T A L K IN G with Dr. Clyde
Dr. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University, New York City, is a nationally known psychologist. He is the director ef one of America's
largest psychological clinics— The Christian Counseling center in Pasadena, California.
In other words, you are not neces sarily the cause of the problem. In stead, think of your husband as be ing emotionally disturbed, and need ing professional help. As a psychologist I would seri ously doubt that this is a sex prob lem. In most instances such as your husband’s, the difficulty is not sex, but rather personality disturbances. When he has such thoughts about other women, his ego is undoubtedly involved. He probably thinks about them in relationship to his own imaginary important role with them. Such p e r s o n a lit y disturbances usually stem from childhood experi ences which have left a person feel ing insecure, unworthy, and inade quate. These emotional deprivations of childhood have carried over into adulthood and are undoubtedly caus ing your husband serious problems today. They can be resolved, however, through professional therapy. This evaluation should be followed by Christian coftnseling therapy. In time, these problems would lose their hold and he would then act in a nor mal fashion. T h ese disturbances have spiritual connotations, requir ing the services of a born-again therapist. I suggest that you try to think of your husband as a sick person, then take every step possible to encour age him to get Christ-centered pro fessional help. CHRISTIAN LAD Q. We surely regret that you are so far from us, geographically speak ing, but perhaps you know of a truly born-again psychologist in this area who can help us. We have a nine-and-a-half-year-old boy with ■ a rather serious problem.
I CAN 'T FORGIVE Q. I have a problem that I have been trying to solve. I see now why you tell people not to try to keep things hidden inside, but to talk them over with someone. Hence, this letter. I am a homemaker and have two daughters. We have been married for almost ten years. Until the last two or three years, we have been rea- sonably happy in our marriage. At that time, my husband, at my insist ence, told me of many thoughts and imaginations he has had concerning neighbor women and friends. He has also told me of some experiences he had before marriage, which are very hard for me to accept. Mentally, he’s done almost e v e r y t h i n g that is wrong. He has NOT physically com mitted adultery, but he has done so in his mind and will. I have been pure all of my life, and in all truth fulness, I can say that I have been a good wife. I become very bitter and unhappy when I think of some of the things he has told me. 1 want to forget the past, forgive, and be happy, but in stead sometimes I don’t want to stay married. What can I do? A. I can well understand how you feel. You married your husband, thinking he was a wonderful person. As his wife you wanted to look up to him and respect him, but you have been let down, and bitterly disap pointed. You may also feel threatened your self since he has such thoughts and imaginations about other women. You may be asking yourself, “What is wrong with me? Where have I failed"?” You must realize, however, that your husband undoubtedly would have had the same problem regard less of the person he was married to.
His teachers tell us that he is an in telligent youngster with an above- average I.Q., but he does not seem to be able to concentrate and to do his school work. Now the school advises us to seek psychological help. We cannot bring ourselves to put him into the hands of a non-Christian psychologist, and to our knowledge, there is not a Christian psychologist in our area. Our boy accepted the Lord nearly two years ago and we think he shows a • rather mature understanding of spiritual things. I dread to think of a non-Christian tampering with his faith. Can you advise us? Would you suggest that we seek the help of an otherwise reputable psychologist? A. I can certainly understand how you feel, yet I do not know of a Christian psychologist in your area. I would suggest that you take him to a well-qualified psychologist Do not be top concerned about their tampering with his faith. A professional psychologist will no doubt want to give him several tests, talk to him, then show you, the parents, what the te s t s indicate. Since the boy needs help, he should not be denied it. NEW BOY FRIEND? Q. When you are tired of going steady how do you break off with out hurting the other person’s feel ings ? A. The best solution is an honest talk about the way you both feel. From this talk you should attempt to reach a friendly understanding. If either the boy or the girl is tired of going steady it is important to break the steady agreement. You’ll find it easy once you start talking about it.
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
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