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being sexually abused in her new placement. This discovery resulted in Latasha being removed from the foster home and admitted to a mental health facility to receive treatment for depression and trauma. I was devastated and blamed myself because I felt that I should have sought help for her sooner. My colleagues reassured me that I did my best by her, given what I knew at the time. I was only able to accept this and forgive myself after my first visit with Latasha at the mental health facility months later when I was permitted to visit her there. When I walked in, Latasha ran over and greeted me with a hug. I wept when Latasha said, “You are the only one who really loves me.” Like my divorce, this event helped me learn more about cultivating important resilience-promoting capacities in children. It taught me that identity matters. When I noticed changes in Latasha’s behavior, instead of identifying her as a problem child and writing her up for each misbehavior, I remembered the little girl that I adored. I documented what I saw and sought others who were more skilled to help me figure out what was going on. This also helped me to grasp the importance of thinking more flexibly about a situation and being curious enough to get to the root of what was causing the change in behavior. My experience with Latasha stayed with me and propelled me to do my best for all the children that I work with. Her words compel me to maintain that all children can benefit from resilience-promoting skills, not just the ones who have undergone some kind of trauma. She gave me purpose. It made me think of the traditional
greeting of the fabled Maasai warriors: Kasserian Ingera? which means, “And how are the children?” The expected response is, “All the children are well,” meaning that the children are protected and safe. The priority of the village is to make sure the children grow up in a healthy, loving environment where they can thrive. As a part of Latasha’s village, I had done what was needed so that she could be well. And she is. I am happy to report that after receiving the help she needed, Latasha went to live with her biological aunt where she continues to thrive. I am also happy to share
With my daughters, Summer and Zoya
that my girls are thriving. Summer has a master’s degree and teaches third grade, Zoya is a senior in college earning a bachelor’s degree in business, and I, too, am doing well and thriving both personally and professionally. We each have learned resilience-promoting skills and strategies that are nurtured through our support
Introduction 9
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