Daily email
Dear Sober Queens,
“We will make no progress against the mystery of recovery so long as we look at the addicted person ONLY through the 12-step lens. To say that such a person is powerless – if that is true, recovery is inexplicable, a random act of God, an inscrutable mystery.”― Martin Nicolaus This is a quote to simply to illustrate that there are MANY pathways to recovery and putting down the glass. NO ONE said you HAD to attend AA. We can move in a modern-recovery- discovery space and choose an a-la-carte approach AS LONG as we see the addictive nature of the beast that has us rendered powerless in the first place. In the acknowledgement of this truth we can make it out of hell with the right people in our universe. For many, AA saved their life and stopped generational abuse within families changing the trajectory of thousands of men and women. The world is changing; as is recovery. WE can pick and choose what we want and what we need to get us on the right pathway without taking on labels or being out loud about our journey. You can sit quietly in your life doing the work without a single human being outside of your sober circle ever knowing - it's your choice. It's important to know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and there is a way out for you if you choose to take it. Hola Sober or I cannot save anyone's life. No Meeting Leader can save a life. No book or podcast can save your life. WE can jog and jolt that brain of yours. We can share our mess in a message but saving lives? YOU save yourself. YOU being alcohol-free is the first step in building a life that you want to actively participate in. YES, there are moments when you want to scream. My advice in that moment? SCREAM or go somewhere you can scream without frightening the family dog and children. (This I learnt the hard way by giving my entire household a heart attack when I screamed in early sobriety at Ted (the addictive voice in my head.) y youngest son arrived to the kitchen armed with a mathematical compass ready to kill Ted………I loved his rush to save me, proud the only weapon he had at his disposal in a country that does not have a gun-control-issue meant if Ted existed in the flesh he would have died via a million puncture wounds from the humble compass.
A compass - not of the mathematical variety but the mariner's friend is my go-to daily friend ensuring I am following my true north.. "True North is your inner sense, or your calling, of what you want to accomplish in your life. It's a combination of your values, your beliefs, and your purpose. It keeps you on a straight track that's true for you. And it's different for every single person. There's no two people for whom True North is the same.” - Nathaniel Jaye For me that is being sober. Full stop. No strategy, no ambitious plans - simply being sober ensures all other things will unfold and come to pass in the right moment with the right people. Whether you got here by 12-Step, no-steps, the Dalai Lama, headstands in your back yard or meditation - it does not matter in the greater scheme of things. All that matters is you got here. And I am grateful for you. And I wish for the millions of Bridie's struggling in small villages and towns not knowing where to turn find the cool gang,
I received an email yesterday which made me cry and that doesn't happen very often as I have heard so much pain over the years; I have an emotional-safety-boundary where I read with my “consultant” hat on to preserve my own mental health. This very clear designation of my own personal space means I don't claim victory in anyone's sober success nor do I own their failure if they fall. This lovely troubled woman wrote for the first time saying, “I can't do this, I can't do this anymore - it's too hard. There is only one meeting in town and the whole place knows I have had to go. I am dying inside. Just dying. I just found your site and see that you are Irish, are you in partnership with any rehab programs as I did A.A. inside and now have to stay with it?" - Bridie When I get these emails I get upset and feel I am not shouting loud enough because in the honour of all that is good in the world, how can women think A.A. is the only option? I suppose they can think that if they live in certain countries, certain towns and certain villages because modern-recovery-discovery- (whatever-fecking-word-you-call-it- and-for-gods-sake-don't-upset- anyone-with-words-that-will-upset- them) hasn't hit there yet or maybe their online ability is not up to par or maybe they order on Amazon but don't know to google sobriety-not- drinking-whatever-the-feck-you- want-to-call-it.
We're it. We're the change makers.
We're the ones who got out alive. We're truly following our true North.
I hope they all find us……. I am not in your inbox giving out lemon meringue recipes - remember that. I am a gentle but definite Times New Roman sober invasion of sorts. Please join me in the sober dawn chorus as we say not today lady, not today.
Lots of love
Susan xxx
Who knows?
But it makes me sad that we sit in this lovely space and it hasn't hit her village yet….
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
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