other direction if they did. So why do golfers revel in saying how bad they are? When you say you’re not very good, maybe you’re just acknowledging it be- fore someone sees for himself. You’re really saying, I hold myself to higher standards in other parts of life, but in golf I come up short. I asked the golf coach Jason Goldsmith, who works with Jus- tin Rose. “We’re already negotiating the bet,” he said. Social humility is an inside joke – we’re laughing at ourselves. Maybe it’s because golf is the most brutally honest sport there is. It lives in cold, hard numbers. Your failures are exposed naked on every shot, in every score, and there’s no hiding be- hind teammates. There’s all this time for observation and self-assessment. “I am what I am, and that’s self-deprecat-
ing,” said Michael Bloomberg, who has accomplished so much in life yet holds a 22.0 handi- cap index. Bill Gates is 20.9, and it’s there for the world to see. “Golf is deceptively simple and end- lessly complicated.” That quote, which used to be painted on our office wall in New York, is widely attributed to Arnold Palmer. The first time I saw it, I had to smile. I knew Arnold Palmer. I used to play golf with him, and there’s no way Arnold ever said that. Arnold didn’t use adverbs. He spoke in declarative sen- tences. I never heard him say, “I suck at golf,” but I could imagine him saying it. He knew the universal struggle that’s an essential part of the game’s identity. We play the only sport where the best in the world can look like the worst, and the worst in the world can hit a shot as good as the best. Arnie knew better than any- one: there’s solidarity through suffering. When you admit you suck, what you’re really saying is, “Hey, I’m part of the tribe. I’m a golfer.” THE KING’S MADNESS Palmer knew the frustration that haunts all golfers.
14 GOLF DIGEST SOUTH AFRICA
NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2025
Made with FlippingBook interactive PDF creator