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Al l fami ly law. Al l around Georgia. Al l around the wor ld.
J uly 2021
W hat D iplomats T each U s A bout E ffective C ommunication
(Hint: Listening Matters!)
While my colleagues here at The Manely Firm and I all enjoyed the same schooling as attorneys in any other area of law, I find that there are some things unique to practicing international family law that really guide the work we do and set us apart. With World Listening Day coming up on July 18, I started thinking about how this applies to our approach to communication in particular. While there’s a strong stereotype that attorneys are argumentative and love a good debate, that style of communication doesn’t work well in family law, where two-thirds of our cases are settled in mediation. (See more on Page 3.) And since we work internationally, we find diplomats to be great role models for effective communication. Their style is defined by listening, understanding, and working toward resolving conflict.
There’s one final lesson we can learn from diplomatic communication, which is to be aware of our own biases and perceptions. Diplomats work across cultures and engage with individuals who have very different perspectives and experiences from their own. It’s impossible to set our biases aside entirely — we’re human after all — but having some awareness of your own biases goes a long way toward effective communication. If you’re thinking that all of these lessons sound great but seem hard to apply, know that learning to listen well and communicate effectively is a lifelong practice. Working in family law, I have the privilege of listening to many people’s most precious stories and deepest aspirations. Applying the principles of diplomatic communication helps me to create the necessary space for my clients’ relationships to be repaired and to thrive. It also has helped me to cultivate better listening
skills, which serve me personally and professionally.
Effective communication is at the heart of diplomacy. When we think of communicating, very often talking or expressing ourselves comes to mind before or in lieu of listening. But active and engaged listening is the real key to effective communication. And that takes some practice! It’s common to start formulating your response as soon as someone else starts speaking, but doing so means you’re not really listening. Active listening requires a shift in mindset from “How will I respond?” to “Do I really understand what this person is trying to say?” We learn another important lesson from diplomats as well: Your goal matters. Diplomats engage in communication with a specific goal in mind: conflict resolution. Entering a conversation with a desire to find a solution and to truly understand the other party’s perspective sets an entirely different tone than coming to the table only with a desire to be heard or air one’s grievances. There is certainly a time and place for that as well, but it’s best done with a trusted friend or counselor rather than at the mediation table, where the goal is to find solutions.
If you’re wondering where to start, take a few tricks from the book of mediation: Slow down and don’t interrupt. Simply slowing down the pace of communication will go a long way to decrease the odds of miscommunication. It creates a sense of safety for the speaker and gives them space to craft what they want to say carefully and meaningfully. The same goes for not interrupting!
Take some time this month to really listen to your loved ones. It’s a gift you can give that requires nothing more than attention and intention.
–Michael Manely
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D oes D epression H elp U s C ope ?
Many mental health experts blame the recent spike in mental illness on the DSM-5 (the standard classification of mental disorders) and the ever- expanding list of psychological conditions it identifies. But others, like neuroscientist Stephen Porges, aren’t convinced we can attribute increasing mental health problems to just diagnoses — and new ideas about mental health are changing how we view depression forever. We used to think depression started in the head and presented physical symptoms as a result, a behavioral representation of the turmoil within. But Porges, and researchers like him, believe it’s actually opposite of that. They theorize that the body can take in stimuli and internalize situational data much better than we thought, and that — at least for the Americans afflicted with mild or moderate depression — the mental illness is an immune reflex, similar to the swelling caused when blood rushes toward an injury to flood it with nutrients and, in some cases, immobilizing the area. Of course, that swelling can be a serious health problem in itself, and the same is true for depression.
For example, when people are in long-term traumatic situations, depression takes them “out” of themselves, and researchers posit that this numbing effect allows them to survive their daily difficulties, and memories of the period may be less damaging once they escape it. The question, then, is what do these new theories mean about the epidemic of mental illness sweeping America today? At the base level, it indicates that many Americans find themselves in unpleasant living situations, at the least, and hope for a future where that isn’t the case. Perhaps, Porges’ group says, modern people feel trapped in a world where comfort and convenience are the highest priorities. Mass depression is the result. This means that to survive, depression may be our buffer until we can pursue a vastly different way of living — a societal dilemma of the first order, and one we cannot afford to ignore.
However, the new school of thought points out the positive effects of depression in many situations.
M argaret B ryant , M arketing D irector Team Member Spotlight
“When I came across the opportunity with The Manely Firm, it felt like a perfect fit,” she said. Not everyone is fortunate enough to find work that marries all of their interests, and Margaret doesn’t take that for granted. She joined the firm in April 2020 with the pandemic in full swing. While the safety measures in place made parts of her job challenging, she said they also helped her come up with new ways of reaching people by taking their current mindsets into account. But she’s very pleased that there are more opportunities to gather safely now, and she’s looking forward to getting back to doing events in the community. A big part of Margaret’s job is getting the word out about what we do here at The Manely Firm and what sets us apart. Since she loves the team that she works with and the mission of the firm, this comes naturally to her. “I
have a sense of pride in what The Manely Firm does and the way we approach family law,” she said. “I absolutely love our team and have a huge respect for everyone.” And that work produces results that Margaret is proud of. “We get to help people get from a very dark place to a bright new start. It’s refreshing to see what we can do for families.” Outside of work, family is also central to Margaret. She’s been blessed with four kids whom she beams when talking about. They range in age from 8 to 16 and are busy with school and activities. Margaret says a lot of her free time revolves around their activities — from cheer camp to softball tournaments to Friday night football games — but she wouldn’t have it any other way. She also volunteers for several organizations, serves on the board for the Northside Youth Organization, and loves to run and travel.
