When I am journeying across the county, I sometimes imagine I will come across something wrong and that I through some sort of divine or random providence was brought here to help. Usually, I worry about animals. One time I found a duck and took it to the hospital. I take care not to get involved with others on the roadways late. Rotten people get bold at night. It was dark, the roads winding, the buildings modern and expensive, sometimes nice. The place looked tropical to me, which for some reason would reassure me. I always felt out of place here because this area is known for a certain hostility for the economically challenged. I felt like I was trespassing even though it was public property. This other time it was one of those nights; sometimes we didn't say anything for long stretches. It was 3 AM, going down this highway right by the ocean, passing through dark roads, seeing the houses that I could only dream of. A police car seemed to be following us, but eventually parted, some of my friends asleep in the back, another was driving. I took a break from driving that night because I wanted more time to see everything. I was looking at it like an old picture that makes you sad. There was something in seeing such calm and sometimes beautiful things in a dark and almost sinister context that made me want to prolong these convoluted feelings.
I looked through the passenger window. The houses raced by; we hit the darkness in between towns. It was dark, but I could still see the dark and vast ocean. It was intimidating, we were bugs compared to it. I felt like I saw the face of god in those waters and he stared back. I related to what I saw on such a level it made me want to find more places like this, to chase this feeling in my day life, this was my direction. It was one of the times I felt truly there, no distraction. Friends driving, late with no cares. Discovering the vast near-by. It was really nothing but to me it was everything. Rides with confidantes occur less frequently. People get busy. Life gets harder. There isn't much that can be done about that, but the road is always there; it listens and sometimes dispenses epiphany.
When I drive at night, listening to music I feel like a god. There's no rent, there's no bills, there's no blood tests, there's no job searching, no arguments, no crowds. I'm not stuck. Blasting my 90s alt rock, my drum and bass, my hard rock Beck songs, all my boomer rock I travel along the empty roads and become someone else, someone with history, someone with mystery. A man on a mission to chill, to think, to solve all the world's problems in his head in a few hours of driving the roads. I leave my problems as soon as I get in that car and the music starts. Usually I go solo, but occasionally with like-minded friends. When I go at night, I always make progress. I’m forging ahead on the road and in my head. I don't have a map but I do have direction. Usually I go to the place. This view I can’t forget. Sometimes I take close friends for deep talks. One time I passed through Irvine. The city is widely considered sterile and soulless yet I felt free. Prince was shredding the guitar in my car while I drove that dead city and brought some life. In general it's vast and dark and statistically for OC there are a few drunk and impaired drivers likely near me.
By J.M.
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