How are you doing finding your ‘sober identity’? Maybe you’re still sober and curious, or perhaps you have been sober now for weeks or months and you’re still feeling a little shaky, and not quite sure who you are anymore. If you were known as the ‘party gal’ you may still be feeling unsure about your new demeanour, and also concerned as to what others think of you. So many of us, once we ditch the booze, realise that we aren’t in fact, loud extroverts, we actually quite like our own company, and we are very happy to hole up in bed by 9.30 pm with cocoa and a good book (SO rock n roll!) It takes time to get comfortable in our shiny new sober shoes , we have to try them on for size and walk slowly to start with, ultimately we have to bravely step out into the world and ensure that we have our own supportive tribe to come back to. I’m sure we’ve all heard the ‘You’re no fun anymore’ lines, spat out by the Sober Shamers, but of course, we know that our authenticity is shining a light on just how miserable they really are when the party ends and things don’t seem so glamourous after all! The Sober = Bores anagram is in fact the opposite of the truth, drunk people are very boring! A great way to ease into your new sober identity is to do stuff you love, (you will be amazed at how many women can’t recall what they enjoy) Take yourself off for a walk in nature, a trip to an art gallery, or museum and be open to creativity and fun.
Sober Club members have found themselves trying wild swimming, taking a writing course, buying a camper van with the money saved from not drinking and travelling, starting a charity, and going back to roller skating - cos they loved it as a kid! Become curious about your wonderful new identity, the ‘real’ you, and in time you will begin to love this wonderful person. I’ve never met anyone who said, ‘Oh man, I much preferred the loud, broken, hungover version of me!’ Eventually, you will start to feel comfortable in those sober shoes, and your own skin, and then it's key to ensuring that you live your new sober life as you want to. A great phrase to ask yourself is: ‘Have I been ‘me’ enough lately?’
Janey Lee Grace is the founder of The Sober Club, a community for positive sobriety focused on holistic health and wellbeing, author of Happy Healthy Sober, and host of the Alcohol-Free Life podcast www.thesoberclub.com
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