BE A BETTER LISTENER FOR SOMEONE
Case Spotlight: The Defendant Injured Our Client and Then Left the United States
Who Needs to ‘Get It All Out’
The Holiday Season is “supposed” to be a time of joy and celebration. For many though, it is a difficult time. An important way to express your care someone is to be a good listener. They may even experience it as a gift for the holidays. Below are some thoughts on this important skill. It’s not always easy to share feelings of frustration, anger, sadness, or other strong emotions — but it can be healthy to share them in a constructive, supportive environment. Sometimes, it helps to vent and get it all out. Venting gives us an opportunity to release these emotions, which often leads to mental clarity. However, when someone comes to you to vent and share their heavy emotional burden, listening can be just as challenging as sharing. You want to be supportive, but you don’t want to interfere. Strong feelings and tough situations may be involved. What can you do to be the listener they really need? It starts with your body language. Open yourself to their emotional needs. Gregorio Billikopf, an interpersonal relationship expert at the University of California, Berkeley says if you begin the conversation standing, invite the person to have a seat with you. Another thing you can do as a listener is position yourself below their eye line. This puts the person venting in a more active “storyteller” position and you in a better “listener” position. While in this position, maintain eye contact. It’s okay to look down or away occasionally but try to keep steady eye contact. Billikopf also notes that, as a listener, it’s important to avoid interjecting. Don’t offer input, suggestions, or guidance to the person venting until after the person has had the chance to get it all out. “During this venting process, there is still too much pressure for a person to consider other perspectives,” Billikopf says. While you don’t want to interject, you do want to be an active listener. This means you don’t want to be completely silent. This is where “reflective listening” comes in. Occasionally repeat what the speaker says — but don’t use their exact phrasing. Reword slightly in a sympathetic manner. Listening cues like “mm” or “hm” and nods are always welcome. One last thing to keep in mind: You do not need to offer a solution to the person’s problem or concerns. They may just be venting to get their negative emotions out, not looking for answers or explanations. If they are looking for answers or guidance, wait for them to ask. In the meantime, lend your ear and let them know you’re there for them going forward.
Imagine that someone behaving in a careless manner, perhaps negligently driving a car, permitting property to fall into dangerous disrepair, or performing work recklessly on a construction site, causes you to suffer a life-changing injury. Soon thereafter, you learn they have traveled to another country, thousands of miles away. How will you hold them financially responsible for the harm they caused you? This sort of question involves the legal concept and practical considerations of jurisdiction. Jurisdiction deals with a government agency — for our purposes, the court system — exercising power over people and legal entities (such as partnerships, corporations, other government agencies, etc.) by adjudicating disputes involving those parties and issuing binding orders that compel those parties to do things like pay money or appear in court. This past month our firm successfully settled a case where jurisdictional issues played a significant role. Our client had suffered permanent injuries requiring surgical treatment after being in a car accident caused by someone visiting from France and driving a rental car in New York. After the accident, the at-fault party returned to France. Even though the rental car company had insurance, the court insisted that we make “personal service,” that is, deliver with legal formality the papers setting forth our client’s complaint, on the defendant in France in order to proceed with our client’s case. Attorney John Papadopoulos of our firm had to navigate extensive motion practice (numerous detailed requests to the court) pertaining to these service-related issues, including the rules concerning The Hague Convention (an international service treaty) and working with a process service company in France to actually physically deliver the hard copy legal document to the defendant. As a result of John’s relentless efforts, the defendant was served, the court was able to order the action to proceed, and the insurance company for the rental car ultimately agreed to an appropriate settlement for our client, bringing the case to a resolution. We are grateful that we were able to use the long arm of the law to reach the justice and monetary compensation our client was entitled to.
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