Hola Sober OCTOBER

Friends and family, and saying no thank you without an explanation. My self-care looks like meetings, hosting and being of service to others through Hola Sober and This Side of Alcohol. My self-care looks like being with children and grandchildren, decorating for holidays, quilting, chopping vegetables for salsa, and making my famous stew. It’s climbing into clean sheets, a heated mattress pad, and a weighted blanket. My self-care looks like telling my friends, colleagues, and family what I need and don’t need, buying sugar cookie mix and canned frosting instead of starting from scratch, crying over sad movies, soaking in my hot tub, star gazing, dancing, singing rather badly, forest bathing, sending hand- written cards, box breathing and walking my neighbor’s dog, Maggie (after all, I am one of her favorite humans.) My self-care looks like attending baby and wedding showers only on a “have to” basis, sending “regrets,” best wishes, and gifts in my place. It means offering to pay a housecleaner instead of helping my son move. I have to say that I do love taking bubble baths about every other day and I am obsessed with different kinds of bath salts, particularly ones with peppermint. I have an occasional mani-pedi or massage (I still have a hard time just sitting or “being.” I search out and sample fancy zero-proof drinks and spirits. I love watching a good series on Netflix, Hulu, or Prime. I love being alone. It’s important that we customize our self- care. Self-care should not stress you out. It is different for everyone. Tending writes, “If your self-care feels bad or it belongs to someone else, it’s not self-care. And if it’s someone else’s, you won’t do it. Which leaves you with no self-care at all.”

Self-care is not an annual thing. It’s not a Dry January or July. It’s not Sober October. It’s kicking alcohol out of your life. For good. Self-care is not another chore to do. It’s not another thing you feel compelled to add to your “to-do” list. It’s not another thing to beat yourself up over if you can’t hit that mat, take that walk or trip to the gym. My friend Joanna said, “self-care is anything that keeps me sober.” Bravo. Joanna. That, as Susan Christina would say, is fecking awesome.

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