Truth without Trimmings — by Olivia Montclair
Help! Olivia, Fifteen years ago, my husband didn’t just leave me, he erased me. I was the breadwinner. I built the life. And somehow, by the time he was finished rewriting the story, he was the wealthy one and I was the gold digger. He told neighbors, friends, anyone who would listen. People believed him. While I was still trying to un- derstand what was happening, he emptied accounts, sold proper- ties, and divorced me without my knowledge. I lost everything. In- cluding my home. I even consulted an attorney, hoping there was some version of justice I had missed. I was told that what he did falls under civil mat- ters because we were married, not criminal. That didn’t calm me. It made me angrier. I won’t pretend I handled it with grace. I’ve done things I’m not ashamed of, including breaking into the house I paid for. There are other things I’m quietly proud of, but I’ll leave those unsaid. Here’s the problem. It’s been over 15 years, and I am still angry. Not in a passing way. In a steady, simmering, ever-present way. I re- play what he did. I imagine what I could still do. People tell me to move on. I tried therapy. It was expensive and, frankly, unhelpful. Being told I’m “lucky to be alive” didn’t make me feel better. It made me feel dis- missed. So I stopped going. I don’t want peace. I want jus-
tice. Or at least some- thing that feels like it. So I’ll ask you directly. How do I get revenge? — Still Standing, But Not Over It
Dear Still Standing,
What you’re describ- ing isn’t just betrayal. It’s erasure with a side of applause. You didn’t just lose a husband. You lost your reputation, your financial footing, your home, and the version of reality other people chose to believe about you. Then, when you went looking for justice, you were handed a technical- ity and told it was a civil matter. I understand why that didn’t soothe you. It sounded like a polite way of saying, “No one is coming to fix this.” So let’s not pretend your anger is irrational. It’s not. It’s earned. But here’s the part you may not like. You’ve been in a relationship with him for the last fifteen years. Not in person, not
That may be the most successful thing he did. Revenge, as you’re imagining it, is a tether. It requires your atten- tion, your creativity, your emo- tional energy. It asks you to keep revisiting the worst chapter of your life. But let’s be honest about the re- turn on that investment. Has any
of it made you feel restored? Not momentarily satisfied, not quietly proud, but restored. Whole. Re- claimed. If the answer were yes, you wouldn’t be writing to me fifteen years later. You asked how to get revenge. I’m going to answer a slightly dif- ferent question. How do you take
legally, but mentally. Every replay, every imagined scenario, every perfectly crafted act of revenge has kept him very much alive in your world.
What you’re describing isn’t just betrayal. It’s erasure with a side of applause. — Olivia Montclair
Continued on 13A
Vol. 647 YA 11A
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