talking
boss when my parents are not around, but my 13-year-old sister thinks she should boss us. She bothers me. Don’t you think that since I’m older, I should boss the other kids, and what can I do about my sister? A. I appreciate the fact that you’ve written me, asking what I think about what should happen when your parents are not home and you and the younger members of your family are alone. But, as I read your letter, the thing that comes through to me the most is the word, “ boss.” Should you be boss, or should your sister be the boss? It is true that the oldest child usually assumes this responsibili ty. However, being left in charge, means more than just giving orders to a brother and sister. A person who leads and directs other people must have certain skills of leader ship. Perhaps you need to work on developing some of these charac ter traits. For instance, a person in charge of others must set a good example for the others to follow. One way he can do this is by not losing his temper. Another way is by always being fair in dealing with the others for whom he is respon sible. May I suggest that you read and study in the New Testament the kind of leader the Lord Jesus Christ was toward His disciples. As you make Him your Leader and fo l low and obey Him, He will help you to have the right attitudes toward your brother and your sister. In stead of being “ the boss,” and per haps antagonizing them and mak ing them angry, you will become a great help and a blessing to them and to others with whom you asso ciate. First of all, though, you must accept Jesus Christ as your person al Saviour, for you could never fo l low Him, you could never take Him as your example, until you have given your heart to Him. So I trust you have done th is . Receiving Christ as your Saviour is the great est decision you will ever make in life. 41
it over...
with Dr. Clyde M. Narramore
Dr. Narramore, graduate o f Columbia Uni versity, New York City, is a nationally known psychologist. He is the director of
one of America's largest psychological clinics — The Christian Counseling Center in Rosemead, California.
INCORRIGIBLE FOSTER CHILD Q. Several months ago, we became burdened about a 13-year-old or phan girl who was living around among relatives who were having a bad influence on her. After praying about it, my husband and I gave her a home with us, to save her from being sent to an institution. We try to have a well-regulated Christian home. At first, everything was fine, but soon we found that Susan is "two people.” With us, at times she ap pears to be a normal teenager, but away from us, she is a wild rowdy. She also lies and steals and al though when we talk quietly and lovingly with her and she always tearfully agrees to change, she manifests no real change. She hinges her remarks around, “ What’s wrong with — this or that?” She admires her sister and brother who both live in open adul tery. We are completely discouraged. Is she too set in her ways to change? Are we too young to cope with her? And are we being fair to our own two small children in per mitting our home to be in a con stant turmoil on her account? Can you advise us on this prob lem which is beyond us? A. Many people, in their desire to help others, have taken a foster child, especially a teenager, and have found it was too much for them. You have taken into your home, undoubtedly, a girl who is deeply disturbed. She needs something different from what you can offer. She does need a well-regulated home, but she also needs profes sional care. She is too much out of NOVEMBER, 1970
line to respond to simple love and affection. It will take some time— even a number of years, perhaps— for this girl to become well-adjust ed. The reason she has no desire to change is because she doesn’t un derstand herself. She doesn’t know how to change. With professional help she could, so I suggest you take her to a psychiatrist or psy chologist who will be able to give her this professional help so that she can come to some understand ing of why she’s acting the way she is. I remember another such case. The family came to one of our clinics. They too had, in kindness, taken a girl into their home. They soon found they had a tiger on their hands. They said, “ We hate to give this girl up because this means we failed.” We said, "No, you are not failing at all. This girl needs a kind of help that you are not able to give.” I would suggest, then, that eith er you remove this girl from your home or that you get professional help for her. If keeping her would solve her problems, it would be dif ferent, but if not, you are only jeop ardizing your own children, and your first God-given responsibility is to them.
WHO IS BOSS? Q. My mom and dad often are out together and this leaves three of us, my younger brother and sister and me, in the house alone. I’m f if teen and I think I should be the
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