Who? Although it can be daunting to think about telling anyone, for most people there will be certain friends or family members that we might find it easier to broach the subject with in the first instance. Find allies in your family. If you think a brother, sister, cousin, or aunt will be easier to tell for example, then start there. If you are feeling anxious or worried about coming out to any particular people in your life, you might find it useful to bring along someone supportive when you plan to tell that person. When? You don’t have to tell everyone all at once and you can do so over time. For some people it might be a case of “well I’ll come out to my family, when I have a partner”. Whatever your approach is, consider the timing of your coming out. Generally, with any major life news it is a good rule of thumb to avoid any major announcements while someone is driving. Similarly a time of high emotion or stress or a major family gathering may not be the best time for you to come out as it might be a lot of pressure for you, but every person is different and only you will know what is best for you and your family. Where? As coming out can be quite a personal and potentially emotional event for both you and the recipient of your news, consider the setting carefully. A safe quiet space might be more comfortable for you and the person you are telling. How? Practice what you are going to say beforehand and prepare for follow up questions that might crop up such as “why do you think that?”, “how long have you known?”, “who else have you told?”, “do you want me to tell X person?” What to Expect? Be prepared for different types of reactions. Be patient with people, for you, you most likely have had quite some time to come to terms with this yourself, while for the person you are telling, it is the first time they are hearing this information. While it is natural for us to expect our loved ones to be instantly supportive, it may take a little bit of time for them to adjust to the new information. If someone doesn’t react in a way that you would like, make sure to speak to someone who is supportive whether that is a supportive friend or family member that you have already come out to or the National LGBT Helpline (1800 929 539) .
The LGBTI+ Sexual Health Support Service provides: • Sexual Health Advice for LGBTI+ people focusing on healthy relationships, sexual issues, sexual function and dysfunction and sexual orientation • Sexual risk information and brief interventions focused on reducing risk • Support for people (in conjunction with family where appropriate) on “coming out” • Support on coping with family and relationships • Information and support in relation to gender identity and sexual identity • LGBTI+ sexual health advice and training for youth workers and professionals • Tailored educational programmes for professionals working with LGBTI+ groups, the general population or individuals to enhance their self-esteem and reduce risk-taking behaviours Seek Support if you need it In the Sexual Health Centre through the LGBTQIA+ Sexual Health Support Service I provide one-to-one support to anyone who might be struggling with their sexual orientation or gender identity, as well as support for people who might be facing challenges with the coming out process. If you would like to make an appointment to have a chat you can email me on aaron@sexualhealthcentre. com or WhatsApp me on 086 138 2022 . Best of Luck!
LETTING PEOPLE IN We live in a very straight world. The default assumption in most contexts is that a person is straight and cisgender (someone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth). People assume that boys like blue and monster trucks and girls like pink and princesses. However, to the glorious and enlightened person By Aaron O’Sullivan
And now to you, dear reader, I suspect you fall into one of the following categories: 1. You are a member of the LGBTQIA+ community and you are ‘out’ to your friends and family and you just find people’s coming out stories interesting to read. 2. You are a supportive ally of the LGBTQIA+ community and want to know more about what you can do to support your friend who you think might come out at some point in the future and you want to know how to be there for them. 3. You like to read your Cork Pride magazine from start to finish (and why wouldn’t you – it’s pretty great!) 4. You are reading this in a private space, perhaps in your room, or maybe the online version somewhere you know no one can see over your shoulder, as you contemplate whether you might be a member of the LGBTQIA+ community or perhaps you know that you are but are seeking support on figuring it all out or advice on how to come out. Well lucky reader number 4, today is your lucky day – I choose you! (But Readers 1 and 2, you may as well tag along for the ride anyway and Reader 3 – it pretty much goes without saying…) The first thing to bear in mind, dear reader, is that there is no one right or wrong timeline for figuring out your sexual or gender identity. For some people they have always known, for others it might take many years or decades to figure out or come to terms with who they are. In reality, the first person that we must come out to is ourselves. If you are unsure or questioning things, that is completely normal so while you may feel isolated in dealing with it please be assured that you are not alone. If you have figured it out and would like to share that part of your identity with friends, family or others, then it is important to note that there is no right or wrong way to come out and it is entirely up to you who you want to come out to, and when it feels right for you to do so. That being said, it often doesn’t make the prospect of coming out any less daunting. If you feel you are ready to come out, here are a few things to consider:
that is reading this right now, you know that this is far from the reality of many people’s experiences. We in the LGBTQIA+ community are a glorious rainbow of diversity and although we too can be prone to stereotyping others on occasion, we are generally a bit better at appreciating difference and the beauty that there is in diversity.
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