have talked over with them individually occasions when their conduct seemed commendable as well as questionable, and that we have expected them to take pride in and responsibility for their own conduct. We have said enough about discipline, perhaps, for it is much better that we center our attention on aspects o f family life which will eliminate the need for frequent punishment. A spirit of good fellowship in which the various problems o f life are openly discussed and understood will anticipate many problems and make for a solution in the early stages. It takes teamwork to run a home suc cessfully. Too often we see a family in which every one seems to be trying to run with the ball himself. If we chn give our children rich experiences, actual practice in making choices from the time they are very young, sympathy and encouragement in the many activities in which they participate, broaden ing horizons which introduce them to the problems and needs of the whole world, we shall have helped to develop thoughtful and responsible citizens with a Christian conscience toward the world’s un solved problems. As parents we have the responsibility o f bring ing up our children. Just making sure that they grow up healthy is a job. But to see that they grow up to be well-adjusted individuals is a greater task. No one knows with any certainty just what kind of treatment will insure the best results with any child. But parents have to make an attempt. And certainly there should be agreement between the parents if any success is to be achieved. Should the mother handle the discipline so that the father may have peaceful relations with his children when he comes home weary from his day’s work? Should the mother leave it for the father and threaten her children throughout the day, “Just wait till your father comes home” ? There will certainly have to be in every home some understanding and agree ment that a child needs two parents in order for him to grow and develop properly. And children need to be helped early to realize that they are vital factors in the success of their home life. It is not just the parents’ job to see that we have fine family life. Every member of the household has a great deal at stake, and everyone can make a definite con tribution to wholesome, co-operative living. The Bible teaches children to obey their parents in the Lord and to honor them if they wish a good life. And it instructs parents not to provoke their children to wrath, but to bring them up in the nur ture and admonition of the Lord. In the same chap ter of Ephesians we are given the complete armor of a Christian which both parents and children need if they are to be strong in the Lord. Excerpts from Chapter 2 o f “ Growing With Our Chil dren” by Gertrude Nystrom. Used by permission Moody Press, Moody Bible Institute, Chicago.
a discussion of the problems. Physical punishment does suppress behavior considered undesirable. But there is a very grave question as to what it accom plishes of a positive nature. The Bible does teach us that to spare the rod is to spoil the child. But I like to think of that rod as all corrective devices which are used for the child’s development. The rod which is spoken of in the Twenty-third Psalm was a thing of comfort. I have the conviction that if we build the right kind of family relationships from the very beginning we shall very early be able to devise better methods of training than the spanking. I remember how our first child would go up to a pretty vase and start to touch it, then check herself and spank her little hand, looking around at me and giggling. I agree that the little pats which we give to baby hands are the best way of training a toddler not to touch things. But with in my own experience and observation I have failed to see that physical punishment is the best method for children after they can participate in an intelli gent conference. I have seen too many cases in which the wrath of a parent was more obvious than a desire to teach a child. The valid purposes of punishment should be to protect society and to improve conduct, not to vindicate a parent’s anger or threat of reprisal. My advice to young parents would be to use it only as a last resort and an acknowledgement of one’s own failure. Don’t use it as the standard household remedy. Those o f us who have tried other methods feel that we have had so much better results. Does this mean that no form of punishment should be used? No, it means that each individual situation must be judged in terms o f the child, the offense, and what goals we hope to accomplish. In cases of safety and well-being there may be time only for a command and absolute obedience. If Alice turns on the gas, or Ted darts into a crowded street, implicit obedience is necessary to avert a major tragedy. But it is only a temporary achieve ment. We still need the discussion and explanation of the dangers of fire and traffic. If the situation is one which allows a choice for the child to make, then his future growth will be much better assured by giving him opportunity to make a choice under guidance. If we always say, “ You do as I say,” we are acting as if we expect always to be present with the child to make his decisions for him. Would it not be better to train our children as early as possible to make wise choices? I have always had the feeling that I wanted to train my children so that if I should die and leave them while they were young, they would be resourceful and capable of going in the right direction. I have wanted to help them to have a certain standard of behavior in my presence and out of it. This means that we have not expected perfection at any stage of develop ment, that we have always given them credit for having ideals and standards of their own, that we
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THE KING'S BUSINESS
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