WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE?
" It ’ s a swirling mess in our heads , we know this , but we don ’ t know this . We want to stop drinking but we don ’ t know how to stop drinking . We want a life of peace and simplicity but the sheer boredom of that prospect paralyzes us from ever actually doing something about it . We justify . We deny . We are at war with ourselves and the world , the bottle and the glass but do little to change the status quo because it ’ s a crutch , a coping mechanism , it ’ s safe and unsafe ground . We love it . We hate it . We loathe it . We despise it . We shop for it . Plan to have it . Plan to not have it . An endless round of promises , broken promises , broken Mondays , broken Sundays . An endless exhausting cycle of chucking wine down the sink and regretting that act of defiance hours later . It ’ s stopping at the wine store , parking the car , having a conversation to not go in , to then go in , to have another conversation in the wine aisle , one bottle , no two bottles , no one bottle , no two bottles . No bottles . This time no bottles . Yes , just one bottle . Regret that decision . Be grateful for that decision . One is better than two . Dysfunction . Wild - eyed dysfunction with lipstick and heels on but dysfunction nonetheless . The wine years , blind and utter chaos ."
SUSAN CHRISTINA
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