Our Marketing Director, Margaret Bryant, is a Georgia native. As you might suspect, she studied marketing as an undergrad at the University of Georgia, but a study abroad program in Italy with the university’s political science department added a new set of interests. “It really sparked my interest in law and government.” Margaret got to learn more about it both in classes and by visiting historical sites in Italy and seeing things firsthand. After returning to the States, she completed her degree in marketing and retained her interest in law and government, though she wasn’t sure how that might all come together.
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W hat I s M ediation ?
And How to Know If It’s Right for You
As Michael mentioned in the cover article, two-thirds of family law cases are settled in mediation. This alternative form of dispute resolution has many advantages, including that both parties in the case can cooperate to make decisions that are tailored to their unique situation. By contrast, when cases go to trial, a judge has the decision-making power. What kinds of cases benefit from mediation? Mediation can be an effective tool to help resolve divorce cases; determine child support, child custody terms, and visitation schedules; work out alimony; and determine how assets and property will be divided. Because each family and situation is different, mediating these aspects of your case allows you to create the custody arrangements and visitation schedules that work for you. It puts you in control of determining how to divide your property, debts, and assets. How is mediation different from going to trial? Mediation tends to be a less formal and more relaxed experience than going to court. It is also less expensive and usually faster than going to trial. Mediation requires more participation from the involved parties. While divorce and other family matters can be emotionally charged or contentious, the third-party mediator is there to help smooth the process of communication. This allows each party to express themselves while still working toward a productive solution. All conversations that occur during mediation are kept confidential. Do I still need a lawyer? It’s still a good idea to hire an experienced family law attorney to help you prepare your case for mediation, inform you of your rights, and help you understand the possible outcomes. Here at The Manely Firm, our attorneys realize that mediation is a critical tool to resolve family law disputes. We invest just as much time and effort into preparing cases for mediation as we do for trial. We get to know you and the facts of your case so we can help you get the outcome you seek from mediation. Our own Attorney Denethris Barnes serves as a Board Member for the The Mediation Center of the Coastal Empire in Savannah, Georgia. Denethris feels passionately about the way the Center is able to help families reach resolutions to their family law issues in ways that best suit their individual needs.
“L ive in the sunshine . S wim in the sea . D rink in the wild air .” —R alph W aldo E merson
E asy Z ucchini E nchiladas
Inspired by Delish.com
This healthy summer dish is the perfect way to use up extra zucchini!
I ngredients
If you’d like to learn more about how mediation can benefit your case, visit our website at AllFamilyLaw.com.
• • • • • • •
1 tbsp olive oil
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1 1/3 cups red enchilada sauce, divided
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
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4 large zucchini, sliced very thin lengthwise and dried
2 tsp cumin
2 tsp chili powder
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2 cups shredded cheese Sour cream and cilantro, for garnish
Salt, to taste
3 cups rotisserie chicken, shredded
D irections
1. Preheat the oven to 350 F. In a large skillet, heat oil over medium heat. Add onion and cook, stirring for 5 minutes. 2. Add garlic, cumin, chili powder, and salt. Cook for 1 minute, then add chicken and 1 cup enchilada sauce. Stir to combine. 3. On a cutting board, lay out three slices of zucchini side by side. Top each with a scoop of chicken mixture, then roll into a tube. Repeat with remaining zucchini slices. 4. Add the rolls to a baking dish. 5. Top the rolls with the remaining enchilada sauce and cheese. Bake for 20 minutes. Top with garnishes!
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211 Roswell St. NE Marietta, GA 30060 (866) 687-8561 www.allfamilylaw.com
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What We Can Learn From Diplomats About Communicating Effectively
Does Depression Help Us Cope?
Team Member Spotlight
What Is Mediation?
Easy Zucchini Enchiladas
An Olympic Medal — For Arts
A n O lympic M edal — F or A rts
From 1912–1952, the Olympics awarded medals for arts and sculpture, though most people do not remember this. In 2012, the first book in English on the topic was published, “The Forgotten Olympic Art Competitions” by Richard Stanton. Stanton dug through decades-old, crumbling files that were packed away in Switzerland in order to uncover the origin of this forgotten Olympic tradition. Apparently, Baron Pierre de Coubertin, the founder of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and the modern Olympic Games, saw art competitions as integral to his vision of the Olympics. Stanton told Smithsonian Magazine of Coubertin, “He was raised and educated classically, and he was particularly impressed with the idea of what it meant to be a true Olympian — someone who was not only athletic, but skilled in music and literature.” Coubertin thought that without the arts, it couldn’t be a true Olympic event. However, Coubertin had no luck convincing local organizers from Athens, St. Louis, or Paris that art competitions were necessary. At the 1912 Stockholm Games, Coubertin finally secured the Olympic fine art competitions. There were categories for architecture, music, painting, sculpture, and literature, but every work had to somehow be inspired by sports. Judges didn’t have to award gold medals if they were disappointed by all the submissions, but 1912 was a success. With 33 artists in participation, a gold medal was awarded in every category. (Coubertin even won for his poem, “Ode to Sport”! He disguised it with a pseudonym.)
As the Olympics exploded into a beloved international event, the fine arts competitions rarely caught people’s attention. Not all categories won gold medals, if any at all. There were significant winners, however. John Russell Pope (the architect of the Jefferson Memorial) won a silver at the 1932 Los Angeles Games for his design of the Payne Whitney Gymnasium, constructed at Yale University. Other famous participants include Italian sculptor Rembrandt Bugatti, American illustrator Percy Crosby, Irish author Oliver St. John Gogarty, and Dutch painter Isaac Israëls. Even if the art competitions are not a part of the games anymore, they are fascinating to learn about! We’ll definitely think about them the next time the Olympics (finally) roll around.
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