F r o m t h e t i m e a child is bom, human beings are his environment. Very early he begins to react, during the first month by ceasing his crying when he is lifted or touched; during the second month by his first positive social response—a smile. But as soon as he is bom he cries. Since that is the accomplishment which he first achieved, perhaps we should not be surprised to find later evidence of social behavior which is not entirely pleasing to the adult world. Month by month the child meets a world which is attempting to get him to conform to standards which those in authority consider most satisfactory. No man and no child lives unto himself. Every human being throughout his whole life must adjust and readjust himself to what so ciety expects o f him. Every part o f our customs, eating, walking, dressing, behaving both in private and in public, is influenced by the society in which we happen to have been bom. The eating customs are entirely different in various parts of the world. Some use their fingers in a certain manner, some use chopsticks, and some use a variety o f imple ments. Customs of personal cleanliness vary also. In some countries a very high premium is placed on bathtubs with daily use encouraged; in some, steam houses are used. In some, clothing is changed each day; in others, only with the coming o f spring and fall. Among most Americans the young people are encouraged to try to become successful; in some Indian tribes the people are more interested in hav ing the whole group get along smoothly than in having any certain few become outstanding. In some ,cultures we are taught to try to conceal our grief; in others, loud mourning is expected as a sign o f loyalty and affection. It is therefore evident that when we speak of developing the social courtesies we have to con sider the particular locality in which we live. Al most everyone wants to get along with other peo ple. Because each person throughout life is some what dependent on the relations he builds with other people, it is important that the child learn early to be considerate o f those around him. Re straint and inhibition constitute much of the earli est learning of a baby and young child. He must learn not to make too much noise, not to interfere with other people’s property, not to indulge his own desires when it annoys other persons. While we are teaching the inhibitions, we must also help young children to learn when it is best to conform and when it would be wiser to make a constructive contribution. To teach them merely to be conformists is not enough. Perhaps we have all observed cases o f young people who had become docile in their conformity to Christian standards of a particular home or campus without any real thought or conviction of their own. When these persons are transferred to another type o f environ ment, they quickly conform to the new standards without any evaluation on their own part. It is OCTOBER, 1966
important that in training our children, we very early give them opportunity to develop their own ability to make decisions and choices. The age at which the child is able to safely make his own deci sions will vary with different children and with different problems. But the direction of control should continually be from the parent to the child, with the child accepting as much responsibility as his behavior warrants. Courtesy toward other people is the basis of all accepted social behavior. The child who learns to consider and respect the feelings of those around him will be much better prepared to dedicate his life to the service of Christ. He will have estab lished the habit of weighing his own desires in the light of the best interests of a whole group. And he will come to think o f the Lord Jesus as the One to please. Courtesy is a much better word than manners. Manners are particular ways of doing things in a specific locality or situation. Courtesy, on the other hand, is one’s general attitude toward others. Cour tesy is the Golden Rule translated into every phase of our living. It is a matter of believing that other people and their rights are just as important as ours. During the years o f childhood, the learning of co-operation is going on through the games and play which will fill children’s hours. Daily contacts with persons of different ages and temperaments encourage this development. The maladjusted per son o f any age is the one who has not learned his relative importance in the general scheme of things. A maladjusted person has failed to move successfully from the self-centered dependency of babyhood. He takes for granted that other people were created for his pleasure and that their chief function is to contribute to his happiness and well being. Doting parents can encourage this malad justment. Then when such children encounter a world that does not cater to their every whim, they sulk and may eventually surrender to their moods and withdraw from society. It is very important for parents to help their children as early as possi ble to think of themselves as contributors to soci ety. In order to avoid unhealthy mental attitudes, we should attempt to treat our children affection ately but objectively. We have to discipline our selves to curtail solicitude. If we are forever show ing excessive concern about our children, it is only natural that they should become self-centered with too great a feeling of self-importance. How can we expect them to become concerned about the world in general if our home life constantly turns their thoughts inward? Our Christian homes must develop children who are thinking individuals capable of sound judgment. Many may disagree with me but my own feeling is that physical punishment is for the very young or for those incapable o f profiting from 47
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