he may be put down or discouraged from being who he truly is. You might see a similar pattern emerge when a parent has a daughter who prefers “boy activities” and is a “tomboy.” Although, society seems to have more tolerance for girls who are tomboys than it does for boys who are sensitive and artistic. The pressure for boys to grow up to be “real men” in the old-fashioned sense of the term (physically strong, does not show vulnerability, does not talk about emotions, is dominant) is still more or less the norm even in 2024 Although, there does seem to be a trend now in the media for males to be both sensi- tive and strong. I’m thinking of The Rock, who plays characters who embody the ulti- mate powerful muscle man on the outside, and yet have a tender “teddy bear” inside. This is a far cry from the old Western films with Clint Eastwood in the 1970s, where his characters would never show any vulnerabil- ity or emotional weakness. So how can we as parents help our boys to grow up to have a balance of strength and masculinity with the caring, compassion and sensitivity that are typically associated with feminine qualities (as I write this, I am hop- ing that the reader will not think that I am suggesting that the feminine qualities are signs of weakness; in fact, they are signs of strength–a different type of strength–which
promotes successful relationships with friends, spouses, and later, their own children). Here are some suggestions: At a young age, teach your boys about feelings. There are inexpensive “feeling charts” that you can purchase that show facial expressions and name them. This will promote learning of verbal language and emotional intelligence. Model for your sons that it is ok to talk about whatever emotions they have. If they’re angry, talk about what makes them feel angry and validate it. If they’re sad and cry, talk about what hap- pened and validate their sadness. Always keep an open line of com- munication with your son and be aware of non-verbal signs that they may be having a hard time with their emotions. They might be acting out more, being more aggressive than usual, or withdrawing. These could be the ways that they are expressing sadness, anxi- ety, or confusion. Because of fear of being perceived as weak, they might not go to you to talk about what’s really going on. As a par- ent, be alert and go to them to spearhead a conversation. If they don’t feel comfortable, then you could suggest that they could see a
counselor to talk about what’s on their mind. Don’t deny or ignore the signs that you see. Some of the highest rates of suicide in the 21st century are by tween and teenage boys. If a boy does not grow up with a father or one who is very involved in his life, it is important to find one for him to serve as a mentor. Boys who do not have male mentors often have higher rates of behavioral problems and lower self-esteem. The mentor could be a teacher, another family member, a pastor, a coach, or even an older peer. The Boys & Girls Club of America is one resource that could be useful. I also found boystomen.org, which is just one of many other mentoring programs that you can find on the internet. Here is a list of several books which might be useful resources for raising boys: • Boy Mom: What Your Son Needs Most from You by Monica Swanson • He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself by Adam Price, PhD • Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys (A Practice and Encouraging Guide to Christian Parenting) by Stephen James
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