As I was reading, this caught me while I was sitting in such anxiety and befuddle. " Toxic people will continue to exist and they WILL challenge you however in sobriety you will have a clearer mindset to deal with the aforementioned morons. " The use of moron, directed away from me, poked a hole in that ball of second-guessing, feeling confused, overwhelmed, paralyzed in fear. I have always felt to be a moron. Always, it was me that was fucking up, me who was wrong, me who messed something up, me who said something that seems to get credited to others (that drives me nuts). The aforementioned morons shifted this sense of berating myself. I am almost at 9 months sober, and I feel like I am still in the birth canal. This feels violent, at times, being pushed out of the proverbial womb. Squeezed, thrust, inner screams, gush, uncertainty and then calm. Between the contractions it feels safe. And at times I am not sure if I am going in or out. But I am committed to not today and never a day. No one is coming and forceps are proven to be dangerous? Ronda Pledge 100 TARA (McNulty)
NOT TODAY LADY, NOT TODAY
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