Whole systems can, will, and often do look the other way when a perpetrator of some vulgar misdeed is also meeting some greater high- priority need. In this case, many people kept their jobs and thousands of impoverished people were helped thanks to the fundraising abilities of our bully. The few colleagues who complained or resigned were accepted as collateral damage - a price the system was willing to pay. In the dynamics of family and community, groupthink is strong as an unconscious tool for suppressing ugly truth. In families and workplaces the silent collective agreement may be to protect the perpetrator because of their contribution to the company or home. Social pressure to protect those who provide for our needs might mean that a staff member might protect a boss, a mother may seek to protect her husband, a community may protect a faith leader or educator, and a child might protect her father, brother and uncle all because these individuals are perceived to play a crucial and possibly irreplaceable role in the survival of the group. Predators inherently understand these dynamics and using emotional manipulation, threats, passive-aggressive tactics and gaslighting will seek to force individuals to relinquish their suspicions and reinforce their subscription to the unconscious unspoken conspiracy of silence and cover-up. The power of manipulation lies in one simple fact - there is safety in numbers and most human thought is a group endeavour designed to sustain and prioritise the survival of the group over the survival of a single individual. "The four-part invisibility plan is a carefully crafted and brilliantly executed master-manipulation to ensure that no one ever stops to ask the unravelling questions".
Exerting control
4
In order to be fully effective, predators master the art of control. While manipulation leverages pre-existing sociocultural norms to influence what people think, the ability to convert that into behavioural control is the final piece that keeps victims from speaking out. By so doing, predators no longer rely on the system and cultural norms to protect them. Through intimacy, they further alienate victims and exert behavioural control. A creepy sort of intimacy already exists between a sexual predator and the victim. They share secrets. The power of this to deepen the control the perpetrator has over the victim, can never be overstated. Threats, coercion, denial, I love you’s all serve to break the will of the victim and expand the perpetrators various levers of control. In typical fashion victims frequently report being told “no one will believe you anyway”, “I will kill your so and so if you tell anyone”, or “I will go to jail or lose my job if you tell anyone”, and “you love me, so you don't want bad things to happen to me, do you?” Predators are skilled at making victims feel responsible for the consequences of their behaviour. The worldview of children is such that they place themselves at the centre of events therefore they are most likely to interpret a reality in which they are the cause of what is happening to them. Of course, this allows perpetrators to relinquish responsibility and unburden themselves of the potential consequences. The perpetrators last move is to leave it to the decision-making of a severely wounded child as to whether or not the truth comes out. These kids who already believe the abuse was their fault, further believe that reporting the abuse is tantamount to confessing themselves a failure for being a conspirator to the event, to the silence, to the cover up. To tell the truth and risk being rejected, blamed, shamed and persecuted is usually beyond the tolerance of a child.
This is the root of unworthiness for us survivors. But that is another story.
Collective Action Magazine | 39
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