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I Will Never Be a Grandparent By Barbra Williams Cosentino
It's no secret that grandparents are extraordinary people. They can magically convert a couple of cardboard boxes into a medieval castle and make spaghetti and meatballs out of a misshapen lump of play dough. In a backyard at a birthday party, an older woman stands next to me. We watch a chortling toddler spinning in circles. "He's so cute," the woman says, adding, "My granddaughter is over there," as she points to a pigtailed munchkin wearing a flowery dress and high-top purple sneakers. "Which one is yours?" I don't answer. The lump in my throat is too big. None of them are mine. I don't have children, and now, I don't have grandchildren. Why don't I have children? The answer is complicated — a marriage that ended in divorce at 33, a long period of being single during my prime getting-pregnant years, and a second happy marriage to a man nine years my senior who couldn't envision having a child in college when he was nearing seventy.
Facebook-perfect holidays spent with their grown- up children and their not-so-grown-up grandkids.
I envy grandparents who receive crayoned cards they plaster all over their refrigerators. I envy that they get to hug their grandbabies or proudly show off their tween granddaughter's award for first place in a citywide essay contest. They deserve, rightfully, to celebrate the unique joy of loving the child or children of their children. "The heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time," writes Douglas Wood, a children's author and songwriter. I have had a wonderful life with abundant riches, even though children and grandchildren have not been part of the package.
Envying Grandparents
Our friends are married or coupled, single, straight, gay, childless or parenting. We've laughed and cried at their children's weddings, admired pictures of their grandkids, and tried to ease their sadness when they couldn't be with them during the pre-vaccination COVID days.
Envy is not a pleasant emotion, but it is a human one. I sometimes envy my friends' lives; their
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