I can although it is much more acceptable for a woman to drink alcohol now, attitudes still haven’t changed too much. As women, we are often depicted as carers and as nurturers. We are the mothers, the ones whose role it is to look after others. If a woman, especially a mother is seen as intoxicated then the feeling quite often will be that she is irresponsible, she is a bad mother. The woman will probably feel this way about herself also. However, in the same situation, a Male would be laughed at. Would his role as a father be quite as important, or even mentioned? Shaming someone for drinking too much alcohol often has the opposite effect of what the accuser thinks will happen. It drives the person underground; it substantiates their belief that they are the problem. It confirms the fact that being addicted to alcohol is their fault and therefore, stops them from asking for help. When I was drinking, I was so ashamed of myself. I felt like a failure, other people could have one or two and stop at that, yet I couldn’t. I was ashamed that as a Mother I had let alcohol become such a part of my life and that I was struggling to control my consumption. I was so ashamed that I didn’t want anyone to know. Because if they knew, then they too would think that I was this terrible failure, this awful human being. This person who was less than... The shame, of course, led to me not telling anyone that I was worried about my drinking. Which then led to me drinking more. I would try to cut down or stop and I would do it alone. I wouldn’t dare admit to anyone that could have helped me that I was worried. So, I tried to do it by myself, for years and years. Shame did that to me. Imagine if I had been able to get over that worry and fear that somehow, I was a defective person, a shameful person, and received help years ago? What a terrible loss not receiving the help earlier has been to me. Imagine as a child that you saw your parents eating a sandwich that they knew was poisoned. The sandwich was harmful to their bodies, to their mental health, it caused some of those parents to be violent. It caused some of them to vomit or pass out. It made some of them so ill that sometimes they couldn’t get out of bed.
The sandwich sometimes made your parents happy; the sandwich sometimes was fun. If they carried on eating the sandwich, they would forget the trauma that the sandwich has caused, so they carried on eating it. Then imagine that for your 18th birthday, you were expected to also eat the sandwich. But not just one, two of them. Because it’s your 18th and if the sandwich made you ill, then that is okay, it’s a rite of passage. It’s obvious I am not talking about a sandwich, I am talking about alcohol, but by changing it to a sandwich it sounds ridiculous. But this is what we are fed from an early age. It’s a rite of passage and something normal to participate in. What isn’t conveyed to us quite so forcefully is that it is also an extremely addictive substance. Its very core is addictive. We all take a huge risk by even taking that first sip. We might be lucky, and some are. They can drink alcohol and take it or leave it. But some of us aren’t lucky. In essence, that first drink is our first round of Russian Roulette and sadly, some of us will get the bullet. In sobriety, the shame that we feel about past behaviours will never entirely go away. That isn’t altogether a bad thing. Remembering our past may stop us from recreating that behaviour in the future. We don’t need to talk about every shameful thing that we ever did, but talking about our shame and our relationship with alcohol with like-minded individuals, can help our own shame to dissipate. We must never forget the past, but we are no longer there, and we must forgive the person we used to be to move on. I want to end here by placing the shame on those that provide and profit from this addictive substance. Alcohol companies have created wonderful brands, their packaging is impeccable, and I believe that they must employ some of the best and most creative marketers in the industry. We are warned to ‘drink responsibly’ therefore absolving them of any shame or blame. If we become addicted it must be that we didn’t drink responsibly, yes? Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to place a warning like what we have on addictive medication? Alcohol may cause addiction because that is the truth. “ Alcohol (ethyl alcohol) is a simple chemical that can cause significant changes in the complex functions of the human brain and body. Because it causes these changes, alcohol is a highly addictive substance .” Kyra Williams -
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
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