The College Money Guys - January 2020

JANUARY 2020

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REVERSE RESOLUTIONS WHAT I WON’T BE DOING THIS YEAR

Another year has gone by. As is tradition, most people are likely coming up with and attempting to stick to their New Year’s resolutions right about now, but I want to call attention to a slightly lesser-known January practice, National Opposite Day. Yes, it’s a thing. Jan. 25, to be exact. So, while I’m normally not one for resolutions, I thought I might as well knock out two birds with one stone and write some Opposite Day resolutions to kick off 2020! Of course, I have to start off with my health. I’ve been slimmer and feeling better than I have in years, so it’s about time I put a stop to that! After all, those size 40 pants I used to wear have just been gathering dust in my closet — what a waste. Getting off lean cuts of meat and upping my fast food consumption is going to be tough, but if it means not having to use a belt anymore, it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. In fact, why stop at ruining my diet? By 2021, I want to be smoking two packs a day and wear suits and ties exclusively. After all, breathing comfortably is overrated. Those well-dressed businessmen and mobsters you see smoking up a storm in those old movies must have been on to something! “But Brannon,” you may ask, “how are you going to update your wardrobe to a bunch of uncomfortable suits?” Well, concerned reader, that’s where my financial resolution comes into play. As the Houston Metro Director of the Foundation for Financial Education, I’m resolved to run up my credit card debt and only make minimum payments. After all, how

can I hope to help families in debt if I’m not deeply in the red myself? It’s going to be a tough sacrifice but one I’m willing to make. But enough about all the changes I’ll be making to my personal life this Opposite Day — let’s talk business. Honestly, we could be doing a lot more to help people in need here at The College Money Guys. For one thing, helping our families secure over $200,000,000 for college is really making high schools and guidance counselors look bad. We’re resolved to do less in order to keep these poor souls from having to work any harder than they allegedly do. In doing so, we hope to also provide some much-needed relief to the real victim of rising tuition prices: colleges themselves. It’s almost as if people just don’t want to spend a fortune on higher education these days. Sure, students today run the risk of living under debt the rest of their lives, but someone has to pay to polish those ivory towers of scholarship, right? The beautiful

quads and pristine brick buildings of ivy league schools certainly aren’t going to maintain themselves! This Opposite Day, our team is committed to reversing course and ensuring these wealthy institutions get to extract every last cent from hardworking families trying to give their children a future. Perhaps the biggest twist is that I’m even writing resolutions at all. Normally, I strictly adhere to the old Chinese proverb: “The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second-best time is right now.” But in honor of Opposite Day, it only seems fair that I fight my usual instincts and tie these resolutions to an arbitrary point on the calendar. And, if you’re worried any of these horrible goals may come to pass — you have nothing to fear. The vast majority of resolutions fail, something that, for once, is A-okay with me.

Here’s to real, bright change this year,

–Bra nnon Lloyd

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