WE’RE COMING TO WELLINGTON! New Year, New Space january 2020
As we shared with you last month, 2019 was a year full of big moves that brought us closer to our dreams, including buying our forever home and bringing new people to the firm. As we usher in a new year, it looks like we’re taking that attitude with us into 2020. We’re excited to announce that we are opening our second office in Wellington to offer an additional option to better meet our clients’ needs. In the years since our West Palm Beach office opened, we noticed that a lot of our clients were coming to us from the Wellington area. Seeing people make the commute to our firm on top of everything else they were going through led us to think about how we could make it easier. Sure, with technology today, there are digital options like video meetings. But in the personal work that we do, we value the connections that form when you meet with someone face to face. To make it more convenient for those of you living in the Wellington, western Lake Worth, Royal Palm Beach, and Loxahatchee areas, we opened an office out there. Our second location is right in the heart of downtown Wellington, about 15 miles from our West Palm Beach location. To accommodate our western community clients, this office will be more convenient because you won’t have to contend with the Southern Boulevard corridor. With this new space, we have the capacity to host mediations and depositions and provide further services to our clients in the Palm Beach area. As our firm grows, this is a fitting choice for us professionally and personally. On a personal level, our Wellington location will be much closer to home for us, about five minutes away. It was the right choice for our business and for our family. Getting to be closer to Russell and Ruby at the end of the day is something we’re really excited about, and as an added bonus thanks to having contractors banging on our house walls during the day, this office space close to our house will serve as a relaxing “getaway” for us. (We’re mostly kidding.) Our entrance into Wellington also coincides with the Winter Equestrian Festival and the influx of people to the area, and we look forward to being part of this fun tradition. We’re excited to be part of this community and to grow with it, and we’d love for you to be part of it too. We look forward to showing off our new space and hosting meetings at whichever location is most convenient. Thank you, as always, for your positive thoughts and support, and here’s to a great year! – Ashley and Chris Bruce
Enjoying waterfalls in northern Georgia
The kids resting on a 2.5-mile hike around Unicoi Lake
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Is Someone You Know Living with a Narcissist? In Greek mythology, there’s a story of a beautiful young man, Narcissus, who, so taken with his own appearance upon seeing it in a pool, cannot break away from his reflection and eventually withers away staring at it. While it may be a myth, this story contains a seed of the self-obsessed behavior someone with narcissistic personality disorder exhibits. Narcissistic personality disorder, according to the Mayo Clinic, “is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.” While someone who has narcissism may appear confident, at their core, the opposite is true. “Behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism,” continues the Mayo Clinic’s description. In part because of these conflicting feelings, someone with narcissism is unlikely to ever feel like they’re in the wrong and is unlikely to change their behavior. Those who suffer from narcissism “may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they may be unlikely to seek treatment,” says the Mayo Clinic. These combined elements make it very difficult to interact with, much less be married to, someone who has narcissistic personality disorder. In a relationship, someone with narcissism may exhibit troubling behavior: Identifying Narcissistic Personality Disorder
HELP YOUR KIDS ACHIEVE MORE THIS YEAR
WITH SIMPLE, ACTIONABLE GOALS
With every new year comes an opportunity to reinvent ourselves or start down a new path toward self-improvement. Making resolutions is a big part of many families’ New Year’s traditions, and parents often have a desire for their kids to take part in that tradition when they’re old enough. Following through on resolutions is tough, especially for young children, but with your help, they can achieve their goals. PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH. You are your children’s role model for almost everything, including following through on New Year’s resolutions. So, ask yourself if you follow through on your own resolutions. When you proclaim that you will read more books or finally get a gym membership, do you actually try to do it? Your kids will assign as much importance to New Year’s resolutions as you do, so by sticking to your own commitments, you can help them stay on track too. KEEP THINGS SIMPLE AND ACHIEVABLE. When your kids are forming their resolutions, their first attempts will probably be very broad. Statements like “I want to be more kind” or “I will try to help more around the house” incorporate good values but don’t include any actionable steps. Help your kids think of tangible ways to act on those goals. For example, if they want to be tidier, a good resolution might be for them to clean their room once a week or take responsibility for one household chore every day. DON’T DO ALL THE WORK FOR THEM. While it’s important for you to help your kids formulate their goals, be sure that you aren’t taking over. If they’re ultimately responsible for their resolutions, they’ll feel more compelled to keep them. Instead, suggest different goal areas they could improve, such as home, school, or sports, and let them elaborate. When it comes to creating habits, nobody is perfect, so even if your kids falter on their goals in the middle of February, don’t worry. The important thing is that you continue to encourage them every step of the way.
• Putting their partner down in front of other people, including children and family
Not caring about their partner’s feelings or hurting them
• Telling their partner they are the one who needs fixing when their partner brings up marriage counseling
Do any of these sound familiar? Often, it’s not until our clients see the common symptoms that they realize they’ve been married to a narcissist.
