So you remind him to get off the 'phone, not just because you are irritated, but because of the mental goal he has chosen. Communication is generally easi er, and certainly more purposeful, when we have a common, realistic base for our demands, even though the teen has to be reminded of it frequently! Communications Builder No. 6— Trust Him. A common criticism of teens is, “ My parents don’t trust me.” By this, most of them mean they are not granted the liberty of doing most things their own way. The parent, in turn, does not see sufficient maturity to permit that type of privilege. However, I am using the word “ trust” here pri marily with the concept of open ness. No two people can communi cate successfully without an under lying foundation of this type of trust. Adults must be open enough to see value in an idea that may be new to them. We tend to meas ure something as “ good” on the basis of whether (1) it appeals to us; (2) is familiar to us. We must display to teens that we sincerely do desire to know more about their teen world. Try this out on a teen some time: “ Maybe if I found out more about this, I might change my mind. Is there anything I can read about it or a record I can listen to?” Just think what an attitude like that would do to keep the lines open! Give young people a chance to display their point of view. Of course, it may be extreme, but don’t assume that every difference of opinion is a potential threat to you as an authority figure. Too often, in a discussion where the adult senses that he is going to end up on the short end, the ten dency is to try to save face by pull ing rank and announcing, “ I don’t want to talk about it any more!” The case is closed! But is it really? Such an attitude on the part of an adult often shows that he is con cerned mostly for his own image and what the teen might do to it. Keep an open mind. It is an im portant indicator to teens that you really want to communicate. kb NOVEMBER, 1970
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