desperately to be listened to and to be loved by another who can listen to us and love us just as we are. 3 Most people would say they are good communicators but, for many, that means being a good
“talker”. In hospice palliative care, it’s important to know when to talk and when to listen. The main role of the volunteer is to be a “listener”. Real or active listening is a difficult and demanding discipline that requires energy and concentration. It involves paying attention to the person's total message, both what’s said (the
If we do not listen to the needs of others, how can we possibly know what those needs are? If we project our views on them, we are satisfying our own needs.
verbal messages) and what isn’t said (the non-verbal messages). Active listening is open and objective, and does not judge or evaluate. The listener must make an effort not to just hear what he or she wants to hear. Instead, he or she must focus on the other person's needs. Here are some guidelines for active listening: Clear your mind. To really focus on the person, you need to keep your own thoughts from wandering. Be silent. Silence is more than staying quiet or not interrupting when someone is speaking. Before you start to talk, pause to allow the speaker to catch his/her breath or gather his/her thoughts. He/she may want to continue. This short break gives you time to form your response and helps you avoid the biggest barrier to listening: listening with your answer running. If you are making up a response before the person is finished, you miss the end of the message that often contains the main point. At the same time, use common sense. For example, pausing for
several seconds when someone has asked for assistance with moving may be inappropriate. Make eye contact. Try to be at eye level with the client. If your client is in bed or sitting down, do not stand over them while you talk. Make eye contact – it demonstrates interest and attention. Whether or not you look directly at the client
Not every person who is dying experiences peace and/or acceptance. However, your visits will go a long way to helping the person reach this goal if you are able to offer compassion, love and acceptance.
depends on the client’s comfort level. Cultural considerations come into play. In most cases, looking at the other person while he/she speaks demonstrates your attention and helps keep your mind from wandering. Sit beside a person at a 45-degree angle, if possible, to allow him or her to break eye contact with you if they wish. If appropriate, go for walks with the person who will stop and look at you when he or she wants to make eye contact.
3 Buckman R. (2001). Communication skills in palliative care: a practical guide. NeurolClin. Nov;19(4):989-1004.
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