blind, my mind too limited, my instincts too narrow. But this intensity, doesn’t it mean anything? Is it an idiot joy that makes this animal, the most peculiar animal of all, exclaim something? And he thinks this reaction a sign, a proof, of eternity? And he has it in his breast? But I have no arguments to make about it. ‘Thou movest me.’‘But what do you want ... ?’‘But that’s just it – not a solitary thing. I am pretty well satisfied to be, to be just as it is willed, and for as long as I may remain in occupancy.’ Saul Bellow I know that in praying something happens, even if there is no one God in the form of a Father or a Mother receiving my prayer. I know that by the act of praying in the desert, out of love (because I wouldn’t pray otherwise), something might already be good in myself: a therapy might be taking place. I know that by doing this, I try – I will not necessarily succeed – to affirm and accept something in myself that won’t do any harm to anyone, especially to me. The impression that I do something good for myself or my loved ones, that’s the calculation. If, through this prayer, I am a little better at re– conciliation, and if I give up any calculation because I cannot calculate the incalculable, I can become better. Jacques Derrida Kaddish Let holiness move in us, let us pay attention to its small voice, let us see the light in others and honour that light, God, take me by Your hand, I shall follow You dutifully, and not resist too much. I shall evade none of the tempests life has in store for me, I shall try to face it all as best I can. But now and then grant me a short respite. I shall never again assume, in my innocence, that any peace that comes my way will be eternal. I shall accept all the inevitable tumult and struggle. I delight in warmth and security, but I shall not rebel if I have to suffer cold, should You so decree. I shall follow wherever Your hand leads me and shall try not to be afraid. I shall try to spread some of my warmth, of my genuine love for others, wherever I go. But we shouldn’t boast of our love for others. We cannot be sure that it really exists. I don’t want to be anything special, I only want to try to be true to that in me which seeks to fulfil its promise. I sometimes imagine that I long for the seclusion of a nunnery. But I know that I must seek You among people, out in the world. Etty Hillesum remember the dead who paid our way here dearly, dearly, and remember the unborn for whom we build our houses. Praise the light that shines before us, through us, after us. Marge Piercy
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