The most important takeaway is this: If your friend or family member’s spouse has a personality disorder like narcissism, they are very unlikely to change. Despite what they may say, the problem lies with the narcissist. For your friend or family member’s own happiness and well-being, they need to consider their next steps so they can move toward the fulfilling life they want and deserve.
Is your friend or client in need of a guide as they prepare for divorce? our divorce strategy book can help! The book can be downloaded for FREE at ControlYourDifficultDivorce.com. If your friend or client lives in the South Florida area, we will mail them a hard copy of the book upon request.
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What’s New for You in 2020?
There’s a myth that on Jan. 1, a lever somewhere resets the year, and we’re given a fresh start. In some ways, the new year does give us a reboot. But we’re also doing ourselves a disservice to think that this is the only time we can make a change. The reality is that any month or day is as good as the next to put forth a goal or intention that will take us toward the fresh start we seek. The best time to start is right now. 3 Ways to Make the Most of This Month MAKE SELF-CARE A PRIORITY. One of the most beneficial choices you can make is to practice self-care.Whether it’s spending time at home meditating or attending a group yoga class, make time each and every day to focus on yourself. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace. If you have kids or pets to care for, focusing on yourself first will help you care for them better. FIND A PHYSICAL ACTIVITY YOU LOVE. Like the myth of the New Year’s lever, there’s a myth that exercise has to be boring or painful. This is not true. It’s not one-size-fits-all, and if a workout is hard and boring, it’s the wrong one for you. It’s worth finding something you love. Whether it’s a high-intensity workout or a walk along the beach, your exercise regimen is going to be easier if you actually enjoy it. Here are a few ideas to get you started.
MAKE WELLNESS APPOINTMENTS. It’s easy to let years go by without seeing your doctor, therapist, or other wellness providers. If this sounds like you, make a plan to fit in those important appointments this year. An annual physical is vital preventive care, and it’s a chance to talk to your doctor about any concerns you have.
PRACTICE GRATITUDE. Did you know that recalling the good parts of your day can make you feel happier? Put the science to practice by taking a moment each day to write down three things you’re grateful for. Even if it’s been a tough day, try to recall a few good moments, like the afternoon sun coming through the window or a stranger’s smile.
have a LAUGH
Simple Pancakes From Scratch
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 3/4 cups milk
2 tsp baking powder
Unsalted butter or canola oil, to grease skillet
1/4 tsp salt
1 tbsp sugar, optional
Heat a griddle or skillet to medium-low.
2. In a mixing bowl, combine dry ingredients (including sugar if you like a sweeter pancake). In a separate bowl, beat eggs into milk. Gently stir the liquid ingredients into the dry ones. Mix only until flour is moistened. Clumps are fine. 3. Add some butter or oil to the skillet. If the butter foams or oil shimmers, the temperature is correct. Pour in a pancake of any size, cooking until bubbles form, about 2–4 minutes. 4. Flip and cook other side for 2–4 minutes. Serve warm.
Inspired by The New York Times
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The Bruces Come to Wellington page 1
Helping Your Kids Make New Year’s Resolutions
Identifying Narcissistic Personality Disorder page 2 A Fresh Start for 2020 page 3 Tips to Establish a Family Media Use Plan page 4
How to Set a Family Media Use Plan
HAVE A CHAT Don’t shy away from warning your kids about what exists in the digital world. Explain to them that certain content isn’t age-appropriate, and teach them what movie and TV ratings mean. Remind them to be careful about what they put on the internet because anything they upload never really goes away. Teach them to be smart with their decisions. Connect with them on social media if it helps you keep an eye on things. CONSTRUCT A ‘MEDIA DIET’ Take an active role in what your children watch by co-viewing programs with them. You’ll have a better sense of what they’re seeing and can point them toward the programming that’s right for them. Look for educational media choices that teach good values. There are a lot of great educational opportunities on the internet, but there’s also a lot of room for negative exposure. If this is a concern, keep the family computer in a public part of your home so you can see what they’re accessing online. It’s important to educate your children about proper media health, but it’s even more important to encourage your kids to be healthy in other ways. Beyond the tips mentioned above, encourage them to play outdoors and read physical books so they can participate more actively in the real world.
With 24/7 media exposure from TVs, computers, and smartphones, it feels like life is dominated by screens. Consider implementing a media use plan for your family so they don’t miss out on the real world. SET A CURFEW Limiting the time your children spend staring at a screen is good for their health. Try to keep screen-time usage to under two hours per day. Implement a rule for no screens at mealtimes, and keep all screens out of bedrooms at night. Keep track of the devices by having a communal charging dock in a shared area where you can make sure everything is plugged in for the night.
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