Confessions of a payroll manager - Happy new norm!
Another anonymous episode revealing the world of payroll featuring payroll avatar, Penelope Fortham (‘Penny’), who is payroll manager at the nation’s favourite biscuit makers Crumbitt’s Confections. W ith 2020 such a tough year it’s been difficult for the team to consider ‘the future’. So, to get us all refocused and energised I decided we could do with an away day… An ‘away day’ when you can’t actually go away!? Well, just re-brand as a ‘development day’. We hired local company (and all-round tech wizards) Virtually Everything to plan an online cacophony of activities and challenges to rival The Krypton Factor for sheer exasperation and level of difficulty. Until March this year, Virtually Everything was a small home-based company located just around the corner from the factory. Now, the two graduates who set it up in their attic in October 2019 are in demand nationwide but happy to give ‘mates rates’ to the local biscuit factory which had kept them in work (and sweet treats) throughout their studies. At just 65% of their usual fee – with a large box of assorted Crumbitt’s biscuits thrown in to sweeten the deal – their services were an absolute steal. It really helped that they knew Crumbitt’s well having been employees in the past so were able to perfectly tailor a memorable half-day session with the aim of identifying “a clear vision for 2021”. (Honestly, I’d be happy just to have a ‘clear vision’ of next week!) Pre-development-day packs arrived (virtually, of course) a week before the session and the team had an online meeting to go through it all. The digipack was nicely laid out with a motivational
intro, agenda for the day, as well as links to questionnaires, and an interactive word cloud that produced more than a few ooos and ahhhs (we’re easily impressed). The activities were really good fun, but one of the questions – ‘Which chocolate bar best describes your role in the department?’ – nearly led to a bust up between Evie and Tony as they had differing opinions around the (apparently) obvious characteristics of Picnic and Lion bars. Tom finally distracted them by strongly putting forward a case for the efficacy of the four-fingered KitKat (not two, mind). We completed the rest of the questions alone and advised Evie and Tony not to work together on them. A clear vision for 2021 should absolutely not include the break-up of two such lovely people. The actual half-day was less intense. Michael, from Virtually Everything, started with a run-down of his employment credentials which, aside from the weekend work at Crumbitt’s, comprised two months as a children’s party entertainer and two years working with the management team at Apple… Yes, we were impressed, until he clarified that he was referring to Apple Grass Seed Ltd in Weymouth. Mr Crumbitt had arranged for Away Day Snack Packs to be delivered to each team member. There was a collective silence and dreamy smiles as we all took a synchronised first bite of Crumbitt’s newest confection – Toffee Truffle Temptation. As the sugar rush kicked in there was a new sense of energy, enthusiasm and creativity across the platform. We scribbled on whiteboards, drew (sometimes unfathomable)
pictures of our hopes and dreams for the future, and created a giant mind-map to reimagine ways of supporting Crumbitt’s staff into 2021 and beyond. Ideas included a virtual payroll news webcast on each pay day, a new starter factsheet and a link to a virtual benefits roadshow to be attached to our online payslips. The best idea came from Billie who said there could be a ‘nudge’ mechanism which activated when pay increased for any reason and prompted a message to promote the workplace individual savings account scheme we’d launched recently. We also talked about how lonely and isolating it could be working from home and came up with the idea of a virtual bingo night every pay day. Stevie Stevenson volunteered to be a caller within seconds and demonstrated his calling prowess with “Penny’s den, number ten” and “HMRC, thirty-three”. Despite the whole session taking place online I had a surprising number of analogue notes on real paper at close of play. Still, at least that meant I could spread the notes out over my dining room table before collating them for our ‘2021 vision’ plan. As I reflected on all the amazing ideas the team had come up with, I realised that it didn’t matter how many years I’d been in payroll there was always more that could be done to make it better. So, let’s see what we can do with 2021… n The Editor: Any resemblance to any payroll manager or professional alive or dead, or any payroll department or organisation whether apparently or actually portrayed in this article is simply fortuitous.
| Professional in Payroll, Pensions and Reward | February 2021 | Issue 67 52
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