volve the indecent, the suggestive, or the vulgar, then Christian par ents must pull no punches. We take our standards from the Word of God, not from the world. But if it is a harmless fad that offends noth ing but our adult tastes, then we must suppress the tendency toward constant criticism. It only serves to make a deeper chasm out of the communications gap. One of the most difficult types of communication at the teen level is discipline. A parent's attempts to correct or direct a teen in any given situation is never met with enthusiastic reception. But there are times whin our demands can become unrealistic if the purpose for discipline is not kept clearly in mind. To discipline means to teach; to make one a learner — and our teens must learn more than the fact that we are angry with them over a given situation. For example, here is a parent getting hot under the collar over his teen’s talking too long on the telephone. “ You've been on that 'phone for over an hour!” — the parent complains. No response from the teen. Next comes a threat. " I f you don’t get off that 'phone right now, I’m going to restrict all your calls to tqn min utes!” Now let’s think through the problem. Why is it important that he get off the telephone? Many par ents may respond, “ Because he has been on it long enough.” Undoubt edly this is true from your stand point, but not from his. So you need to find a common vantage point: some common goals that give direc tion to your lives. Then when you enforce your demands, help your teen relate this particular problem to the goals. It may be a spiritual goal that you have agreed upon: to help this friend he is talking to grow as a Christian and to win his parents to the Lord. If the unduly- long telephone call is a source of aggravation to those parents he is trying to win, this will help him see that he needs to hang up. It could be a mental goal: to achieve honor roll grades in school. The telephone call is taking away from study time. It is interferring with a mental goal. THE KING’S BUSINESS
Christian Workers' Clinic
Building PARENT-TEEN Communications by Kay Syrstad
Part III
own limitations and not tr y to “ snow” their kids when the teens know better. This is not weakness. This is Christian character— admit ting that Dad and Mom are not perfect, but with God’s help want to be the kind of parents that a teenager needs. Teens are looking for honesty in an age that seems to reward the guy with gimmicks. Communications Builder No. 5— Be Less Critical and Less Unreal istic in Demands. Let’s face it — adults tend to be very critical of teens. It’s easy for them to ridicule their bizzare tastes in clothes, in music, in a language of their own, in the way some boys wear their hair. But as obnoxious as that long hair may be, when a father riding with his son points at a boy from the car and says, “ Isn’t she cute?” — he may very well be cutting off further potential conversation in an area that desperately needs parent- teen communications, just for the privilege of being critical. Now if the clothes or music or language in
Communications Builder No. 4— Be Honest With Yourself and Your Teen. Young people gripe a lot about the hypocrisy of adults and they have always had the ability to detect sham and double standards in adults. The ‘‘Don’t-do-as-l-do; do- as-l-say” philosophy will never build the rapport necessary for good com munications. The Apostle Paul admonished Christians in Romans 12, “ Provide things honest in the sight of all men." — and this includes teens. It is often hard for parents to be completely honest. It is a painful process that frequently reveals a part of self that we really don’t like to see. Jeremiah was so right when he said (17:9): “ The heart is de ceitful above all things, and des perately wicked: who can know it?" The old nature works hard at pre serving the ego. It is so easy for us to blame others; to take refuge in the pressures of society; to do what is expedient at the moment. But adults must face honestly their 30
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