Boys Will Be Boys? Raising Well- Adjusted Sons BY DR. LYNN R. SCHECHTER, PHD, MP PHOTO BY FREEPIK.COM
Social-Emotional Development What about social-emotional development? There are factors which can help us to under- stand why there is a stereotype that boys are more immature socially and that they have difficulty understanding or expressing their emotions. Besides the fact that boys’ verbal skills are somewhat slower to develop than those of girls, that alone does not explain it. A more significant contributor are societal expectations for how boys are “supposed” to be. This relates to the traditional expectation that boys are not supposed to show their emotions, which begins in early childhood. In many families, boys will be chastised for crying, for example. They might be called a “sissy” for doing so or instructed to stop being “a baby.” What does this communicate to the boy? That he cannot show this emo- tion because he will be seen as weak and more “girl-like.” This is part of the culture of masculinity. This really puts a strain on boys as they grow up. This may foster the inability to understand their own emotions and to sup- press them. Or most of their emotions start to emerge as anger, since anger is a socially acceptable emotion for boys to show, even though it gets them into trouble sometimes. Better to be in trouble for being angry than showing weakness or backing down, they are sometimes taught. For the sensitive boy, these cultural expec- tations can be very stressful and lead to problems such as anxiety and depression. The sensitive boy does not fit the mold and is seen in a negative light by others. He might get bullied at school or rejected by peers or even by his own family, and depending upon the type of parents he has,
18 COLORADO PARENT AUGUST 2024 gross motor skills (running, jumping, balancing) and girls demonstrate faster development of fine motor skills (writing, drawing). This might be part of the reason why the saying “boys will be boys” originat- ed, from parents seeing their boys running around all over the place, jumping here, there, and everywhere. There is scientific research that has shown that the pleasure center of the brain of boys lights up more when they are more aggressive and when they take risks. This doesn’t mean that girls As a psychologist who has studied child development, and as a mother of two boys and a girl, I can say that there are differences in boys’ vs girls’ development. It’s important to understand these differences and how parents can raise happy, well-adjusted sons. There is always a significant amount of varia- tion among individual children. Here are the general/average trends. Physical Growth When boys and girls are born, boys tend to weigh a bit more than girls do. In terms of physical growth after that, boys and girls tend to be about equal until middle elemen- tary school, when girls tend to grow taller than the boys due to hormonal changes. You might look at your children’s elementary school class photos and see the girls tower- ing over the boys. That usually continues until middle school, and then boys’ growth spurts kick in with puberty, which lead them to grow taller than most of the girls of the same age by late adolescence. Gross Motor Skills In the early stages of physical development, boys may display a faster development of
can’t be risk takers, of course. These are just averages. Verbal Skills It is a well-known finding that girls’ verbal skills develop, on average, faster than boys. It is not unusual for a boy to be a “late talker.” How can a parent help in this area? Narrate what is going on when you are with your son. For example, “Now we’re going to the store to get some fruits and vegetables… This is an apple…etc.” Read with them. Ask them to tell you the names of objects and places. Since girls’ verbal skills are typically more advanced, it makes sense that they seek out social bonding in ways that primarily involve verbal social interactions from a young age. You’ll see the girls sitting together playing on the playground, playing word and clapping games with their hands. Usually, you’ll find the boys running around and climbing and being very physically active. Again, these are generalizations. Environment The environment in which a child is raised can have a big impact on how they develop. For example, a parent can foster a girls’ physical skills by getting her involved in sports. A parent can help their son to devel- op fine motor skills by getting them to do art or writing. That will probably help to avoid a common problem among boys, that their handwriting, especially in elementary school, can be very sloppy. They need to work on developing their fine motor skills. Helping a boy to learn how to type is proba- bly even more relevant since so many teach- ers expect work to be done on computers.
Made with FlippingBook - Online magazine maker